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[sonerohi]

Constructive criticism: Repost the story that you know you want to repost.

[Jackrabbit]

Sorry?

[Supermikhail]

So, well answered, Jackrabbit, but, imagine that I am a random unbiased reader. And I am confused after reading your story. Or even dissatisfied. You have clarified it for me, and I am happy, but you aren't going to explain it to every single one of your readers?
Maybe I'm dumb, but I got that One day thing only this morning (the morning on the next day). Maybe your target audience are people who like to ponder on what they've read for a while. But, as, I think, someone has already noted, there isn't so much space in your story as to deeply involve most readers. If you plan to develop on your story in your collection, and let the reader slowly find out what that house's backstory is, and what that hungry creature is, then it may turn out good, but otherwise it reminds me of simplistic thriller stories, which could be interesting only for kids around 10.

A finer point: I assume, the face is supposed to be the climax of the story. If so, it isn't given nearly enough description. You just repeat "a face". Maybe that's what a normal person would be able to write in his/her diary, but few people read real-life diaries for literary merits.

[Jackrabbit]

Really?

Damn, I keep coming across wrong. The face isn't the climax of the story, the escape is. It's all very vague, sure, but I thought that was more clear than it obviously actually is.

EDIT: Gah, I realized the problem.

Like I said in my recent post, I'm not going to make a collection of short stories. This was not a story I intend to try and sell at all. It was, actually, an assignment for English, and I figured I'd post it here since I quite like it. Hence the lack of swearing and the rather compressed nature. I only had 800 words with which to write this story. It'd be clearer should I have had more space to be clearer.

[Supermikhail]

Ok. I think I liked this story more than the one in the OP  .

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

The beginning of that one was unbearable. If I may, it was like a dissonant waltz before a nice rock part in the ending. Bla-bla hot, bla kids, bla booze... then ta-da, out, into the alleyway, pat on the shoulder, dead.

Nevermind, I think the discussion about that one is already closed anyway.

Well, are you going to put here something finished some time?

[Jackrabbit]

Probably.