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[Gunner-Chan]

Spoiler: This is old and irrelevant now. But preserved. (click to show/hide)

Why am I making this topic? Because the sad thread isn't mine, and I don't want people that don't care to have to read all this. Plus I can just turn this into a life topic like toonys and strifes later anyway.

I've been stressed, depressed. Even thought things have been going well for me things drag me back down... And It feels like it's gonna be this way for some time. The worst part is I havent talked to people about some of my problems... Important people... Milly and Eva have no idea how I feel, I don't wanna bring them down...

Milly is on her way home, Eva is napping. She got hurt after falling in the kitchen and I wouldn't wanna make that worse anyway, but I'm gonna tell her everything... I can't keep doing this.

I am also gonna tell all of you, I am gonna hate myself for this but I have to. Just in case I don't come back because I did something stupid.

First off... I've been remembering and old friend. Karin. She was one of my closest friends a few years ago, but she sadly decided she couldn't take life anymore and killed herself. I've been remembering this... Very vividly. I've had dreams about it, where I try to stop her. I never succeed. While the dreams are gone they did their damage, I feel like I'm going nuts over it. Even when I'm awake sometimes I see it.

Second... I've had an... Attraction to someone... Some people know who. But There's nothing in the situation I can do and I'm honestly... Jealous... I feel like shit because I have lost too many friends to that goddamn emotion and now I'm suffering from it. I feel like such a hypocrite. But I can't make it go AWAY! I don't know what to DO... And the memorys from this bring back other problems... People that left me and were alienated from me because I was greedy. And I'm worried it's gonna happen all over again...

Last there's a friend of mine that was feeling really down... Possibly like I am right now. I wanted to help but it felt like I was being pushed away... It made me wanna just... Die... With the other problems it feels worse. I don't wanna loose anyone but it feels like I'm going to... Everywhere. I'm even worryed about Milly or Eva staying around. I feel like I'm going to lose everything...

I hope this puts some things in perspective for some people... Ill be back... I think Milly is gonna be here soon and I got a lot to say...

Here, I say stuff. Stuff that happens or I think. Much like two other topics on this very board. :3

[Rooster]

Feeling down is an important part of everybody and it spares no one.
I would take my life if not for the fact that I've never let go of hope.
Hope will always live in my heart.
I hope it lives in yours.

[Realmfighter]

First, don't beat yourself up over it. Do you think she would have wanted you to go crazy? You couldn't have done anything to stop her, even if you could its history. No matter how much you blaim yourself, she wont come back.

Second, do what would make you feel better. If telling them what you feel, but not telling makes you kill yourself, TELL THEM! You should all ways come first. If doing so would make you lose friends, and that would make you feel worse then just bottling up the feelings then don't tell.

Finely, stop worry. You'll only make your self feel worse in the end.

[Duke 2.0]

 And a wave of heaviness seems to sweep over the forums now.

 I have no experience with your first point, so I don't think any advice I can give would help. I might even make things worse. All I can do is hope that these nightmares of a wronged past will stop, as I don't think your friend would want this weighing so heavily on your heart.

 The second point is a but more difficult to deal with, as there are wildly varying ideals on what Love is. The advice I give on this is subjective, so feel free to throw it out. If you are willing to go through the crap of your past relationships to make them happy, then go for it. If you are interested for a personal motivation then the fallout might not be worth it. This is a tricky one.

  I think it was said in another thread that the best one can do for somebody deep in depression is be there with them. You don't even necessarily have to say anything, just be somebody for them to be with. I'm not sure if this deals with loneliness, but show with subtle actions how you feel about them.

[Eidalac]

0_0

Well, I'm pretty sure you'll feel better after you get to talk to Milly.  Talking almost always helps, and keeping stuff inside never helps; that I know for a fact.

Just remember, you are bloody awesome. 

[Aqizzar]

Well, I just spent the past hour writing about Batman and drinking wine, which tells you how good my advice is, but I hope you'll listen to me.  You know I care.  So here's my addition to the advice pile.

Tell everyone everything.  Acknowledgment makes everything better.  Apprehension makes everything worse.

You are not responsible for your friend killing herself.  Was there something, somehow, that you could possibly have done to prevent it?  In another place and time, just maybe.  But lived your life in the way that you could only be expected to, and it happened anyway.  By the sound of it, you were a great friend to her too.  All other implications aside, you two wouldn't have been so close if you were in any way the cause of her terminal sadness.  It was not your fault.  I know all too well how hard that is to believe, but I assure you, it was not your fault.

And as for the attraction, just talk about it, especially if it's the kind of thing that you know can't happen.  Well, I say that, but that didn't exactly work out for me.  On second thought, try to figure out why you're attracted.  Hell, tell us - we can't hurt anything, and just hearing someone else's perspective might shake it out of your head.

And the friend, well, that's life.  And sometimes you don't feel so helpful.  You just have to do whatever you can.

You know we're always here and we like you.  What little that matters sure, shadows in a cave and all that.  But I'd like to think we're better than nothing, and we are your friends.

[ein]

Yeah, I don't really have anything good to add, everyone else's advice was too good.
Anyway, good luck. Hope you feel better soon.

[Eidalac]

www.rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2009-01-19

www.rockpapercynic.com/index.php?date=2008-12-12

[Gunner-Chan]

Talking really helps... We just talked it over for nearly two hours, and I feel mostly better. She was quite suprised I'd been holding all that back, and she told me to just talk with her when I feel like that again.

So I'm back already then. Both me and her think a break from here would actually be bad for me.

I'm sorry I worried you all.

Also... That little clam actually cheered me up quite a bit Eidalac. :3

[Eidalac]

Also... That little clam actually cheered me up quite a bit Eidalac. :3

^_^

That comic has some real gems, but the clam always wins it for me.


So glad to hear you are feeling better.

[Keiseth]

Welcome back, Sofia! I'm glad to hear you feel better, as well. I apparently missed this topic when it was new, somehow...

Never underestimate the power of a good talk! :D

[Gunner-Chan]

And a good hug... To be honest we only really talked for like... 30 minutes... The rest was pretty much her holding onto me in her lap and rocking me like a little baby... It was just... So cute and nice feeling. :3

[Eidalac]

Huzza for Hugs!

[Keiseth]

Aww, that sounds nice. Huzzah! :D

[Itnetlolor]

Having someone to talk with is great to have. Especially great if you have family willing to talk with you if nobody else is available.

In regards to the love issue; at least by my perspective, it's a jaded concept that garners no more attention from me. But alas, that is a different story on it own. Simply put, don't worry about love; it should come from somewhere. Usually as a blindside; or so I've been fooled into the concept of thinking. I say, just accept what comes your way, and wing it if you have no plan on how to deal with it. Moreso, that's my overall perspective on life.

Nice to see you're here to stay though.


Always remember, it usually darkest before dawn. Stick around, and the light will eventually come over the horizon.