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[Grim Portent]

My turtle died.

My sympathies.


My giant snail died today after a period of lethargy and low appetite. Oral prolapse. Have removed him from his shell and cleaned it to keep as a memento, was expecting it would be a few more years before doing that.

[femmelf]

Thankfully, my car is parked safely at my place. Looks like I must have a hole in my tire or something.

Meh, I don't know exactly why but my one tire is going flat not as quick as possible but quick. I was driving on it just fine a couple hours ago.
Now I see my car's sensor says 15psi. It is rated for about 35. I just had everything checked at the dealership last week. They put air in them for me. 
I know enough to manually check tires with a hand air tire gauge It says 15.

There is no place open on Saturday nights and they are all closed on Sundays until Monday morning. The lone exception may be Wal mart's automotive. 
Even the towing places that state they are open 24 hours say, "The shop is closed until Monday Ma'am," when I call.

So I guess this means it will have a tire deflating in my driveway overnight? I'm assuming even a runflat tire (if it's that) wouldn't hold all night stationary. 
Wal Mart is open in their tire and auto shop tomorrow, but I'd have to probably have it towed there at that point. 


You know, I'm working on being more grateful for things. This sucks.
I will say at least I'm home and not on the side of the road. At least, I didn't blow out the tire while driving. At least I'm safe.
There's a part of me that just says I should've stayed with my ex, because as abusive as he was, he would fix crap like this.
Then I realize what I just typed and why I am in therapy and that there are things wrong with me if I think that way.

[Frumple]

It... occurs, but it might be cheaper to get same/1 day delivery of a tire and install it yourself? Swapping a tire out's a bit of work but it's genuinely not that difficult in most cases.

Some walmarts (or relevant other businesses) will do that, and, well... towing can be bloody expensive, far as I'm aware generally way, way more than rush delivery, even if you need a tire jack or whatever along with the tire.

[femmelf]

That's a good suggestion and I really do appreciate it. I'm all for any good idea I can get in any situation, because I'm not too proud for most any advice that's good-natured.
But, like I don't know what I'm doing and I'm disabled, and I don't have an air compressor to inflate it.

I mean, not gonna lie, nobody likes shelling out a couple hundred for a replacement tire and then more to install it, but I also don't mind paying people for their work.

I'm just hoping it will be ok for a day or so until I can get it to a place to fix it, hopefully in the morning. Wal Mart is basically my option tomorrow morning because the dealership is closed Sunday.
It makes me wonder if I can dive on 1 flat tire with three good ones for about a mile but then my common sense kicks in and tells me this is how I would probably freaking die or something.

I'm grateful my stupid butt isn't on the side of the road right now with that tire situation at least.

[Frumple]

Ah... yeah, if there's trouble doing stuff like working a manual jack (which... isn't that bad? I'm pretty flimsy and can manage it, ferex, normal tire's about 20-25 lbs and moving one the worst of the process from what I can recall), tow's probably your best short-term (longer term I think a fair few tire shops'll do home visits if you're close enough to one) option, especially if it's a genuinely short distance.

Swapping a tire out really isn't complicated, though. I'm pretty mechanically illiterate, but tire and battery swaps are one of the very few things I'm actually somewhat comfortable with, heh. Car up a bit with a jack, unscrew some nuts, pull off old tire, put on new tire, screw nuts back, car back down, that's about it.

Your post mostly just reminded me of the one time I've had to have mine towed (driving pre-sunrise, some numpty left a friggin' drive shaft in the middle of the interstate, popped tires on like three people, me included, before the road cops got there and got it out the road) and it was like a 200 something USD bill (though for a longer trip than what you're talking about), hah. Was over a decade ago, can't imagine it's any less expensive these days. Old minor trauma, heh. Sticker shock from the '00s I still haven't forgot.

[femmelf]

Yeah, and again you have good points. I'm very grateful for them.

