Sometimes lol sure. The whole punchline is that it's really freaking weird to assign any kind of blame in this, but since there is a repeating pattern I'm going down the path of the "only" "reasonable" conclusion.
Why do you believe that blaming yourself is the "only" "reasonable" conclusion? Nothing in any of your stories suggests that anyone blamed you in the slightest, so is there some detail I don't know about that makes you feel that?
I am painfully aware how fallible everyone is, in fact it is the only message which allways been abundantly clear, the only truth that seems solid in a sea of predictable and preventable dissapointment.
But it seems to still surprise you every time, or at the very least, you seem to think it's just you, personally, as if you are being specifically targeted for incompetence. Which is certainly not true at all. I don't even recall ever seeing you complain about... the medical system in your country, or the quality of doctors in general, for example, as several other people have - it's always been from a you-focused position; and you have the same position when discussing many other things in your life as well. That's why I hope you can address the root problem.
Sure let me just go look for therapy, what a totally reasonable expectation for me to have. Let me just deal with all that cost effort dissapointment and reignition of trauma and rotate through a dozen of them before I find a match... At that point lottery tickets are a saner investment in my future. Just fix my fucking ear that will be all thank you.
Well, I don't know what the psychological care system is like in your country. I'm sorry if you feel that it isn't an option. I suggest it only with considerable reluctance.
Let's not involve any of the participants of that procedure into a complex narration of chronological events. Example: ear specialist that decides halfway to stop addressing me and only directs themsselves toward the second pairs of ears I brought... In the moment I felt deadly insulted about not being taken serious again... Now I know better and can presume it was at least a stronger explanation than my smell/aura whatever... See I merely must have reminded her her late husband since the guy's godchild had a huge role in teaching me french. You know very normal concerns to have when you're merely requesting medical attention.
Did this woman
say that it had to do with her late husband? Was the person you brought along a parent, or is the specialist used to dealing with children with parents, so that it might feel more natural for her to talk to the third party in the room than directly to the person she's examining? It seems harsh to say "I think you're reading too much into this", but the truth is that I think you're reading too much into this. Especially given that you were there for an ear complaint specifically, so that she might have been unsure about your ability to hear (or may have even said something you didn't hear, which you wouldn't know and wouldn't be able to tell, but that's probably unlikely if your hearing was fine)... in particular, generally, bringing a third party to a doctor appointment usually means you WANT the other person to be responsible for keeping track of the information, since there's no particular market for doctoring as a spectator sport, so it may have been natural for her to assume that. And lastly, doctors in general often have a certain difficulty remembering not to treat patients as passive objects (since that's how they're trained - interacting with another doctor while a patient is just there, maybe sedated, and may in fact BE a model) - the word "patient" even means "passive object" and is related to the same Latin root as "passive". I say all this to explain that, essentially, there's no need to take it personally.
I didn't understand what you meant with the last thing.