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[Vayre]

Just a thread to collect quotes people read and thought were funny, meaningful or just something they liked.

Carrot - Men At Arms
  If you have to look along the shaft of an arrow from the wrong end, if a man has you at his mercy, then hope like hell that man is an evil man. Because the evil like power, power over people, and they want to see you in fear. They want you to know you are going to die. So they'll talk. They'll gloat.
      They'll watch you squirm. They'll put off the murder like another man will put off a good cigar.
      So hope like hell your captor is an evil man. A good man will kill you with hardly a word.

[ein]

See my signature.

[DJ]

A witty saying proves nothing. - Voltaire

[Jreengus]

"Why, my man, I am ashamed of you, dodging that way. They couldn't hit an elephant at this distance." -General Sedgewick seconds before being shot.

[Virex]

"God doesn't play dice" - Albert Einstein
"Stop telling god what to do" - Niels Bohr, in response to the above statement.

[Cthulhu]

I thought it was "Don't tell God what to do with His dice"?

[Jreengus]

Einstein would turn over in his grave. Not only does God play dice, the dice are loaded.

-- Chairman Sheng-ji Yang,
"Looking God in the Eye"

[Eidalac]

Don't recall the exact wording, but:

"To say that in all of space only one world would have life is the same as to say that in a vast field only a single stalk of wheat will grow".  Menos of Chriol (probably totally wrong on the name), 3rd century BC.

[ToonyMan]

Burly: This could be a long torture session.
Virginia: I'll tell you anything you wanna know.
Burly: Torture first, then you talk. It's better that way. Rush a torture, ruin a torture.

[Myroc]

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."

[Mr Tk]

My friend, you would not tell with such high zest
To children ardent for some desperate glory,
The old Lie; Dulce et Decorum est
Pro patria mori.

-Wilfred Owen

[ein]

Returning to normality is more disturbing than madness.
~Claude Chabrol

[Zai]

I keep a file of quotes. Some good ones:

I clicked one, and realized I could RIDE THEM. So I hopped on a f*cking DINOSAUR, traveled back to the present, and stomped the shit out of robot zombies. Did you just read that sentence? Did you really? I F*CKING TRAVELED THROUGH TIME AND JUMPED ON A DINOSAUR AND USED IT TO KILL MOTHERF*CKING ROBOT ZOMBIES.

I like to kick ass and reticulate splines, and I'm all out of splines.

"If you can't build a tower upon a sheer cliff face over which you may throw precisely one hundred and fifty-two kittens and seven stalwart dwarves to their explosive doom some fifty stories below, then brother, your game ain't much of a sandbox, is it?"

Those japanese hornets could possibly compete with the Mantis Shrimp in terms of coolness. On one hand, we have a creature with guns for hands. On the other, a creature that engages in battles that make Spartans cry.

Maybe Toady should just make a Sex video.

P.s: All that stuff they say about how girls will automatically sleep with guys who can cook? Yeah, it's totally false. It's a conspiracy controlled by women to manipulate men into learning how to cook so they don't have to! 

It's like mixing something perfectly sensible, like cold cereal, with meth.

Well done, you systematically debunked the theory that the girl thought her dad was the first boss and tried to shoot a magic missile at him.

g/5 = (A_blood(V_blood-V_bled) )*g_siegers
                        g_runaways²

As you can see from the above formula, to have the maximum area dyed with blood, you should always allow the goblins to increase the g_siegers variable a bit by letting the survivors run away to avoid depleting g_globalpop. Then, when they are really pissed and throw a g_siegers>80 at you, use your cunning dwarven engineering to trap them in the killing fields so that the squared g_runaways won't get in the way of repainting the temple of Armok.

I'm just kidding. Everybody knows A_blood = (N_chunks+N_bodyparts)*Wall hit percentage + 1.

I find this demeaning to fish.  Can a kitten survive being repeatedly bludgeoned, and then stabbed, and then being kept from their natural environment for several hours only to start flopping about when you gut it?  That fish was a trooper, and I hope it passed on its badass genes before we ate it.

NAIROBI - A 73-year-old Kenyan grandfather reached into the mouth of an attacking leopard and tore out its tongue to kill it, authorities said Wednesday. Peasant farmer Daniel M’Mburugu was tending to his potato and bean crops in a rural area near Mount Kenya when the leopard charged out of the long grass and leapt on him. M’Mburugu had a machete in one hand but dropped that to thrust his fist down the leopard’s mouth. He gradually managed to pull out the animal’s tongue, leaving it in its death-throes.

[Itnetlolor]

Here are a few I came across that always cheer me up:

"I'm like butter baby, I'm on a roll."

A good friend will bail you out of jail, but a true friend will be next to you saying "Damn, that was fun!"

"Believe me, Mike, I calculated the odds of this succeeding against the odds that I was doing something incredibly stupid...and I went ahead anyway." --Crow, Mystery Science Theatre 3000: The Movie

If history is to change, let it change!
If the world is going to die, let it die!
If what I am about to do causes me to vanish...
Then I will be amused!!
Go, Lavos!!
--Magus, Chrono Trigger

Some RedVsBlue ones:
"You kidding? Women are like Voltron, the more you can hook up, the better it gets." --Tucker

"Okay... Church... is trying... to get... a translator... so... we can talk... to... each other.
Tucker, The enourmous alien doesn't speak our language. Speaking slowly is not gonna help.
What? I was talking to Caboose." ---Tucker to Caboose, Church

"You know, I learned something in my travels. 'No matter how bad things seem'--
it can get worse.
--No, 'No matter how bad things seem; It can't get any better, can't get any worse. because that's the way things fucking are, get used to it nancy. Quit your bitching...'
...So Church, where have you been this whole time?
You want the long version? or the short?
I'll take the easy version please.
Oh, I want to hear the long version, but can you do me a favor and tell it in three parts?"
--Church, Caboose, Tucker, and Sarge

[Hawkfrost]

"Animals do not have Gods, they are smarter than that."


"The problem with people is that they don't look at the big picture.
Eventually we're each going to die, our species will go extinct, the sun will explode, and the universe will collapse.
Existence isn't only temporary, it's pointless!
We're all doomed, and worse, nothing matters.
...
Let's watch some TV." - Calvin and Hobbes


I WAS FROZEN TODAY.


The Internet has left me in Despair!