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[Jude]

There is so much wrong in this post I don't know where to start.

1) Sex isn't (or shouldn't be) the only reason you're interested in girls.

2) We shouldn't be assuming that they're going to have sex on the first date anyways, especially since they're 15.

Good thing I didn't say either of those things then huh

Also, sex IS the reason men and women are interested in each other...our bodies are reproduction machines

3) If you need "cool friends" to get a girl, she's not worth your time. If she doesn't like you for who you are, you should just forget it.

This is good advice for some people and TERRIBLE advice for others. Fact is, some people as they are, are not gonna get any chicks. So they can just stay the way they are because everyone keeps telling them to be themselves, or else they can clean themselves up, whip their life into shape, make themself into somebody that other people want to be around, and enjoy the benefits. If you feel like something is part of your identity, sure, go ahead and cherish it (unless you'd rather get girls). But I'm pretty sure most of the things that stand between awkward guys and getting girls are not stuff they'd consider an important part of their self-concept.

One thing's for certain, the OP has given us enough information to know that he is not currently prime beefcake, and if he wants that to change, telling him to just be himself and stay the same ain't gonna help.

Of course you need to move away from the dork-zoid zone, but you should never try to be someone who you aren't for a girl. If you do, it ends badly.

But what does it mean to "be someone you aren't?" Does it depend on what you define yourself as? Or what others see you as? And where do you draw the line between characteristics that you have to keep the same because changing them would be "trying to be someone you're not", and characteristics that repulse people and have got to go? What if they're one and  the same?

If you're a shy and awkward teenager, then it may feel like it's "not you" to go to parties, go up to people and shoot the shit and make new friends, flirt idly with girls, show off, and so on, but do you want to stay shy and awkward forever?

And as for having cool friends, sure, if you hate them don't hang out with them. But nobody wants to have fewer friends, at least past a certain point. And being around cool people makes you meet more cool people, and associating with cool people makes you more attractive to girls. That's a fact. You can define "cool" however you want.

4) If she likes you for your "cool friends," that should be ringing alarm bells all over the place.

Here's another thing about female psychology (well, human psychology in general) - the reasons why people think or feel a certain way are not necessarily known to the people in question. If you see a girl you like, for example, you just see her, perceive her as hot and an interesting person, and there it is. You don't analyze her facial features and body shape and compare them to an ideal model in order to calculate her hotness in a formula. Same goes for girls. They see a guy and they think he's hot. They don't think, (with a few exceptions) "this is a guy who's well-dressed, popular, comfortable in social situations and self-confident, has talent and prospects and money, I guess I should be attracted to him." People feel as if they're attracted to others for no other reason than that the person just seems right to them, but that isn't the ultimate level of causation. Girls brush their hair and put on makeup and sexy clothes to attract men, and men do all that stuff I listed above to attract women.

So yeah, don't pretend to be a person that you're not...except if you need to. If you need to pretend to be a confident studly dude, then if you start acting like one, you will become one. If you consider that betraying your true self, then whatever. Mating is a marketplace and you're not increasing your stock value by telling yourself you're more "real" than all the other guys around you who are getting all the women.

btw another benefit of cool friends is they can teach you how to be less of a tool

[Cthulhu]

Here's something silly you can do to get a bit of an impression on whether she's into you or she's humoring you.  When a person talks to someone they like, they unconsciously imitate that person's body language.  Do some little stuff like shift the way you're sitting, rub your chin, stuff like that.  If she does the same thing, it might mean she doesn't hate you.

[Jude]

Of course, that can apply even if she's not into you, so a better way would be to just ask her out

[Tack]

D'ya want to hear my advice?

Note the pause, as you weigh up the chances of my advice being shocking.



My advice is - In informal language:
Th' reason she was giggling at you in the first place is because you look like a cherub. Gawd that's cute - which is wierd for a male to say.
Ok - scrap that.


The best relationship advice I can give is: Chicks will break your heart, don't go there.
Ok, scrap that too.


Ok. If you want to pull chicks you merely have to emphasise with them. If you can't emphasise with her, then it's not a smart thing to do. Edward Cullen emphasises with his snooty little ho-bag, and that's what girls swoon over, which is why they like Twilight. The worst mistake you can make is to go out with her, and then have her realise that you're not enough like her edward. It's happened to other guys. 1. Avoid twilight fangirls. Seriously. But, if you still like the girl, then you should just be your normal self around her. You being your normal self is what attracted your friendship circle to you, and if she likes that kind of personality then you're in. Don't go thinking of sex at the age of fifteen. At an age like that, you need at least a ten-month relationship first. Yes. That's all. But sex is far away. First, we're talking about getting girls to like you.

I will admit, I have never been "friend zoned", ever. I don't know why, but I am either loved or hated by girls - and the hated is usually ex-girlfriends or the friends of ex-girlfriends. The best advice I can tell you is - learn to solve girl's problems. If you can make her feel good when she feels bad, then you are immediately in. You're an intelligent boy, so you should be able to. Seeing as a situation in which she feels bad would happen anytime soon, and she wouldn't confide in you anyway, here's a very simple way to do whatever. Next time she giggles at you, get offended. Sulk. Fuck your manhood, there's a chick at stake. If she feels bad, then reel her in. Get her to tell you why she's always giggling at you (even though you already know). Don't be too bold - don't do things you wouldn't normally do. A relationship starts with trust. If she trusts you - you're in. Friend zone or not, you're in the trust anyway, and that matters.

