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[LegoLord]

Don't be mistaken, though, if you have a vertically-aligned u-bend and magma is pumped into the top of one end, it will rise to that same level on the other end.  Or maybe the level just below that.  Been awhile since I actually did it myself.

[Quietust]

Don't be mistaken, though, if you have a vertically-aligned u-bend and magma is pumped into the top of one end, it will rise to that same level on the other end.  Or maybe the level just below that.

It will indeed rise up to the same level as the pump's output tile - I used this very trick in a previous megaproject.

[Lord Dakoth]

Then I have no choice but to make a huge production out of what will most assuredly be a spectacular failure.

I must take this moment of opportunity to use this very fitting, very Dwarven quote:

"Certainty of death... small chance of success... what are we waiting for?"
~Gimli, son of Gloin

[KenboCalrissian]

6th Limestone, 209, Early Autumn
-------------

At last, the final wall is set in place!  The trap is finally ready.  Soon, everyone will see that this place is not just some 'cursed deathtrap.'  It's home to outstanding architecture designed to fry all those who dare enter, a marvel of dwarven architecture and practicality!  ~Actually, the winner goes to the builders at Hellfurnace, who created a super-efficient, super-reusable, and super-artistic trap!  -Asob

"Your little pet project is ready, I see."

I turn and find King Minkot, again dressed in his peasant garb.

"Expecting the caravan again, I see."

"Yes, of course.  They'll be asking how Duke Lolor Ekastathel is doing.  They're going to be somewhat suspicious of his disappearance."

"Surely you've planned for this, your peasantry?"

"What did you say?!"

"I said 'your majesty?'"

"... I could have sworn I heard different."

"Oh, but your disguise is so convincing!  But again, a plan?"

"Yes, well, it's already finished.  You finished it.  Your giant magma distraction device over there will draw much attention away from the fact that a second baron has turned up missing.  We can use it to leverage attention away from Lolor's demise."

"Of course, King.  But what of next year?  Magma traps are so commonplace, this one couldn't possibly distract the attention of the Swift Arches for more than a season."  ~Oh!  Do they know about Nelare the dragon?  She could distract them for a season, too!  -Asob

"I should like to see a demonstration, then.  Let us see how powerful this trap of yours is, then we can determine the magnitude of its distraction potential."

"Of course."  I then shout into the dining hall, "Hey!  Somebody go pull that lever!!"

"Ooh!  Ooh me!  Mememememe!!  I wanna do it!"

The voice of Tekkud Lenodmeng, the coattail-riding tax collector, rang out from deep within the stairways.  A half-dozen available dwarves looked at the lever, shrugged, and went about their business.  I had to wait impatiently for Tekkud to drag himself out of bed, walk up several flights of stairs, before finally getting here to pull the lever.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

"Why... what's this?  Your 'trap' is just sitting there!"

"Oh, no!!  What happened?!  How..."

"The only way in which this is a distraction is in its shoddy construction!  Fix it at once, or so help me..."

"Yeah, yeah.  The caravan isn't coming for another week, so why don't you change out of those filthy peasant's clothes?"

King Minkot glared at me sternly, and I calmly back at him.  "Zon, you dishonor me for the last time!  I demand you prostrate yourself before me and beg forgiveness!"

"Oh.  Gee.  Let me get right on that."  I deliberately drop my journal on the rough basalt floor, and say while bending to pick it up, "Oh.  Would you look at that.  While prostrating myself, I happened to find this book full of evidence about a secret mission to forcibly eliminate competition for your throne.  Hm!  Who would just randomly leave such a thing lying in the middle of a hall?  I wonder how many more books just like this are scattered throughout the fortress to be found?"

"What!  You... you..."

"Relax, Your Highness.  Your secret is safe with me... as long as you keep me safe.  Got it?"

The king stared blankly at me for a long time, utterly aghast.  He opened his mouth to speak, and as he did that I lowered my eyes to my book to quickly document this little exchange as it happened while my journal was on the floor.  By the time I looked up from my writing, I could see him walking away, visibly shaking.  ~Zon, be careful!  Don't keep tempting him, or he might have you 'removed' during the night!  I know, you think that if you're gone, nobody could say where the evidence is hidden, and its only a matter of time before it's found... but do you honestly believe that's enough to keep yourself safe from his hammer?  -Asob

[Dermonster]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Mental journal of Dermonster.

