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[hector13]

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[Great Order]

Corner of my eye is irritated, especially when it's shut for some reason. Seems to be the skin rather than the eye itself.

And my anxiety's in overdrive to the point that my mum got a little bit pissy with me and it almost sent me to tears. Shocker, being this anxious plays hell with my sleep when it's already fucked.

Things ain't going super in the greatorder body.

[JoshuaFH]

So I have a trip scheduled for tomorrow... and I go over to my Mom's to see how she's doing before I head off tomorrow, and she just brings it to my attention NOW that our family dog has been sick for the last month, not eating and only drinking, bleeding from her rectum, getting very weak, and crying every night; and that she wants to put her down TOMORROW! And she wants me to help her out to do that first thing tomorrow morning.

I try to corroborate these details with my Sister, but I have to force my way through her cold disinterest in fucking everything first... Of course she hasn't taken any interest in her own dog dying.

We're broke, I'm not working right now, we can't afford the luxury of what would undoubtedly be an expensive trip to the vet, so she's jumping straight to euthanasia. The dog is still drinking liquids, so I'm not sure if she's just been very ill (for a month?) and she can get over it with a bit more time.

She told me that it maybe started with them going on a walk and them allowing the Dog to drink river water, which caused her to throw up and be ill ever since.

I just want to hold out hope and say she'll be fine, this is the first major trip I've ever planned for myself, and OF FUCKING COURSE my Mom manages to alchemy up something fucking heartbreaking and dramatic at the very last fucking second. She always does. I hate my worthless family.

I don't know what to do.

[dragdeler]

Gee  . I'd like to tell myself that you were going by car anyway and it hasn't occured to you yet that you might be able to do a detour to canada? Then you could go "fucksake mah gimme the damn dog, I told you I'm leaving, call you when I arrive/see you in a week". If it's something it drank it's probably fixable by medicine, might be able to acquire those goods without ruining yourself... You'll have the sick dog with you on your roadtrip not ideal, idk if it's feasible it might still be worth it to you... Man even if they advise you to euthanise it there at least the scene ends at that, and you're not sent on your way with some additional mindfuck.

[JoshuaFH]

What would a detour to Canada do? I don't think the free healthcare extends to animals?

[dragdeler]

Not free no but the out of pocket expenses for some worm medecine might be tolerable.

[dragdeler]

I really dont want to incrust myself into your head over this god I hope I don't make this worse:

plus: life can be incredibly resilient, some people surive more than 1 accident in their life that could have been fatal

minus: if its some purebred dog it might not have that kind of tough genetics

plus?! if the dog has been neglected for a freakin month without anybody telling you, you are NOT to blame!

minus? would the mere attribution of responsibility soothe you? this is an honest question its very case by case

plus: if it is in the realm of feasability maybe some animal lover overhears us and is able to advise or guide you through how things are done in canada

minus: if it's very sick it might ruin your car

plus: there might be ways to prevent that

minus: if you have to... leave it there... I hope there will be no complications in retrieving the urn or something annoying like that

plus: if it gets better and you need to entice it to eat, you might be able to share some human grade meat and utterly spoil your dog back to health, that's a roadtrip I would remember all my life

Sorry for idk, sorry.

[JoshuaFH]

I mean, I've never been to Canada (though I live in Michigan, so it wouldn't be a huge trip, distance-wise.) but I don't have a passport, which a google search tells me it would take 9 weeks or more to get one.

[dragdeler]

Oof I'm sorry for bringing it up. Of course there would be all sorts of catches 

[nenjin]

Sadly reminds me of my mom's dog. Through a total lack of exercise and constantly feeding him human food, he was full blown diabetic by like 7. Get a call one day that she needs my help getting him to the vet. He's laying on the floor, panting and sweating and can't get up. I have to dead lift a 70 pound dog multiple times myself to get him into the car and into the vet. Vet says he's in late stages of diabetic shock and we have to put him down.

This is after I made it a point to exercise him multiple times a week when my mom was in the hospital and I had to take care of her everything for her for months.

That shit sucks man, I'm sorry. But you should accept that putting them down is the only financially reasonable, and more importantly, humane solution. If a test for parasites isn't too expensive I would still go for that to see if they just have a bad parasitic infection though.

[Laterigrade]

Seems like I need to go back on antidepressants for my anxiety again.

