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I am an unclickable option.

I am also that.

[Il Palazzo]

"Why is the world so cruel? Why does nobody like me?" Mimi was going through a difficult period in her demonic life. First of all, she fell in love. With Dag - he was so romantic! And flamboyant, and courageous, and cruel, and fit, and so very... big. Too big, actually. More like enormous, huge or humongous. What was she going to do with such a lover anyway? Besides, he was way out of her league, being the world's most beloved hero and all.
After she got over Dag, Mimi had a passing infatuation with Frode, but she quickly realized that this Niefel was way too cold and distant for her tastes. And big, that too.
Well, what was a girl supposed to do? After all, there were so many tales of Kailasan boys' acrobatic and exalted bedroom perfomances in that book she read. What was it's name again? Yaksha-sutra? Sidha-sutra? And she heard from one Lesser Horror who was just returning from frontline duty, that some of those ape-people had four arms! Mimi dreamely fantasized about one of those fit and funny and outright magical guys fondling all of her curvatures at once. Indeed, getting a Kailasan lover was a goal worth striving for!
Unfortunately, Mimi's first experiences with a harsh reality left her rather depressed. First that Sidha, he made fun of her wings and called her a devil(how ignorant!). Mimi got angry with him, and made sure he wouldn't offend her again. Then that exalted Guru guy, Mimi admired him so for his calm composure, sharp mind and mad levitation skillz. But all he could talk about was attaining Nirvana. She didn't know about other succubi, but Mimi never was into rock music. After a long and fruitless month of trying to get his attention, Mimi realized that she had to dump him before he'll do it first. She thought that it'd hurt less this way, but the break out left her with a wound that, she was sure, wouldn't ever heal. Dogmeat tried to be reassuring and told her that he'll work his magicks on her, and everything will be fine, but what can he know about woman's heart? He's a giant dog, after all.

[E. Albright]

Poor Mimi. She seems quite distraught, but it really is her own fault. She should've followed her heart more closely. Lieutenant Abhijit can attest that when in love, small matters like massive differences in size mean nothing. I understand he'll be able to triumphantly prove that this month. Or the next. He assures me it can't be more than that - three on the very outside. In any case, he would confide in her that going after Kailasans on the rebound might have seemed like a good idea at the start - for who could possibly resist a cute Avati boi? No one, that's who - but all that time contemplating the Celestial Spheres actually makes them pretty dull, as poor Mimi appears to have learned. Four hands that are only good for striking more and more complicated yoga positions while meditating? Thank you, no! A siddha may be a dancer, but they ain't no lover.

Now, the good Lieutenant would obviously be unable to give her the attention she plainly deserves (his playa days ended when he renounced all that "being one with everything, and its cute kid sister" hookam - no, be assured he's a one-fish monkey these days), but he tells me that if she's not willing to follow her heart and overcome the obstacles the demanding fates laid between her and her Dag... well, he still has several cousins trapped in Kailasa who have never sullied their minds with the least thought of enlightenment, and who would be only too eager to show a fiery lass like her the good time she so plainly needs to mend her cruel emotional wounds.

[E. Albright]

Seven hours 'til the deadline - you two need an extension, or are ya gonna get your conspiring done with time to spare? 

[Il Palazzo]

Are we getting paranoid?
A rhetorical question.

[E. Albright]

Nah, we're not getting paranoid - we've been there for years. 

Rhetorical or not, the current diplomatic Atlantis-Kailasa diplomatic exchanges haven't had a character that would preclude the idea of the yakshas trying to play us off each other in order to buy still more time to take advantage of their obscene research lead. The reason we all (including dear departed Mictlan) got into this mess was because Kailasa's neighbors were willing to sit back with secure borders for 25 turns and let them gobble up all those independents with pitifully cheap quantities of thugs while focusing the overwhelming majority of their resources on magical infrastructure. Given how magically powerful the wretches are, that's a recipe for disaster, as I don't think I need tell anyone who's been paying attention...

