Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[Dunamisdeos]

Aw, poor doggo.

[ArchimedesWojak]

I love dogs

Sorry for your loss Baal

[EuchreJack]

I just realized that the problems and stresses that I face today are far less than the ones that I will most likely be assuming in the future.  The bad things that I know now, and horrible decisions that I have to make will only increase.

I'm feeling alright now, but I'll probably feel sad about it later.

[JoshuaFH]

I've been having some anxiety for the last few days, just an intangible sense of anxiety and guilt. I have a recurring intrusive thought of just wanting someone to just beat the shit out of me, just batter me bloody and senseless, so that I can bleed out the sense of guilt inside of me.

Today I was carting around my Mom and Sister, missed a turn, and went towards a parking lot to turn around. There was an oncoming car, but I thought "Fuck it" and just dove into the parking lot. It wasn't a close call, but it was certainly much riskier than that situation needed to be. It was perhaps the very last second where I could have turned safely, and I did it much more quickly and impulsively than was necessary. Now my sense of guilt has something tangible to latch onto, cause it's true that that was bad on my part, we could've been hurt, victimized by one of my shitty stupid mistakes that I seem compelled to make nearly every day now.

(EDIT: Driving really is the source of so much of my anxiety. I'm constantly trying to stay relaxed, but the very moment that something even remotely scary happens, my mind latches onto it and refuses to let go. Somebody flashed their brights behind me? What for? Time for my heart to start pumping hard. My sister open up the window unexpectedly and a gust of cold wind makes me jump very slightly? Time to beat myself up for not keeping my cool. Just anything going wrong at all, even if nothing went wrong, or the experience was purely subjective in nature, gets ballooned out of proportion by the fact that it occurred in a potentially lethal situation, and my mind lets me know and tortures me for it.)

Anyway, that's my sad post. I've been doing pretty good lately, factually speaking, in a purely objective sense I'm doing fine. I just wanted to write about this feeling, to hopefully exorcise it before I subconsciously self-sabotage myself again.

[None]

You're still doing good! Driving is one of the more sensible things to be anxious about, we all have something that eats at us. You didn't cause harm, though, not even to your car. You also thought on your feet and make a safe calculation, and that may be helpful when other risks come your way. I wouldn't suggest doing this often if it rattles you, but you know you can act when it counts, yeh?

All said, I'd sooner trust you behind the wheel than any random stranger I'd pick out in a car, since they all seem to be preoccupied with their phones.

I'm sorry you feel like you need to be hurt to justify the anxiety or guilt you're feeling and hope you find some action or tool you can use to get it in check.

[EuchreJack]

I've been having some anxiety for the last few days, just an intangible sense of anxiety and guilt. I have a recurring intrusive thought of just wanting someone to just beat the shit out of me, just batter me bloody and senseless, so that I can bleed out the sense of guilt inside of me.

Today I was carting around my Mom and Sister, missed a turn, and went towards a parking lot to turn around. There was an oncoming car, but I thought "Fuck it" and just dove into the parking lot.

Yeah, when you're driving, that is the wrong mind set to have.  Driving is perhaps the most dangerous thing that most people do every damn day.

I understand where you're coming from, I've been there, but driving is the time you have to say "Gotta stay alive.  Gotta keep everyone else alive.  This is all real.  I can doubt the meaning of life, existence, and everything when I'm not driving."

Does it help that a random internet guy is "beating you up over this?"  Not gonna judge on that one, just thought I'd point it out.

It is also perfectly normal to reflect upon prior your driving and say "ugh, cut it too close that time".  The key is that you're reflecting on a prior experience so that you can do better.  Again, driving is the most dangerous thing that you are constantly doing, so try to do it better is a good thing.

Since, like most people, you have to drive regularly, I'll also add that it is something that people generally get better at with time.  Less close calls, more comfort, etc.  But it is absolutely something to take seriously.

Also, I'm glad we're on a new page.  Reading over my prior post makes me sad, although its a truth with which I need to come to grips.  Sign of success that might come with more money and opportunities to help people, society, and everything.  Plus, gotta be the person I was born to be.

[Kagus]

  I'm so sorry...

[None]

Precious thing, gone too soon, given time and care where it may not have seen as much. I'm sorry for you and I'm sorry for kitten. You gave it as much comfort as you could, gave it a warm and caring place to pass through.

That's how it is with pets, aye. I hope you're not too shaken yourself.

[Uthimienure]

The stray black kitty...

I'm sorry for your loss. Having been there several times I know the heartbreak and empathize.

[Telgin]

I sympathize a lot too.  My family has seen a lot of cats over the decades, and many of them passed in a similar way.  It's shocking how emotional and attached we can get to pets, and I've cried over cats more than my own relatives.

[EuchreJack]

Sorry that Nice Kitty never made it.  At least you tried, and made its life as happy and comfortable as possible in its last days.  If it helps, I generally believe that pets go to heaven too.

[MrRoboto75]

Today my lunch order disappeared into the aether, something that's already happened once this month.  Also lost a prescription like this, and had to bounce across town between the pharmacy and the doctor's office because every business uses a convoluted automated phone menu that barely works.

Honestly feels like I exist solely so other people can ignore me and forget about me.  Be unseen even when I'm right in front of them, be unheard even though I said the exact same thing three times already.  And then they get mad I'm being too loud, because apparently everyone's favorite hobby is avoiding being content as much as possible.

[dragdeler]

-

[MrRoboto75]

Yeah then I'll go back to work where I'm literally the same level of servant as them.

Either way its not about the minimum wage taco joint where their automated order system doesn't work, its anywhere I go.  I play life in spectator mode.

[dragdeler]

-