Life hygiene isn't trivial it'll take an outrageous amount of time out of your day, oftentimes to the point that in practical terms it becomes some either or blackmail shit. Then you listen to some billionaire or hustle guru describe their day, and turns they can afford the luxury to be like 3/4 of their daily routine entirely dedicated to self care.
Also the beach thing sound rough, I'll take industrial noises or the military training grounds shooting over strangers talking next to my window. Forget about fomo it's just plain anxiogenic.
I hurt my foot my second day off, twisted it real bad, I never hurt myself twisting something because I'm super flexible, but I got way too used to wearing the heavy steel capped shoes that prevent you from twisting your foot... waited a few days before resigning myself to go to the hospital, they were kinda like why are you here if it doesn't hurt more, but I got the x-ray my family insisted I needed to have, no fracture and they told me the red streak along the sole was blood that had deposited itself because I tore the capsule of the articulation? I got a week sick time off. Then I had 4 more days of PTO lined up, not exactly a whole week... That I'm kind of annoyed to take, I'd rather be sick at work and healthy when I'm off tbh (fuck everything) but I also need, I went two days and it was stupid, the kind of stubborn stupidness only I can be. Impossible to put weight on it, way more impossible to put weight on it in the uneven ground scenarios that careless entitled visitors leave us with. I should be fighting for my workers rights and insist it be counted as sick time but wth... too many chronically sick colleagues abusing the system it's pride thing at this point ("at least I'm no Jürgen").
I think it was a good thing that I hurt my foot, it forced me to dedicate my PTO to actual rest. Because when I'm off I'm going actually mad because those few precious days where my thougts aren't polluted, and I'm not just coping need to be taken advantage of to the max. To tell you I have been making it an habit to never tell anybody I know IRL when I'm off, because I really feel like I have no time to loose on social obligations... Used to have this hack: just jumpstart the week by cleaning, feel good about yourself and go from there; doesn't quite cut it anymore when there is like 1-3 hecking cubic meters of selected *not* ewaste. Man there is like a famous hardware flaw on the ps2 slim, where the dvd player will stop working because some sort of plastic bit doesn't push well on some other piece when shutting the lid I got like 9 of those to do... I litterally have 3 jailbreakable ps4 in perfect working state. Hecking cubic meters, I keep getting pickier, throwing shit away over less (trying to apply cost of opportunity logic), making more space anytime I'm off but the pile keeps rising. All of this isn't particularely conducive to my mental well being, and it's been a while I couldn't shake the general attitude of "I really don't give a fuck anymore, I don't need any of y'all I could keep myself busy for months with a mere solderiron, so much room for me to grow and learn there, such barren repetition interaction with other humans offer me instead".
That's the usual shit, but this year comes with it's special challenges. Still haven't forgiven our analogue of the DMV that they can't fucking stop showing disdain to their customers for a second to give one the test in the language one asked for. So reacquiring my driving license is basically out of the picture because just thinking about that institution takes me down a hatespiral that might ruin more than one day - with all the anecdotal evidence I see every fucking day of people that would instantly fail their practical driving exam?! Give. Me. A. Fucking. Break. Still I'm glad I don't have drive myself anymore, I allways hated it, it allways felt super high stakes, I never took my car anywhere but work anyway because I was too scared... So I set out to something really hard instead. Of course I'm still nowhere near to riding a recumbent quadricycle to work. In spring the project took a big hit first it was me trying to be budget conscious about getting rims onto a wheelhub. At this point I'd be happy if somebody could just fucking tell me: "yeah, I'll do it no problem, but it will cost you". No no, the current state of the game is: organize means to get to some rando bikeshop in person to show them the artifact of
UnToLd MeChAnIcAl CoMpLeXiTy be told if the only mofo in the shop who can actually do this kind of work "is currently out - me personally idk" or "they'll have to see but they're allready booked out for weeks".
At this point I kinda don't care anymore
. The foot thing took the spite out of me. I mean I would still send the foot flying at 20000kmh so that it and it's target shatters into a fine mist, if I could, just to prove a point, but what is the point actually? I'm doomed, you're doomed, everybody gets a doomed. I knew why I never booked too much PTO back to back, there is only so much mental sanity I can restore without being utterly distraught to see it ripped from me the first day I show up because the conspiracy of randomness and entitled cockroaches needs to suck any semblance out of rest of your bone marrow, like I went two days, what sort of surprises could they reserve for me in that short amount of time? Today I dealt with a guy being pissy because the company who mows around our parcs hit the jackpot, edge cutter projected a small stone I kid you not across the whole fucking breadth of the asphalt, car was nowhere near where the dude was cutting his grass but it shattered an entire window like it was nothing. Our company wasn't liable (of course no good answer from above as usual) the gardeners were two young dudes who were compliant and polite, but didn't know how to deal with it had to call around half their office blablablablabla useless shit, and of course language barrier thrown into the mix for good measure. Can't just have a normal day especially not anywhere near PTO, if it's not the visitors' absentmindedness or bad faith, the laws of physics will litterally start to conspire to conjure up some plain unbelievable shit.
Anyway I was saying I kinda don't care anymore: I gave up on regaining some sense of autonomy this year. One would have thought that the metals brackets I'm having custom made to join my frame to the rear axle cage would have been the toughest to acquire but no... In 50 years we went from normal ass family fathers having thread cutters at home and spokes all being sold at the same length to 90% of the people who work in bicycle shops couldn't do it. I sunk thousands of euros, there is several cardboard boxes with parts stacked on top of the electronics. I'm so exhausted. Just buying my groceries requires an act of state and work is allways there to sour the mood. It's not rocket science, definitly not, when I used to think about it more I could visualise the quadricycle down to the last details, in 3d in my head, the RAM requirements of the object were to heavy and the image could not be upheld indefinitly. Now it feels like half the shit eludes me allready. I kinda don't want to deal with it anymore.
It needs to be done. They don't get to toy with my mobility like that and I want those steel capped leather clubs for legs so that if need be I can make anybody understand that these boots are made for walking, get the fuck out of my way. I should wear my working shoes anywhere, then I would not have twisted my foot, it's precisely because I never leave the house for anywhere but work, that my feet were not prepared for those light running shoes. I needed that break, but it's not about what I need, it's about what I want. guuuh !O&))$=#"/)"!%#
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9791889 times)