[E. Albright]

Status, circa fall in the fifth year of the Ascension Wars (turn 55):

Spoiler: Scores (click to show/hide)

	Provinces
Mictlan	0
Vanheim	24
Niefelheim	49
Kailasa	48
Hinnom	0
Atlantis	50
Independents	9

	Forts
Mictlan	0
Vanheim	9
Niefelheim	9
Kailasa	15
Hinnom	0
Atlantis	22
Independents	0

	Income
Mictlan	0
Vanheim	2846
Niefelheim	3568
Kailasa	3982
Hinnom	0
Atlantis	6364
Independents	300

	Gem Income
Mictlan	0
Vanheim	17
Niefelheim	70
Kailasa	91
Hinnom	0
Atlantis	99
Independents	2

	Research
Mictlan	1314
Vanheim	1911
Niefelheim	4747
Kailasa	186269
Hinnom	571
Atlantis	6988
Independents	0

	Dominion
Mictlan	0
Vanheim	287
Niefelheim	895
Kailasa	981
Hinnom	0
Atlantis	515
Independents	0

Nation	Army Size
Mictlan	0
Vanheim	1410
Niefelheim	2139
Kailasa	2367
Hinnom	0
Atlantis	3706
Independents	655

Spoiler: Hall of Fame (click to show/hide)

	Deaths	Nation	Kills	Exp.
Barak Obama	1	Kailasa	347	263
Vladimir Putin	1	Kailasa	274	128
Ygh'yha	1	Atlantis	227	175
Avisa	1	Kailasa	110	237
Angelo	1	Kailasa	129	154
Sam	1	Kailasa	149	112
Frode	0	Niefelheim	92	231
Dag	0	Niefelheim	83	238
Agnima	0	Kailasa	101	170
Suzanne	1	Kailasa	106	147

The map has changed a fair bit, but my intel isn't complete enough for me to feel comfortable trying to update it. The above stats can be a bit misleading, of course; the province numbers include territory that raiders are passing through without making a serious effort to hold, income figures are gross (though net can be very loosely extrapolated from army sizes), blood economies aren't listed, etc.

[Kagus]

I'm starting to get a little annoyed with the demo...  First it craps out just when I'm really starting to dominate the AI in one match, and then it sends Niefelheim against me in another.  Niefelheim.  A nation you're not allowed to play as in the demo.

That's what really gets me.  Including the content in the package, but keeping you from using it.


Also, I know people named Frode.  But I don't know anyone named Sam.  Go figure.

[E. Albright]

Since this turn seems to be taking yinz a while, do either/both of you need an extension? I already pushed hosting back 24h, but if one or both of you think you'll need more time yet it's no problem to push it out further. Just say the word if ya need it...

[Kagus]

I decided to try out a bless build for Kailasa after checking out some guides.  Imprisoned Phoenix with 9 fire 7 air.

First of all, this means a 60% air shield, so it helps mitigate the hilarious vulnerability to ranged weapons that the Kailasan sacreds have.  Second, flaming weapons on two attacks (if it applies to kicking).  The air shield helps them get into range for hacking and slashing without dying too much, and the fire bless turns what was already a good warrior into a downright scary melee combatant.  Once they get into a brawl with the enemy frontliners, it's all over.  I've actually never seen troops vanish so fast, short of when my Kailasan monkeys get hit by arrows.

The game started out rather...  Well, rather poorly.  I sent out two different parties on the second turn, one got shredded by arrows and the other was a group of six sacreds that took a couple losses but managed to take the province.  Okay, I figured, it could be worse.

Then it got worse.  My luck crapped out and an army of villains attacked my newly-acquired province, slaughtering the sacreds and the Guru I had sent along to ferry them around (my markata prophet couldn't fulfill this role).  To their credit, they managed to kill eight times their number of villains before being destroyed.


So my first few turns were total crap.  I was fighting turmoil 3 and sloth 3 scales for cash on my sole province while trying vainly to take on some of my neighbors (all of whom happened to be archer-heavy...  The bloodshed was staggering).  I actually ended up taking them by using hordes of markata archers...  Go figure.