The bloodroot has been milled into a paste that the tome had assured me had a taste like some exotic spice. A taste to die for. har har har.
Zons megamagmatrappa is broken. serves her right, asshat. ignoring the need of the common people.
The cook, i forget his name already, is amicable, if a bit suspicious. He brings the meals to the so called 'royalty' nobody usually goes in their rooms so he has first hand experiance with the poverty here. He shall be a very good ally indeed.
I feel the need to attend to my craft for some reason.i know! as a show of good faith, i shall present my new friend with an exeptional iron cabinet, much like the one soon to be in my room. i think i shall put some decorations on it too... maybe some gems and... [mumbles]

[Argonnek]

Mental journal of Dermonster.
Zons megamagmatrappa is broken. serves him right, asshat. ignoring the need of the common people.

Zon is female, though it's an interesting journal nonetheless.

[Dermonster]

crap

[KenboCalrissian]

Mental journal of Dermonster.
Zons megamagmatrappa is broken. serves him right, asshat. ignoring the need of the common people.

Zon is female, though it's an interesting journal nonetheless.

It's OK, I'm pretty sure even dwarves get confused about who's male and who's female.  You've seen one beard, you've seen 'em all!

[KenboCalrissian]

7th Limestone, 209, Early Autumn
-------------

I need to hide my journal a bit better... Asob's clearly still getting at it, and is even leaving comments!  I have to wonder how closely she reads this, since I've written many, many times about how much this invasion of my privacy irks me!  ~But Zon, you're supposed to give this to King Minkot eventually, right?  These are the reports of your mission, so it doesn't seem very private to me! -Asob

I chew my *one-humped camel cheese biscuits [1]* thoughtfully.  My first thought is about who flubbed up and made an easy meal out of camel cheese, and I check the kitchens to make sure that I haven't accidentally ordered the high-value ingredients to be biscuitized.  Everything appears to be in order, and a quick check of the stocks shows that this seems to be the only stack of high-value biscuits, so it must have been a one time mistake.  Tastes a little funny, though... like there's some kind of exotic spice in it.  Pretty good, actually!

Now, about that tower... Quietust the philosopher has been proving to be quite the solver of practical problems.  My kind of dwarf, in fact.  I decide to seek out her advice, and find her admiring the clear glass coffin of Edzul ālilrimtar the guard.

"You know, not many can stand and stare at a decomposing dwarf through clear glass," I say to interrupt her meditation.  "Keeps the live dwarves out of here so they don't waste a bunch of time mourning."

"Hm?  Oh, yes, well.  Edzul here has decomposed into a lovely shade of dark brown.  I was also thanking him for his service; the guards of many forts often go unused, but the guards here have died with honor.  Surely, their bravery will be remembered for ages."

"Er, well, actually, he probably died of a training accident.  I think.  I kinda forget, it was probably a couple of years ago and I don't think I wrote it down.  But that's besides the point!  I was wondering if I could ask for your help with the magma tower."

"Ah, yes.  I saw you tried to turn it on, but nothing seemed to happen.  A shame...  Is the magma supposed to flow into the passages underneath and then bubble up through the holes visible in the picture? Because if it is, I'm fairly certain it won't, since pump pressure will never push a fluid above the pump itself."

"Geez... I thought for sure the magma would rise.  Guess I forgot it was so chunky!"

"You need to first pump the magma up two more levels before it will rise out of the holes you've constructed.  Fortunately, it seems simple enough for you to simply add two more pumps to the top of the stack.  You'll need to remove your mechanisms from the southern part of your orthoclase power base and replace it with a pump, but coincidentally your axle from the northern part would connect perfectly with the new pump that would be placed there!  Weighing all other alternative, this truly appears to be the fastest solution."

"I'll need to rework the mechanisms on the lever, then... it'll have to connect to the gear assembly under the north windmill."

