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[methylatedspirit]

Last night, I realized that I'm uncomfortable with my medications. I mean, these things slow my brain down to a crawl, and that's really bad.

At "normal" brain speeds, I can make and enforce some set of guarantees (near-certainties, more like) about my own behavior so that I remain safe and sane. There's a whole bunch of checks and balances going on in the background to ensure this. They require loads of brainpower to run properly. (Yes, my phrasing is inspired by Rust)

When I take these meds, though, the brain slows down, and I simply cannot make any of those promises to myself. I'm essentially drunk at that point. All bets are off. Even going to the toilet can lead to some odd and unsafe behavior because I can't enforce those guarantees.

And the fact that my shrink is saying that I should take my meds an hour before sleeping disturbs me. I can't ensure my own safety when I'm under the influence of these things. I don't know what the hell I'm doing in that state.

[EuchreJack]

Dude, gimme some of them meds! 

But seriously, you should probably report the side effects and see if there is another medication (there usually is) that will work better.

[Vector]

I have/had a friend who recently revealed that he had tried to abuse his power. It's sparking some really difficult conversations because he seems to genuinely not understand that what he tried to do wasn't OK. Everyone I've shared the details with has been like "LOL NOPE, this is not a two-strikes situation, this is a one-strike situation." But when I called him out on it, he just told me he was extremely angry with me for judging him. Then a few weeks later he told me that he was sorry and that it had taken weeks of hard thinking to come to the conclusion that maybe he was wrong. I kind of think that he just wants me to give him emotional support, not have a real conversation, since there was a lot of that already.

I'm a little bit sad, like, not sure whether there's some more graceful way to navigate this situation than what I've done so far. It's not something where I could feasibly call the cops on him, to be clear (not illegal afaik), but it feels like the only way I can get through to him exactly how bad it is, and it is bad, is to tell him "I don't want to be associated with you anymore. Go finish growing up."

(To be clear the guy is close to 40)


I'm also pretty stressed out and oversleeping. I'm going to move house soon. I'm doing a lot better with isolation stuff than I had been because outside here it looks at least somewhat normal, but I still feel like I'm trying to drive nails with a block of cheese when it comes to getting stuff done for my program, cuz the helpful routines I'd built for myself to kind of keep things going smooth and steady are still not possible. I'm just stumbling around without a clue, doing at best half of what I should be.

[Imic]

I stopped playing world of warcraft an hour ago. I've been on meds for my crippling problems with concentration and attention span for a few days now, and I have, for possibly the first genuine time, experienced the feeling of being truly addicted to a game. I only got into it because some friends of mine also got into it, and they dragged me in eventually, but even though usually friends would be more than enough to keep me around, being addicted to the game scared me. There was no joy, no real satisfaction or dopamine, just a constant low level of monotony with the occasional level up or quest completed to keep you hooked. In the past, I'd only ever really played it to look at the scenery, and that's why I got dragged into it this time, I wanted to unlock the ability to fly in a high level area I'd never had the concentration to reach and the devs gave the levelling system a massive overhaul to make it infinitely faster and easier. Combine that with my meds, and I got a glimpse into hell. No joy, no passion, no curiosity, no art, no exploration, just pushing buttons and watching numbers change. For one moment, I was in a situation where I saw myself getting sucked down the rabbit hole without return, it's not something I've experienced before, and I don't want to experience it again. I'm going to find something else to do. Thank you for coming to my vent, I know it's not on the level of some of the other stuff here, but I needed to vent it nonetheless.

[Superdorf]

I stopped playing world of warcraft an hour ago. I've been on meds for my crippling problems with concentration and attention span for a few days now, and I have, for possibly the first genuine time, experienced the feeling of being truly addicted to a game. I only got into it because some friends of mine also got into it, and they dragged me in eventually, but even though usually friends would be more than enough to keep me around, being addicted to the game scared me. There was no joy, no real satisfaction or dopamine, just a constant low level of monotony with the occasional level up or quest completed to keep you hooked. In the past, I'd only ever really played it to look at the scenery, and that's why I got dragged into it this time, I wanted to unlock the ability to fly in a high level area I'd never had the concentration to reach and the devs gave the levelling system a massive overhaul to make it infinitely faster and easier. Combine that with my meds, and I got a glimpse into hell. No joy, no passion, no curiosity, no art, no exploration, just pushing buttons and watching numbers change. For one moment, I was in a situation where I saw myself getting sucked down the rabbit hole without return, it's not something I've experienced before, and I don't want to experience it again. I'm going to find something else to do. Thank you for coming to my vent, I know it's not on the level of some of the other stuff here, but I needed to vent it nonetheless.