Anyways, while I was fumbling around my home plate, the AI was just rolling right along and taking a couple provinces each turn.  I looked at the scoreboard, and found friggin' Ermor staring back at me.  Goddamn demo.


Fast forward a bit, and I've started seeing their provinces on the map.  They've got me whipped in every score category except for gems and research, and I've only just started to get a lead in those.  I'm hoping, nay, praying that he'll use mostly melee armies.  If he does, then I can (almost) safely obliterate his armies with little difficulty.  If, on the other hand, he's actually making as many slingers as I think he's making...

Damn.  Afraid of slingers...  That's just sad.  Heavy cavalry?  No sweat.  Elephants?  Don't make me laugh.  But slingers?  Yikes.

Kailasa is one funny little monkey.


EDIT:  On the plus side, I think he may actually be fielding gladiators.  Time for some nasty tactics...

[Il Palazzo]

Since this turn seems to be taking yinz a while, do either/both of you need an extension? I already pushed hosting back 24h, but if one or both of you think you'll need more time yet it's no problem to push it out further. Just say the word if ya need it...

Yeah, sorry, could you do that? Another 24h? I'm a lazy bastard, I admit. I'll try and submit the turn tommorow evening. Sorry, I just can't wrap my mind around this game today. It's gotten soo god damn demanding.

[EuchreJack]

Nothing scares me more than seeing Ermor as an opponent.  In any age, their ability to field an army is amazing.  It plays well into the AI "tactics" (mainly, create a swarm of 100+ units and attack).

In early age, they have some of the best armor of the age.  In other ages, their unholy priests can summon an army out of the dead.

Word of warning from an outside observer: Kailasa isn't the only strong threat.  Those Atlantians are also huge.  Then again, they probably only have water gems....

Remember before the time of man, before the prophecy of the end of the world, when the Giants (Niefelheim) and Asgards (Vanheim) worked together?  You may want to consider that, or get swallowed up by either Kailasa or Altlantis.

[E. Albright]

Vanheim went AI 10 or 15 turns ago. It doing so may have been the turning point, as it had had a completely unwavering non-aggression pact with Kailasa. Admittedly, that was also when I rethought my strategy versus the apes, and went from dumping all my resources into a desperate attempt to roll back the southwestern Kailasan front, to fighting a holding action there while I raided their coasts and spread diseases among their researchers. I'm sure that did its part to distract and disorient the previously-unstoppable Kailasan juggernaut.

Regarding the current balance of power, all three humans are close, but I'd put Atlantis third after Kailasa and Neifelheim (not necessarily in that order), actually. I may have the largest army and income, but one of those counters the other to no small degree, and there's the matter of quality of troops as well. This is the first turn I've been on top for gem income, too; I'm unwilling to say that I control 10 or 15 of those gems, rather than just borrowing them while raiding. I also have the least magical diversity of any of the remaining nations, and my domain is far weaker, as is utterly the norm for Atlantis.

But then, these observations could just as easily flow from a profound pessimist as a resolute conniver, so...

[EuchreJack]

Of Course you'd say that you're third...

But, your correct.  One Neifelheim soldier is probably worth at least 4 of your Atlantian fishpeople/Indie Savage soldiers.  And 90% of your gems are probably Water, requiring a 4:1 exchange to turn them into anything but Astral.  I'd advise Neifelheim to thug it up and attack everything that moves.

Oh, and you all might want to gang up on Vanheim.  Their hidden armies get annoying, and the less provinces with unknown forces you need to take, the better.  I'd intentionally avoid playing them in multiplayer, simply from understanding that if I was facing them, their destruction would be a priority simply out of annoyance.

[E. Albright]

The degree to which Vanns are annoying cannot be overstated. I have a border with almost every single one of their provinces, and have yet to actually capture one (though not for lack of trying). It doesn't help that before going AI, Cheeetar turtled like a mad man, so the PD is insane.

[slMagnvox]

Sorry again for delay, playing these turns are no longer a matter of 15 minutes spare time.

Epic fail on the diplomacy.  Heh.