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[KenboCalrissian]

1st Malachite, 209, Mid-Summer
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Three goblin snatchers were killed by a motley crew consisting of Nomal Zenithdagger the Engraver, Atír Razorcloak the Woodcutter, Led Theaterally the Furnace Operator, and the two dogs ònul Flagpointed and Kogan Spearsecrets.  With no casualties on our side, save a bruised left upper arm on Led!  Way to protect our children!

"Oh, bother.  I was really hoping one of them would die..."

I turn and find Likot Fountainclouted, our fort's only glassmaker (and only a Competent one at that), shaking his head at the lack of bodies.

"Likot!  What--"

"No, no, erase that.  It's not Likot anymore."

"...It's an engraving on slate.  I can't erase it."

"Then scratch it out!  My name is 'Rick' now... 'Rick' the 'Undertaker.'"

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"'Rick?!' Is that a human name?!  Ugh... Fine, guess I'll have to go and change yet another name in the logs.  What's with this 'Undertaker' bit though?"

"Zon, every dwarf needs a proper burial sooner or later... preferably sooner... I want to take it upon myself to ensure that they have a... pleasant rest in the afterlife... and who wouldn't want to start their eternal peaceful slumber early?"

"You're creepy.  Go move some more rocks onto that garbage compactor."

"Wouldn't you want them to be under the bridge...?"

"It's more Fun this way!  No go on, 'Rick,' let's see you roll some rocks."

"You don't mind where I put them, do you?  I'm... disorganized."

"It's a dump.  Soon it'll all be dust.  Don't beat yourself up over it."

I'm noticing a trend that's starting to bother me... the workers are no longer ecstatic.  It's probably the paranoia caused by the unexplained loss of their duke, following the loss of their baron... or, it could be their dismal 1x2 bedrooms.  I immediately designate the entire dormitory quarters to be smoothed, seeing if this will alleviate the problem.  If need be, we can start engraving pictures of dwarves being struck down by goblins or burning in magma to lighten their spirits better.  This is a perfectly sound and reasonable solution, if I do say so myself.

Reg the consort followed up her demand of a gold item with a demand of a pick.  Lucky her, she's getting one made of iron - we're practically swimming in the stuff right now!  Kikrost the dungeon master also put in an order for a silver armor stand in her bedroom.  Isn't it funny how these nobles all want several armor stands and weapon racks, but Armok be damned if you'll ever see them fight?  I could see the hammerer needing one weapon rack for that big, hefty hammer she carries around, but that's it.  Ah, well... silver armor stand it is.

Oh, and to be expected, Tekkud needs me to make a trifle pewter item just because everybody else is getting something.  What a freeloader!  Trifle pewter isn't even that valuable, why are you wasting my time with this?  At least I can sell those golden goblets Reg had me make...

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Nevermind!  Argh!!  What's going to happen when there are even more consorts??  This is preposterous...

I realize that I never created new bedrooms for the migrants that came with the latest duke!  I don't feel like counting beds, so I just order up forty new ones and a long hallway full of more 1x2 rooms.  Better to have too many than to have too few... also, what else are we going to do with all that wood?  Might as well... Hey, we struck native platinum in one of the new rooms!  Looks like some lucky fella is getting a 3x2.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

A fourth goblin snatcher appears.  Sigun Ikudmafol the Pump Operator (and I wish I knew what else) tackles it, but the thief gets the upper hand.  Two more dwarves and a dog rush in to save Sigun, who falls unconscious, but this goblin is resilient!  It manages to take down Sigun with it.  Curses... well, 'Rick,' looks like you finally have something to bury.

[Quietust]

I'd love to continue using glass, but for some reason all efforts in training up a glass maker have been futile, for reasons I can't understand.  I suppose I should set somebody on repeated glass garbage, but it's not worth it at this point.  I have all the wealth I can manage.

Glassmakers train just as quickly as any other worker - the only thing that makes glassmakers slower to train is all of the sand collection. Rather than do the glassmaking and sand gathering at the same time, have them do all of their glassworking at once, then refill the sand bag stockpiles afterwards (at least 100 sand bags should be enough).

[Dermonster]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Mental Journal of Dermonster
Entry two.

I have decided on a course of action. The workers are getting restless. The leader is not as smart as she thinks she is, deaths are abound.

Its time for a Workers Uprising.

I shall be subtle about this. I looked outside today, snatcher killed someone, but thats not important. What IS important is that i saw some Blood Root on top of a hill. It is a very rare and unknown herb, which i read about in a dusty old tome some years ago. No one else has heard of such a herb. When milled, and boiled for 2 hours, it becomes a deadly neuro-toxin which can be applied anywhere. I think I shall go and "pick up" some kobold stuff I "thought" I saw.

I think its also time to befriend the cook.

[KenboCalrissian]

*ahem* dermonster, Spoiler that, plz kthx.  Also, Zon's a "she."

[Dermonster]

-.-'

[rickvoid]

Now Sigun, aren't you glad our fort has a professional resident Undertaker? Now, just have to get your measurements, check your pockets, and then we can discuss our burial packages. What's that, you want to be buried ina clear glass coffin in the dining hall? Well, I think I can arrange that, but it'll cost extra. Now, about our lay-away plans... Get it? LAY-away? You're dead! I'm laying you to rest! Oh well, dead people are the harshest critics.

Thanks for the inclusion, Kenbo!

Derm... Socialist Dwarf. It's been done. To death. Sigh.

[Dermonster]

where? i don't think I've seen it before.

besides... um... there is no besides.

its kinda non-cannon anyway.

[KenboCalrissian]

dermonster is hereby absolved of all sins (including resorting to elf-tactics like herbalism for his assassination attempt), past, present, and future, for facepalming with an icon of my favorite Homestuck character

[Dermonster]

[Flaede]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Mental Journal of Dermonster
Entry two.

I have decided on a course of action. The workers are getting restless. The leader is not as smart as she thinks she is, deaths are abound.

Its time for a Workers Uprising.

I shall be subtle about this. I looked outside today, snatcher killed someone, but thats not important. What IS important is that i saw some Blood Root on top of a hill. It is a very rare and unknown herb, which i read about in a dusty old tomb some years ago. No one else has heard of such a herb. When milled, and boiled for 2 hours, it becomes a deadly neuro-toxin which can be applied anywhere. I think I shall go and "pick up" some kobold stuff I "thought" I saw.

I think its also time to befriend the cook.

What were you doing in a dusty old tomb?

[Doomshifter]

dermonster is hereby absolved of all sins (including resorting to elf-tactics like herbalism for his assassination attempt), past, present, and future, for facepalming with an icon of my favorite Homestuck character

I think that's literally the only thing I could like the guy for.

Rose is the bestest. Second only to Jade, of course. [/offtopic]

[Dermonster]

im fairly certain that tomb is sort of a synonym for book. lets not look too closely at the details though.

[The Architect]

im fairly certain that tomb is sort of a synonym for book.

Well you know what they say about assuming, right?

Someone asked me the other day, and I said "Yes, it makes an ass out of you."

"And me," she replied. So I said "Exactly!"

She never got it.

[Thief^]

im fairly certain that tomb is sort of a synonym for book. lets not look too closely at the details though.

"tome"

[The Architect]

Now it makes sense.