Sleeping is bloody hard, I lie down and shut my eyes and my heart starts thudding and I'm breathing heavily, which itself gives me anxiety. The expectation that this'll happen also gives me anxiety, so it's all feeding back into itself. I need to spend half an hour to a full hour reading, watching something, whatever to get my brain calm enough to actually sleep.

At least I know for a fact this is all anxiety unlike last time where I was sure my heart was doing something bad, not helped by probably psychosomatic heart pain.

Might just have to live with this for the rest of my life. Borderline cyclical anxiety, get anxiolytics, taper after a few months, spend half a year-ish without any, then get back onto them.

Something to start with might be taking melatonin. I’m on antidepressants but there’s still a fair bit of anxiety they don’t stop, and it often comes around at nighttime and makes it hard to sleep. Melatonin has really helped me get to sleep on those nights, and I think in most places you don’t need a prescription or anything.

[Laterigrade]

Also a bit of an update on my own life I guess:
I’m having a lot of trouble getting over my ex. It’s been close to a month already, but I still feel almost sick with anxiety whenever I see or talk to him. It doesn’t help that we see each other almost every day (which is out of our control) but it really sucks.
I’m not sure how much of it’s leftover jitters from our relationship, which (for me) was very anxiety-ridden for most of it, and how much is attachment I haven’t let go yet, and how much is kinda getting over some shitty things he said to me that I never really brought up with him afterwards. I didn’t feel like I could talk about them at the time because they were said in the middle of arguments where I was (at least mostly) in the wrong and I don’t want to now because I don’t feel like I could do it without bringing a ‘fuck you, you hurt me’ attitude and I don’t want to re-open old wounds.

but it all feels bad and makes me anxious and I would really like to have that kinda, ‘normal’ feeling that I occasionally get when I don’t think about him for long enough

[nenjin]

but it all feels bad and makes me anxious and I would really like to have that kinda, ‘normal’ feeling that I occasionally get when I don’t think about him for long enough

Normal comes back after a while. Psychologically and emotionally break ups are like losing a loved one. The person literally absents your life (even if you still see them) as though they've died. While the two experiences are not 1:1, they hit the same pathways and we cope using similar methods. It just takes time. And if you're to the point where you have moments you don't think about them, you're already headed that way.

[martinuzz]

Melatonin is not advisable. Take that shit one-time use if you have a jetlag after a journey over half the planet, don't take that shit to combat domestic sleep issues, it will only mess up your sleep pattern more if you use it to combat sleeplessness. All doctors over here advise against it, and even had trouble combating the internet hype of people who say it works.

If you have trouble falling asleep, you could try taking one or two drops of CBD (cannabidiol) oil before bedtime though. It's pretty harmless. If it doesn't work for you, too bad, if it does, good!

[JoshuaFH]

Sadly reminds me of my mom's dog. Through a total lack of exercise and constantly feeding him human food, he was full blown diabetic by like 7. Get a call one day that she needs my help getting him to the vet. He's laying on the floor, panting and sweating and can't get up. I have to dead lift a 70 pound dog multiple times myself to get him into the car and into the vet. Vet says he's in late stages of diabetic shock and we have to put him down.

This is after I made it a point to exercise him multiple times a week when my mom was in the hospital and I had to take care of her everything for her for months.

That shit sucks man, I'm sorry. But you should accept that putting them down is the only financially reasonable, and more importantly, humane solution. If a test for parasites isn't too expensive I would still go for that to see if they just have a bad parasitic infection though.

I took my Dog to get her put to sleep... that's probably the hardest I've cried in years. The people at the pound surmised that she had an infected uterus (I was wrong about it being anal bleeding...), and an emergency spay could fix it, but that would be a ruinous 1000+ dollar operation that's not even guaranteed to work... I really feel like I failed her, but I don't know what I could have done. I feel it's my Mom's fault for not getting her spayed (I thought she was...) but it's too late to assign blame.

Ultimate it's for the best, my Mom was too old and frail to be taking care of a big dog (her paw claws were seriously overgrown, a sure sign that she wasn't getting any exercise) and my Sister could not care about anything whatsoever. I can't take in any animal in my apartment... It seems this was just her fate. I just hope she knew I loved her.

Thanks Nenjin and Dragdeler, I appreciate the advice and support that can be found here.