I get that the physical actions involved aren't exactly super human in some instances, but there's skill involved, and it matters especially if you haven't been taught it.
There are some times I hate being a girl and this is sorta one of them. Like, at least for me, nobody taught my dumb butt how to change a tire. It is what it is.
Don't get me wrong, Nobody would be happy paying a nice unexpected expense right before Christmas, but I'm not gonna short change people.
As for actually getting the car to Wal Mart about a mile down the road, I think it might not be safe to try to drive that. If I have to have it towed, then ok.
The tow truck driver will probably charge some flat fee and then mileage, which at between 1 or 2 miles at least isn't a huge distance?

What do you mean "home visit" tire shops? I fully admit I'm stupid about this but I've never heard of that. So you can pay someone to come to your house if their shop is nearby and they'll change a tire for you? This is a thing? Am I going to learn something new today?


I'm actually a little concerned what caused this mess. Like, I had it serviced at the dealership last weekend on Saturday with an oil change. They said my tires were fine and they put some air in them for me, because the cold weather messes with tire pressure. I specifically asked them if I needed new tires and they said no. My car sensors showed 35 or 36 in all tires after that. Today, I was just driving maybe 4 miles total round trip and things were fine. Then I went to drive somewhere else and my low tire indicator went off as I was driving around the block and it said 15 pressure in my one tire, which I completely did not expect. I didn't notice anything wrong at all.

If that sensor didn't go off, I wouldn't have known anything was wrong at all. I immediately went home.

So I thought it might be the sensor that screwed up and I knew enough to get a manual air pressure tire gauge and it was correct. I slowly moved the car forward so I could try to see if there was a visual puncture in the tire. Nothing that I saw, but that doesn't mean much. Also if air is leaking out, it'll have all night and I wonder what the pressure gauge will show in the morning if it doesn't just go totally flat.

I'm trying to look at this as a problem solving exercise and to be grateful it wasn't worse. Although I guess saturday night is a terrible time to have any car issue with most shops closed until Monday morning.



Edit: Well, that only cost about $300 for the tow and rotating two tires. That mechanic didn't treat me like I was completely stupid and he showed me exactly what was wrong with a nail in a tire making it not repairable. Plus the tread was crap anyhow and he showed me a measuring device saying it was 3/32. Especially in the winter, screw that.

He took $5 off (tire disposal fee) and had me keep the one remaining old tire (that wasn't rotated) in a shed, because that way if something like that happens again, the tow truck driver can just temporarily install that old tire so I can drive down the street rather than pay for a tow. It's another tire (for temporary use like that only) in addition to the actual spare which is the same as the other four tires so they don't have to use that one at all and it stays completely new. 

He said if it happens again, and I have them throw on the old tire so I drive up the road on that instead of towing, it would have saved me $80 compared to now. Sure the tow truck guy would have charged something but $80 less of something.

[Great Order]

Nice cold I've got. Painful chest and thick, almost chunky phlegm. Sneezing and snot are at a minimum, so that's a saving grace.

EDIT: And now a headache. Dehydration? Maybe. Coughing too much? Perhaps.

[None]

i should probably go get some therapy to work through some of the damage my ex did to me

Spoiler: SA stuff (click to show/hide)

dunno if i actually told anyone about how she damn near raped me when i first moved in with her, or the damage she did late in our relationship when she said she wanted to do intimate activities to/for me, then immediately afterwards told me that she felt like a cheap whore and had to turn her emotions off for the activity, and told me that i kissed her too much during. she couldn't get frisky near the end there for medical reasons, which, fine, but she had no interest in my pleasure if she wasn't getting any, and the above seemed like punishment for asking a day or two prior

Spoiler: whatever else (click to show/hide)

i think it's also warped my sense of what a relationship entails, since i seem to think it entails being responsible for someone else's emotional wellbeing and that's not currently something i can do since my own emotional wellbeing is, well, shoddy.

i just- i dunno. i ruminate in the shower sometimes, or after mentioning my ex to a friend. i've had hangups and fears about intimacy before her, and i reckon i have a couple more now. and i'm not really sure what to *do* with this damage, right?

 and i'm so, so tired of being emotionally resolute- for myself, for other people, in the wake of my fractured hip, in the looming of the next year. i'd like to lay my head on someone's chest and just forget everything for a bit, to borrow someone else's strength, to have my head cradled and hair stroked, but there's only me, and the ruminations, and nobody else is responsible for me but me.

