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[blue emu]

My new Fort is rather boring. I hadn't realized until after the world was genned that both the Gobbos and the Hippies had died out (or were out of contact).

Still... my Dorfs are making their own entertainment:

I've had two Artifacts created so far.

The first was a possession  that gave me what appears to be some sort of Dwarven erotic toy, apparently a vibrator:

Kastaz Sheced, The Conjunction of Carnality (a Limestone Mechanism).

The second (the product of a Strange Mood) was even weirder:

Edimlushut, Raysguilt (a Groundhog Bone Battleaxe)

... what's perverted about that, you ask? The description:

It's covered in Leather, with an engraving of "The Mystery-Incest of Clouting of the Complex Dread" and refers to "Skull-Seduced of the Splattered Sieges".

Finely detailed engravings on request... shipped in a plain brown wrapper, of course.

Anyone else?

[Quantum Toast]

Best/worst I've had is "The Girder of Balls".

And possibly "The Shameful Volcano", depending on how you interpret it.

[Duke 2.0]

 I think the absolute worst possible was a bed called The Altar of Whoring.

[**((pig tail sock))**]

I once had a wooden spiked crown with images of batmen in leather.

Declinedmoral, a willow crown

It seems like just wearing it would make you debaucherous.

[Duke 2.0]

 Was it an image of a batman made of leather, a leather image of a batman or an image of a batman in leather?

[Lord Dakoth]

I think the absolute worst possible was a bed called The Altar of Whoring.

Haha, that was mine. It was "The Altar of Whores," though.

One of my friends had made a custom wordpack. (Altar isn't a word in vanilla DF.) He added lots of words, like altar, spikes, slaying, all those fun words that would sound awesome in fortress/artifact/dorf names.

The first artifact that either of us saw that used one of his "custom words" was the Altar of Whores. 'Twas a turtle bone bed. We both lol'd for a while.

[Quietust]

Haha, that was mine. It was "The Altar of Whores," though.

Are you sure? The last 2 times you mentioned it, it was definitely "The Altar of Whoring":

A while ago, when I had just started playing DF, I got a Turtle bone Bed. Its name was "The Altar of Whoring." I nearly burst my lungs laughing.

Could kick myself for not screening it. I wasn't a member of this forum at that time, so I really had no one to share it with.

Once, I had an artifact turtle bone bed, called... ready for it? The Altar of Whoring.

Every time I start up DF, I could kick myself for not screening it.

[Lord Dakoth]

Yes, I know, 'twas my mistake.

I tried to name one of my forts "The Altar of Whoring," but the word "Whoring" did not appear when I did a search for it, even with my friend's custom word pack. The only related words were "whore" and "whores" so it must've been "whores."

[KenboCalrissian]

The best I've received in Vanilla DF is "Drillrighteous the Triangle of Fondling."  It's a pair of wolf leather pants that menace with spikes of hydra leather and goblin bone.

Incidentally, I nicknamed a dwarf 'Gonads' because I'm a jerk, and his image appears on this artifact.  "On the item is an image of 'Gonads'..."  Yes, I can provide a screenshot upon request.

Other good ones that aren't as funny are an Ashen weaponrack called "Dullwads," and a Garnierite bed called "Somberswallows the Odorous Typhoon." 

Click here to ruin your life:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Sounds like the bed was used for 2 dwarves 1 mug...

[Tryptic]

Yes, I know, 'twas my mistake.

I tried to name one of my forts "The Altar of Whoring," but the word "Whoring" did not appear when I did a search for it, even with my friend's custom word pack. The only related words were "whore" and "whores" so it must've been "whores."

...the words wife, husband, marriage, engage, fiance, and wedding don't appear in the game's dictionary, but WHORING does?  Aw, bloody hell.

If only my dream of making a fort to propose was instead of me making a fort to start my pimping career.  Then that would actually be helpful.

[Lord Dakoth]

Click here to ruin your life:

No. You didn't.
That was completely uncalled for.

[blue emu]

Totally off-topic... but hey, it's MY thread... this particular Fort has both Pitchblende deposits (an ore of Uranium) AND several different Berylium-based gems, such as Aquamarine, Honey Beryl and Red Beryl. Berylium is a neutron-reflector.

Now all I need is a decent moderator... at a pinch, I suppose I could use Charcoal, or just flood the reactor-room with water; but I'd prefer to use Graphite if possible.

Anyone know which rock-type should be explored for Graphite deposits?

[Firnagzen]

http://dwarffortresswiki.net/index.php/Graphite

[blue emu]

http://dwarffortresswiki.net/index.php/Graphite

Cool! I've got schist-loads of schist. I'll explore that layer for Graphite. Thanks.

[Dorf3000]

http://dwarffortresswiki.net/index.php/Graphite

Cool! I've got schist-loads of schist. I'll explore that layer for Graphite. Thanks.

Enough to make a German Schist movie?

_{sorry, couldn't resist}