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[Kagus]

Oh god, these next few months are going to hurt. So much.

I don't know how much I can take with a brave face.

[scriver]

Tell me more tell me more

[Kagus]

Tell me more tell me more

ERROR: Insufficient vodka to open up. I'm only six shots deep right now.

EDIT: fuck, 21. too far.

[Iduno]

Anyone else feeling like they have less and less to look forward to, and can only barely manage to feel anything at all?

[dragdeler]

-

[Iduno]

Uhu.                 hate to be that guy but, soooo the recent job interview..?

You could tell that HR doesn't want me to have the job (they seem upset because I tried to see a doctor a while back). There was also a new supervisor that doesn't know what we do on the interview panel for some reason, and I know he prefers one of the other candidates.

I'll find out in a week, but I'm not holding my breath.


Edit: Just noticed I am apparently holding my breath, because breathing is more energy than I have. Managing to keep from passing out, but just barely.

[itisnotlogical]

Ugh, social security is calling me in less than an hour and I'm nervous as hell. I have a feeling that they're going to want to talk about some shit that I either don't remember, or don't have access to since leaving my job. It doesn't help that phone calls make me very anxious in general.

[Yoink]

Anyone else feeling like they have less and less to look forward to, and can only barely manage to feel anything at all?

Well, kind of? Definitely the first part.
I cried in the bathroom the other day, though, so I'm pretty sure that counts as managing to feel something. Definitely not anything positive, though.

[ChairmanPoo]

In Dwarf Fortress getting your dwarves to a status of "doesn't feel anything anymore" was  a go-to goal. Made tantrums less likely.
A backbone of veteran, demotivated and burned-out dwarves was protection against a tantrum spiral

[Eschar]

It seems some upsetting phenomena I experienced twice last week may have been anxiety/panic attacks of some sort. Which means I may be prone to anxiety attacks, and may experience them again (of course, I knew I might have those experiences again regardless of whether they were anxiety attacks.) I really don't want to experience them again, ever.

[Great Order]

Had a rough night last night. My mind decided I needed a highlight reel of everything that could reasonably and unreasonably be seen as a failure in my life and the bad mood's continued into today.

Depression is one hell of a drug.

[Kagus]

On the bright side, I'm becoming more in touch with the realization that certain aspects of my personality and background are significantly more fucked-up than I'd previously granted them.


Unfortunately, the reason I've gotten more in touch with this is because it's now going to send me hurtling into a very dark, extraordinarily painful period over the next few weeks/months. And there's no clear exit.


Also,

EDIT: fuck, 21. too far.

apparently, you're not actually expected to be coherent -or even conscious- after knocking back 21 shots of vodka in three hours.

[ChairmanPoo]

I suspect that the reason there is silence regarding the interview for the post I applied to is that I wasn't shortlisted at all 

[Ulfarr]

I'm starting to have violent fantasies at night, most probably because I'm anxious about what my grades are gonna be in my school leaving exam. That the fantasies center around cathartic violence (destroying stuff, smashing windows) probably means I subconsciously believe that violence is the solution to my problems, but that's something for another day.

...d...doesn't everyone do this?

Well now I'm mildly concerned.

Hell if I know. All I know is that Mom tells me that violence is not the answer. I'm inclined to agree with her, but I have nothing to back it up. Doesn't stop me from massacring whole villages in, say, DF, though.

AFAIK those so called "violent fantasies" are quite common in teenagers (something about puberty) and don't mean much as long as you don't act them out. Still, if you feel like you can't control them or even if you are simply curious to learn more about them you could always contact an expert. There is no shame in wanting to understand/better yourself 

On the more philosophical stuff and since you expressed some doubts about the whole "violence is not the answer" thing, I think that your mother is half correct. A lawful court prosecuting a murderer, a person defending their life/property or people protesting against an unjust law are as much expressions of violence as are murder, assault or exploiting a law. The only difference is the purpose behind these actions.

Violence is a tool, one that has been extremely vilified but a tool nonetheless and as such it isn't inherently good or evil. Learning when, how and for what purpose to use violence, is a valuable skill yet people are afraid to teach it in fear of it being misused.

[Quaksna]

Violence is a tool, one that has been extremely vilified but a tool nonetheless and as such it isn't inherently good or evil. Learning when, how and for what purpose to use violence, is a valuable skill yet people are afraid to teach it in fear of it being misused.

Finally, finally someone said it! I bless you, Ulfarr!