[/speel]

[Vester]

Ex-girlfriends? You're an unlucky man, Tack.

(or it could be the high school thing. The relationship turnover rate in high school is, well, high)

Another thing: don't date your friends. If it doesn't work out, EVERYTHING IS RUINED FOREVER. That's an exaggeration, but I dated one of my close friends for a while a couple of years ago, it didn't work out, and in the end I didn't speak to him properly for months.

[Hoborobo234]

Ok first thing, I never said that she is obsessed with twilight, I have heard her mention it only.

Th' reason she was giggling at you in the first place is because you look like a cherub. Gawd that's cute

Er, what?

She isnt one of my friends. I have only ever acknowledged her since these events began. She isnt that cool, as I have said she is as dumb a brick and she hangs around with us at lunch so...


I can see what you mean by a common interest etc. I don;t know about that. I really need to find out. I don;t really care what she like that I don;t though

[Cthulhu]

She's not cool, she's dumb as a brick, she likes Twilight.

Why are you even interested in her?  Or are you just really arrogant?

[Siquo]

Look, he didn't post his dilemma here to get yelled at. In any case, if anyone has a different taste in girls than you do, and you clearly think that your taste is better, then you, mr Cthulhu, are the arrogant one.

He is looking for genuine advice, not for criticism of his tastes.

Your earlier advice about body language was good, though, so I will not flame you any further.

[Hoborobo234]

Thank you siquo, I am paying a visit to a primary school tommorrow, lots of kiddies will have their hearts cut out in your honour.

[Vector]

Look, he didn't post his dilemma here to get yelled at.

Perhaps not, but why didn't this quotation raise any red flags for you?

I can see what you mean by a common interest etc. I don;t know about that. I really need to find out. I don;t really care what she like that I don;t though

OP, I really don't think you should get involved with this person, given that you don't seem to really care about her at all as a person.  If you're looking for a random relationship: well, okay.  I guess that's the way people are sometimes.  As-is, though, you don't seem to actually have her best interests at heart, which is one of those things that tends to make relationships go down in flames.

You like dumb chicks: okay.  You like awkward chicks: okay.  You like Twilight fangirls: ... I guess that's what happens, sometimes.  I hope she grows out of it.

You don't care about anything that doesn't happen to revolve around you: snap out of it.  This is not a good way to treat people.

[Siquo]

Perhaps not, but why didn't this quotation raise any red flags for you?

No. No it did not. Having exactly the same hobbies as your partner can be nice, but it can also be awkward, and it definitely has nothing to do with being a "match". As long as there are a few activities that you can enjoy together, you're fine, but the fact that my gf hates computergames (my #1 pastime) doesn't make me love her any less.

#1 rule in relationships: Your own best interests are what counts the most. Nobody wants a lapdoggie that barks at every whim. Really, just be yourself.

[Maggarg - Eater of chicke]

Set her on fire and find a girl with a more than room temperature IQ. Who doesn't like Twishite.

[Eagleon]

Yeah, regardless of whether he's interested in the things she is, he's still going to be interested in her. There's a very good reason for this that has nothing to do with immaturity whatsoever, we just think it does because we associate relationships with things other than our own needs. The fact is, we look for girls, or guys, because we need physical companionship. No, I don't mean just sex. We also need to be reassured we can provide that, that we aren't hideous unlovable sociopaths. People will argue with me if I get much more psychological-egoist, so I'll stop.

At that age, I remember I was absolutely starved for those things. If he's really as smart as he thinks he is, he'll figure it out that in order to -get- them, you have to be willing to be trustworthy to her. That means not pissing her off and making her think she's worthless and ditsy. Or being a monumental douche and getting her pregnant. It's all about trust. If you can trust a person, you can love them.

Finding similar interests just speeds that up. It's helpful, it keeps things going because you can work together on things, but honestly you're probably going to end up getting dropped at some point - not through your own fault but because everyone at that age is an indecisive drama-filled bag of hormones, ESPECIALLY Twilight fans.

TLDR: You shouldn't really be worried about this being sustainable. Enjoy the cuddles, the movies (not for the movie itself :3), and everything you can. Treat her well and make her feel special. It's what you both probably need.

[Footkerchief]

Look, he didn't post his dilemma here to get yelled at. In any case, if anyone has a different taste in girls than you do, and you clearly think that your taste is better, then you, mr Cthulhu, are the arrogant one.

I'm curious what makes you think this has anything to do with tastes.  We've yet to hear of anything that he actually likes about her, unless he would enjoy having what he perceives as a dumb girlfriend.

[Hoborobo234]

FOR THE ONE THING:


SHE IS NOT A FUCKING TWILIGHT FANGIRL, I HEARD HER MENTION IT ONCE!!!!!


Also, What I meant by that is that, I don't really mind if she has some interests that I don't, we don't have to be exactly the same. And if we were I probably wouldn#t even consider her