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[elwessweettea]

Today the elf diplomat came to visit for the first time.

"What a pleasant surprise! Not a single tree here weeps from the abuses meted out with such ease by your people. Joy! The dwarves have turned a page, not that we would make paper. A travesty! Perhaps it is better said that the dwarves have turned over a new leaf, and the springtime for our two races has only just begun."

Well, if one has a thriving fortress in a tundra where trees don't grow and invaders die of cold... of course we won't kill trees. Now what shall I do to fix this problem?

[Lawec]

Apply magma to the elves.
It is the only solution.

[Bryan Derksen]

I had a similarly hellish tundra fort once. I found an underground stream and made a gigantic tower cap farm, which I harvested for wood. The elves sent a diplomat to beg me to stop chopping down trees that would never have existed in the first place had it not been for the herculean efforts of my Dwarven miners and engineers.

Then my not-quite-properly-tame cave crocodile ate her. Good times.

[blue emu]

I've got the same situation...

My current Fortress is in the desert... no doubt the Elves are quite impressed with my restraint in not cutting down all those (non-existant) trees.

The last time the Elves visited me, I bought a Grizzly Bear from them. I'm trying to work out a way to feed them to it.

[forsaken1111]

The last time the Elves visited me, I bought a Grizzly Bear from them. I'm trying to work out a way to feed them to it.

1. Set up trade depot to drop 1 z-level into grizzlypit.
2. Wait until elves go berserk/melancholy.
3. Release grizzly.
4. Giggle.

Repeat once a year for a healthy laugh.

[Aspgren]

I've heard that the elves get upset not by how many trees you have - but how many logs.

You guys need to import a few thousand logs and put them in huge stockpile for all elves to see.

[Deadmeat1471]

Carve logs into totems amd display the tree carcass for all elfendom to see.

[Grendus]

Build the whole trade complex out of wood.

[slink]

Yes, it is the number of logs you have on hand that counts.  I have a tundra fortress with nary a tree (or any other vanilla plant) in sight, and the Elves constantly express their bitterness over what I am doing to the "forests surrounding" the fortress.   

I don't know how the math is done; whether it is how many you have as compared to last year, to last year's plus what they sold you, or to the absolute number of logs.  I have read that forbidding all the logs on-hand causes the caravans to supply you as if you were actually out of wood.  I wonder if Elves could be fooled in the same fashion.

[Rowanas]

100 logs in stockpile is the current most popular idea based on observed elf interactions.

[Dorf3000]

Now what shall I do to fix this problem?

Weapon traps, filled with wooden weapons.  For an elf to die from the thing he loves most; to hear his wails of agony and betrayal - this is the most satisfying entertainment for a dwarf.

[Canadark]

Now what shall I do to fix this problem?

Weapon traps, filled with wooden weapons.  For an elf to die from the thing he loves most; to hear his wails of agony and betrayal - this is the most satisfying entertainment for a dwarf.

Somebody once suggested a death chamber with weapons traps each loaded with a single whip. Blood for the blood god.

[Limul Thak]

Don't forget to make the whips out of silver to humiliate them and make the pain last longer. Oh, and, of course, the wooden crafts shop on display in front of their flogged faces doesn't hurt (well, you at any rate ).

[Quietust]

Trouble is, you can't make whips - you have to either buy them from the Humans (and get them out of copper, bronze, bismuth bronze, and iron) or loot them from slain Goblin Lashers (and get them out of iron, plus the occasional Scourge which does a little bit more damage). Alternatively, you could mod dwarves into being able to make them, but that'd likely require a regen, and they still wouldn't be able to wield them (due to limitations in the weapon selection menu).

[Beanchubbs]

I have a good idea for elf torture. It won't be as slow as whipping, but it would be pretty funny if it works.

WWWWWWW
WH++++++HW
WH++++++HW
WH++++++HW
WH++++++HW
WH++++++HW
WH++++++HW
WWWWWWW

W = W
H = wooden hammer trap
+ = floor

You could drop all elfish (or non elfish) prisoners into there. They will get tossed back and forth from getting hit by the hammers. It would be like watching a game of Elf-pong.

I don't know if this would work because I don't use weapons traps so I don't know how the hammers in one would work.