"Even better, this solution is not only the fastest, but the most aesthetically sound."

"Pheh.  If it works, who cares what it looks like?"  ~I do!!  -Asob

I bid Quietust farewell and put her plans into motion.  The more I think about it, the better I feel - except for the mild indigestion I seem to have picked up from those *one-humped camel cheese biscuits.*  I set the orders into motion right away, but it seems to take all day for somebody to finally come and deconstruct the wall.  The Countess Consort Reg Handlerims is actually the first to reach the orthoclase tower (Hey, she's finally pulled herself out of bed!  Darn...), but as soon as she reaches the wall she decides to turn around and get a drink.  Hey, Asob, why can't you just teleport yourself over there?  ~Ha, ha, real funny!

[Dermonster]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I did'nt say to use it yet  but i can work with this.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Mental journal of Dermonster

My plans have been pushed slightly further along schedual. I made an artefact of a cabinet. My friend tells me that i was seen hauling metal to the forge. All i knew was that i woke up next to a frigging good cabinet and i had to hide it in my room. I could swear i could feel someone watching me, judging me. and i think they approve. The stones seem... alive... This will need investigation. When i learned that i made it and that it was artefact quality, I immediantly rebelled against the psychological conditioning of bringing it to the fort leader. All dwarven children are taken by the forts leader at a young age, to a secret room where they are bombarded with several images of what happens if they don't immediantly bring any top notch object that they created to their superiors attention. Those that don't do so are flogged publicly, forced to drink water, and are made to shave themselves bald. Everywhere. A dwarves manliness and pride is in the ammount of hair he has grown on his body. The hairier, the more people don't want to fuck with you in a tavern. being made hairless like an elf, and then publicly flogged... it's living hell.
anyway, i have begun the poisoning process. Bloodroot has the curious property of having to be administered frequently, with the effects having to build up over a long period of time. I watched Zon eat, The biscut of one humped camel cheese laced with the poison. She seemed worried about the fact that it was a biscut, (I told my friend that she ordered it with the paste) she got over it quickly.
The effects are various. It starts off as a small itch in your back and indigestion. the indigestion is just temporary. After a week, it seems like you have mosquito bites in most places.. After a month, you go slightly numb. After 5, you have trouble moving. After 8, you vomit frequently. After 14, you are completely bedridden.
They culminate after two years. Your nervous system snaps back into activity with 400% sensitivity. Then... the rest is almost too horrible to speak of. Your eyes melt out of your sockets, you recieve hallucinations of everyone you know and love flaying you alive, you spout the mad gibberish of demons, your limbs rot rapidly, and you lose all bodily function. You finally die, thinking that you are hated, unloved, and with every nerve ending in unimaginable pain. You will welcome death with relish.
And there is no cure.
I regret nothing.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I am slightly nervous as to what you make of that.

[KenboCalrissian]

You realize I'm not really killing off Zon for your story, right?

[Dermonster]

yes, i know.

actually im not really sure where im going with this.
making it up as i go along FTW.

if you want i can stop doing it.

[KenboCalrissian]

Not dead, not dead... Real Life has been quite a roller coaster lately, it hasn't left me with time for any video games, let alone Dwarf Fortress!  I'm pushing things out of my way for an update tomorrow.

The only reason I'm not giving a good explanation for the delays is I'd prefer not to derail the thread with rants about my personal life.  It isn't that I'm not comfortable explaining what's going on, but this isn't the right place for it.  It's nothing bad, it's just a number of financial issues as well as somewhat drastic changes to my routine.

[Lord Dakoth]

It's all good, we all understand. Just update when you're ready to update, and remember that this is a fun challenge to share, not a boring chore that needs to get done. Take your time, and I think I can speak for all the readers when I say that we will all be eagerly awaiting the next update, no matter when it is.

However, if this topic generates too much derail (as it inevitably will,) I would suggest locking it until you next update. Until then, cheers and good luck battling whatever ill fortune besets you.

[KenboCalrissian]

Fortunately, it's not all ill-fortune.  Just a lot of adjustment, most of it is for the better   Update in a few hours, I just booted up DF.