I am very bad at people stuff.
You see, I am an university student. I am currently halfway across Anatolia from my family. But since I am not going to be working until this spring, I am very much financially dependant on my family. Which isn't a bad thing, I know. We aren't even bad off. We can even be considered relatively well off, all things considered.
The thing is, I am 2 decades old. Which is twenty years. I am twenty years old. Which is bad. The point is that I feel like a parasite. I've been trying to spend as little as possible to ask for less money. Because whenever I ask for some more, I die a bit inside. So I've been lying to my parents about how much money I spend to avoid that. My parents aren't even bad people. I just feel wrong, like I am some needy manchild. Something I will give an arm and a leg to avoid being.
But about four days ago, I kinda got myself peniless. Antalya, where I am studying, is an expensive tourist city. That further excarbated by the current Turkish economy with the hyperinflated food prices and the all-encompassing after-effects of the interest crisis. That means money flies here. I begrudgingly realised that I could not go on like this, but I was too ashamed to tell my father, who I call for money. So I unwillingly told mother. She kinda disapproved my behavior, told me that I was still their son and should've been honest with how much money I needed, and that my father had trusted me to accurately tell such a truth. Then she told my father, and my father called me.
My father sounded... dissappointed. I can't put my finger on what kind of dissappointment it is? Betrayal? Surprise? Pity? Self-dissappointment? Some combination of these? I am frankly unable tell. Neurologically unable. What matters was that it was negative, and it made me feel negative as well.
What do I do?