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[Hortun]

I'm going to host a text RPG. I don't mind silly actions, but bear in mind that you're particularly bad at killing yourself. Let's go for feasible actions. Not hadoken.


You are Fiddy McJitters, a gnomish adventurer. You are carrying a <Large Leather Backpack> with 20 feet of <Old Rope>, an <Oily Torch>, and a <Crude Tome>. You also have a <Small Leather Sack> with a loaf of <Oat Bread>, a <Cheese Log>, and a flask of <Wendigo Berry Wine>. At your side is your makeshift weapon and tool, a <Worn Chisel>.

You wake up, and all you can feel is a splitting headache, undoubtedly from all the ale last night. You reach for your coinpurse, but it's nowhere to be found. The barkeep must have cleaned you out, but you can hardly blame him after the commotion you made.

Pulling yourself to your feet, you look around and gather you've awaken in a ditch just outside of town. You were probably dragged here around closing time when no one could wake you up. Oh well.

To your back is the port town of Barccio, where you've spent the first 20 years of your life. You were an engraver, an apprentice to your father Lark McJitters despite your life-long dream for becoming a famous bard. He's dead now though, the last of your immediate family gone. The town is known for shipping local produce across the Sea of Dover.

The road stretches out in front of you, fringed with fields of grape, olive, and fig. The thrive in the temperate weather, regulated by the sea breeze. About 8 miles down this road is the small farming community appropriately named Granger. The village is unremarkable except for the gypsy fortune-teller who provides great entertainment with the tales she weaves. You're only vaugely aware of the cities that lie beyond there, and would likely need a map to navigate further to them.

This is the beginning of your journey. Where shall you venture?

[Phantom]

>Buy a lute and go to a place that has a king.

[Hortun]

>Buy a lute and go to a place that has a king.

You would love to buy an instrument, but as previously stated, you have no currency. There may be something of value in your hovel you could barter for money, or perhaps you could perform services.

The king is a fabled man who lives in the far-off city-state of Kregsfard. You only know this town is west of you, probably days of travel. There are also barons, governors, mayors, and other nobles of this land whom you may wish to impress.

[Phantom]

>Steal a lute
>Go to butcher and ask for 5 bratwurst
>Steal some money
>Go to Blacksmith and buy some Bard Armor to increase our Pulchritude.

[Hortun]

>Steal a lute

Thinking back, you recall the dwarven crafters having recently made a fine oaken lute, ringed with silver and inlaid with gems. The brothers who crafted this are stout, experienced dwarves who would have little tolerance for thieves. Their shop is in the soutwestern quarter of town.

Alternatively, you could try your hand in pocketing a lute from the foreign traders near the docks at the south edge of town. They handle goods of all sorts, but come here to import fine foods to their lands. There may be less chance or retribution stealing from these folk, but you are unsure of what quality the instrument would be.

[Phantom]

>Beg for money
>Beat any rival hobos to death

[Hortun]

>Beg for money
>Beat any rival hobos to death

You decide against thievery, for whatever reason. Instead, you sit alongside the rode you awoke at and beg for money.

By 1:00 PM, you've reaped only a pitiful 6 copper pieces and many disdainful looks.

There are no other homeless folk here to beat, for they have gotten jobs by now.

[Phantom]

>↓ ↘ → + P
HADOKEN!

[Nirur Torir]

Let's steal a lute from the traders and head for that village with the gypsy.

[mainiac]

>Leverage the six copper coins as principle to back investments in credit default swap derivatives on the ships at the dock.
>Sign up as a crew member for one of the ships.
>Sabotage the ship 1 day out from harbor, causing it to sink.
>Swim to shore.
>Buy lute with money from the CDS derivative.

It's like insurance fraud, but with someone else's ship!

[Phantom]

>Keep punching the ground so you can have a combo
>Punch a guy
God: Say K.O.

[Hortun]

Let's steal a lute from the traders and head for that village with the gypsy.

You decide that perhaps the best way to start your new life is to find an instrument and suck up to some nobles. Barding and all.

You make your way for your first goal: the trade district. Walking to the southern edge of town, you feel the briny wind pick up; perhaps it will storm tonight. The port is busy with sailors and merchants swarming over their cargo. Surely no one would notice in this chaos if one little lute were to go missing.

You enter the southern bazaar, a shanty collection of temporary stalls for travelers to peddle their wares in passing. From store to store you look for something to produce music until you find a small stall packed with foreign fineries. In it is a young, dark skinned elf, his cheeks set high leading to crisp, golden eyes. His aging assistant is carrying boxes back to the ship wearily; they will likely leave tomorrow morning.

As the assistant departs for the ship, you approach the merchant-elf, hawking over his wares.

"I see you're interested in my instruments, mountain-gnome! I've a fine dwarven harpsichord here from our visit to Orschmung, or perhaps this sitar from the men of Garnoway?"

Immediately you see the sitar is much to large for your gnomish self to have any chance of playing properly, although the harpsichord could be manageable. You look rather at a well-crafted string instrument propped up in back of the stall.

"Oh my, you do have fine tastes, good gnome. This would be my personal lute, to draw guests to my wares and for my own pleasure. I gave my best lamb to have its strings made; my brother crafted the body from mahogany. There's no better crafts than us dunmer of Nibans make.

Oh, pardon my rambling. So how about that harpsichord? Gold is always appriciated, but I've made my wealth trading of course."

You look around tentatively. There's a guard posted at the front of the bazaar, but not anywhere near your line of sight. Other shopkeepers and patrons go about their business all around, meaning an outright attack would not go unnoticed. The stall is a small enclosure, the walls are cloth draped from a tent-like frame. The lute sits in the far back, behind the shopkeep. The assistant by now is nearly at the ship, probably 300 yards back. If you want to trade, you only have six copper and your inventory, and there's probably not much of real value at your hovel in town.

What shall you do?

[Frelock]

Shout "Oh look: a distraction!" while pointing behind the shopkeeper.  Knock him out when he turns around.

[Phantom]

>Use SONIC BOOM on shopkeeper.

[Nirur Torir]

I'm not sure we can get away with stealing that, but a famous adventurer-bard-gnome with a harpsichord is a funny thought.

>Try to barter for the harpsicord with our coppers by making up a depressing sob story about ourselves and how we desperately need an instrument to fulfill our father's dying wish: To play music for the orphans of the world, making their lives slightly better.