I'm very much prone to wandering down that particular rabbit hole... good on you for getting out.

[EuchreJack]

But when I called him out on it, he just told me he was extremely angry with me for judging him. Then a few weeks later he told me that he was sorry and that it had taken weeks of hard thinking to come to the conclusion that maybe he was wrong.

Not sure if you're actually looking for advice (people don't seem to like my advice), but first off I'd say if you need to cut ties with this guy for your own sanity, do that.

But I'll tell you what I think is going to happen based upon that section I've quoted: If the guy is left alone with his own thoughts, he's going to stop thinking he was wrong.  The idea that he might be wrong is only loosely held, and his brain is going to try to shake that idea.  They need a Jiminy Cricket to push through that idea that he was wrong so he can actually learn his lesson and become a better human being. 

Cutting contact won't help push through the point, it will just help him forget he was ever wrong.  And somehow magically blame you, for what it's worth.
The scary question: Is this ass going to be keeping his job when all is said and done?  If so, somebody should straighten him out.

[Vector]

Yes, he's going to be keeping his job (presumably). I don't really have any way to make that not happen, although he really should be fired.

I've been Jiminy Cricketing him already. I don't want to nag, or whatever, but he's been steadily getting worse while swearing up and down that he's learned his lesson this time and that he does bad things due to trauma. Then he does new bad things, laughs about them, and acts like I'm making a big deal out of nothing. We have already dialogued about personal responsibility on other occasions. He pretty much only calls me when he is feeling guilty about something and wants to feel better about it; but he's not interested in getting better. Lots of big talk about his feelings with no action.

At this point, he is starting to veer uncomfortably close to criminal activity and I want to get some distance from him for the purpose of my own reputation. It's not something where he can claim he doesn't know what's right and what's wrong. People are extremely clear-cut on this issue.

If he ends up going to jail at some point and reaches out, I'll write to him, but for now he's really skating by based on being a privileged white dude at this point who no one looks into too closely because he is "cultured." I don't want to be associated with his name while he evades other consequences (I think that would be codependent behavior on my part): I missed a bunch of previous red flags and I'm not ignoring this one.

If he blames me, that's fine.

EDIT: Thank you though for your advice. I may not agree with what you're saying, but writing out my feelings helps me get clarity on what I really think I should do in response.

[EuchreJack]

Hey, as long as I'm being appreciated, I'm perfectly happy to be wrong!

But also:

first off I'd say if you need to cut ties with this guy for your own sanity, do that.

So it's not like we totally disagree. 

[ChairmanPoo]

For the record: I dont know what he did, but I've been in the situation where an acquaitance with a dubious reputation started to act more and more erratically and in the end I decided to cut ties in part due to reputational concerns.

[Imic]

One of the only two shops in my village got broken into last night. Everything was smashed up, the cigarette machine was pulled off the wall, the toll was taken... there’s a lot of poor people in the village, and a lot of them rely on that shop, because it lets you put things on a tab, and then pay for them at the end of the month or whenever you have money. I’m scared that the family who own the shop might not be able to recover, there were no security cameras or anything in the building so whatever cunts did this might just get away with it, no consequences.

[EuchreJack]

Wow, language.

If so many people rely upon the shop, the thieves will probably fuck up by telling the wrong person, and get caught.  Now whether that helps the poor shop owners, is hard to say.  Most thieves have converted their ill-gotten gains into drugs that they've consumed by the time they're caught, and can't repay the damages.

[ChairmanPoo]

it´s most likely disenfranchised youth. that is, dumb lower and lower-middle class teenagers etc. Like the assholes that pushed that girl into the train tracks a couple of weeks ago. Unfortunately they´ll likely get off fairly scot free

[Imic]

They were joyriders, they showed up in a loud car, they saw an easy picking, they took everything they could, and they disappeared. They won't be caught. It's just not gonna happen, the only cctv that might have caught it was in the pharmacy across the road, and if the Guards (Irish police) actually bother to try catching them in the first place, it'll be a miracle.

[LordBaal]

Two days ago our dog died. She had a chemo a couple of months ago and apparently had recovered. Then the sticker tumor got back with a vengance, and she did not resisted a second chemo therapy.

Had to bury her myself in the back yard of the house. My late grandma had lots of dogs,  most are buried there too.

[dragdeler]

Rest in peace poor doggo.