[nenjin]

You're not responsible for someone else's crazy. Their therapist is. You can be supportive but you can't solve someone else's dysfunctions. You can just not contribute to them. Someone trying to be sexual and then doing a 180 and saying they feel cheap because of it is something they need to resolve, it's not something you caused. Their guilt and needs are driving them to that place, and they're displacing the blame for their own desires back on to the target of their needs.

And yeah. People that want you to be responsible for their emotional wellbeing are manipulating you. No one can be responsible for their own emotional well-being other than the individual. Now if you're doing things to undercut or damage their emotional well-being, there's culpability there. But again they have the responsibility for getting out of situations like that too.

I'd just say that, if you're looking into new relationships, just admit you don't have enough experience to know good from bad, right from wrong and take each situation on its own merits.

Or as I've heard it said: you'll know you're in a healthy relationship when it doesn't stress you out and doesn't look like any other relationship you've been in.

[McTraveller]

How do you help a woman who has a toddler, is married to a guy who has been in and out of jail, and they are almost $5000 behind in their rent - meaning they just haven't paid it at all for several months, despite supposedly both "adults" having jobs*?

We have already given them food, clothes, and even several thousand dollars in the past to help with their rent and other expenses. Now they are getting threatened with eviction, and are asking for handouts for the cash... I have no idea where their parents or other family are, but I suspect they have gone hands-off (I think most of the woes are drug related, and they are also paying more in rent than I'm paying for my mortgage, so they aren't even in the most appropriate housing...).

How do you help people that really can't (won't) help themselves, without just enabling? It's tough because some people really do just need a little boost, but in this case, it seems to be a destructive pattern... 

Spoiler: * (click to show/hide)

I don't have the details, but even working part time at $12/hour, which is basically the floor for wages in our area based on all the "now hiring" signs, even working a mere 20 hours/week each should get them just shy of $2000/month. At that level you won't be paying any income taxes at all, so that should be enough for basic expenses in our area...

[hector13]

I think you may need to point them toward organizations in your area that help with that sort of thing.

It’s all well and good if they need a hand up, but if this has been a habit of theirs to turn to you for help, particularly to the tune of several thousand dollars, there might be something deeper going on they need help with.

[None]

You're not responsible for someone else's crazy. Their therapist is. You can be supportive but you can't solve someone else's dysfunctions. You can just not contribute to them. Someone trying to be sexual and then doing a 180 and saying they feel cheap because of it is something they need to resolve, it's not something you caused. Their guilt and needs are driving them to that place, and they're displacing the blame for their own desires back on to the target of their needs.

And yeah. People that want you to be responsible for their emotional wellbeing are manipulating you. No one can be responsible for their own emotional well-being other than the individual. Now if you're doing things to undercut or damage their emotional well-being, there's culpability there. But again they have the responsibility for getting out of situations like that too.

I'd just say that, if you're looking into new relationships, just admit you don't have enough experience to know good from bad, right from wrong and take each situation on its own merits.

Or as I've heard it said: you'll know you're in a healthy relationship when it doesn't stress you out and doesn't look like any other relationship you've been in.

Objectively, no, I'm not responsible, but having fallen into that position a couple times, for better or worse, well, sometimes you can know a thing in thought and abstraction, and know something different in action, and you can know factually that a thing is incorrect, but reality is both contrary and more pressing about it.

Her actions were her own and I don't take responsibility for them, but I still have to address the scarring.