I fear I am becoming, slowly, a jerk. And I hate it. Dammit, I don't want to make others miserable!
As a reformed jerk, I can help you.
Alright, it's very important that you answer my questions, I CANNOT assess how bad the damage is or how to help you unless you are completely honest with me.
1. Have you bought a new pair of CHEAP sunglasses recently? If so, how much were they, and what color are they?
2. Within the last 2 months, have you dedicated yourself to growing:
- A goatee w/ soulpatch
- very large sideburns
- A handlebar mustache
- Hairy Chest
- Any combination of the above
3. Percentage-wise, how much of your furniture is wicker based?
4. Would people that look at your car say that it has "Spinning rims"?
5. When talking to someone, do you feel that you use alot of colloquialisms?
6. Do you often shorten words to make sentences shorter? (Example: "They" becomes 'tay', "or" becomes a suffix like "This'er that", "And" becomes "nn")
7. Do you speak in a fake accent? If so, from which province and/or country?
8. Do you ever use nonexistent/made-up words in everyday speech?
9. Average out how many times you honk your car horn per day, and give the most common reason.
10. Do you ever cut people off when they are talking?
11. How many vulgar hand signs do you know? You need not list them.
12. Would you consider your diet to be 'junk food' based?
and the final one,
13. What's your favorite color?