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[Itnetlolor]

Damian needs to learn more self-control before he'll be ready for a true mainstream environment.

Bah, screw it. I've been here long enough and I know most everyone else's names already, why not? Plus, I figure one would try to find out my name just by searching my need anyway. Why delay the inevitable?

Some more:

Damian Needs Mac Serial Adapter - Help!
Damian's needs also include energy efficient appliances. His thirteen-year-old refrigerator in particular is hogging much more than its share of power from the East Coast's fragile, outdated grid.
Damian needs to provide its service in a stronger way, and sometimes a more costly way.
Damian needs guidance and a constant eye watching him, or else he will kill again.
Damian needs to accept that no one is self-sufficient all the time, and to be gentler with his "childish" emotional needs and wants.
Damian needs his space dont worry if he is single or not just let him be!!

...It's making me out to be The Omen. WTF?! Then again, reading each one as a paragraph, it actually almost holds water as a statement. A mini-story with the same start per sentence.

[ToonyMan]

Heh.

Kevin needs more beer.
Kevin needs a date.
Kevin needs food badly.
Kevin needs to lay of the weed.
Kevin needs a liver transplant.
Kevin needs to call Jenny.
KEVIN NEEDS EXCAVATION.

[Tack]

Hmmm...

[Halmie]

... Hamish needs Andy, it's you classic comedic duo. ...

... At the moment all Hamish needs to do is put clingfilm over his cochlear implant to keep the damp out while it is protected underneath his ...

Many a baffling mystery and outrageous scam lurk behind the closed doors of Lochdubh; and Hamish needs all his skill to keep the big boys from Inverness off ...

That's all people think when they hear Hamish. Hamish and Andy or Hamish Macbeth.

[Akigagak]

[snip]

My turn.

Andrew's Needs: 1. love 2. a life 3. $2100 in political contributions 4. prayers 5. a job 6. prayers 7. to be more cautious with money
Andrew needs to drag SNH out of Victorian era
Andrew Needs To Score.
Andrew needs… …all the prayers he can get – if there is a god and he's vindictive, this is entirely true …to apply wood preservative to one side of his ...
Andrew needs digits.
ANDREW NEEDS AN AMBULANCE An EMT Ambulance.

Andrew Needs - $2100 in Political Contributions for 2008.

I don't even...