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[JoshuaFH]

I've mentioned this before, and I'll never stop talking about it, until I do stop, where my resignation becomes effective in 2 weeks. I'm still really lost as to what I will be doing with all my newfound freedom. I'm just worried at the moment that I'll be trapped in a permanent lonely anxiety. A prison where you always want someone to talk to and hug, but there's never anyone there.

I mean, yeah, I'll be looking for things to do, but there's no guarantee. I can try to find clubs, but I've tried finding clubs before and this is a surprisingly boring town. I can try to stave off my loneliness, with momentary contact with relative strangers, but I'm a needy AF bastard that's been starved of the kind of human contact that a lot take for granted.

So far I have:
Ping pong (once a week)
Meditation group (once (maybe twice) a week)
Friday Night Magic (once a week, and expensive)
Community College (starts in April, schedule unknown; meaningful socialization not guaranteed)

I can do more research, but I'm thinking I'll need to fill the rest of my hours with some kind of work or strenuous activity, anything that is externally-focused to keep my mind from withdrawing in on, and eventually devouring, itself. "Life is such a chore, why was I born to labor so meaninglessly towards trivial ends. I wish life would end, it already feels like it has." -The echoing thought in my mind.

I also had a dream, about a girl from Highschool (one that I'm constantly afraid to see again, to the point where whenever I see anyone that kinda resembles her, my mind instantly freezes in panic and fear. It doesn't help that I'm unconsciously looking for her face everywhere, all the time.) and I was having a conversation with her. She was sitting in a row of chairs with her friends, I was sitting on the ground at her feet, almost kinda worshipping her where she sat. In the dream, she's much physically bigger than me. I'm apologizing for behaving so badly to her, and she reassures me that it was actually (somehow) her fault for all the terrible shit that happened between us. I felt astonishingly happy and woke up. Thinking it over, it was still kinda self-deprecating and feels ominous.

But oh well. Goodnight everyone.

[Naturegirl1999]

Why are you afraid of the girl? Did she attack you? Did she try to kill you?

[LordBaal]

It seems Josh bullied her?

[Kagus]

My guess would be that he liked her, and in his attraction acted very awkwardly which he interpreted as being mean/annoying to her.

[JoshuaFH]

My guess would be that he liked her, and in his attraction acted very awkwardly which he interpreted as being mean/annoying to her.

That's about right. I was as socially retarded as you could possibly be. The biggest achievement of my last decade of living is being able to hold a conversation, and even be able to joke around in a perfectly casual way, sometimes even with some spontaneity and eloquence. Even though it was a long time ago now, even though technically no harm was done, I still feel guilty for how uncomfortable I made her. It was a social crime that went unpunished, and I've been craving either punishment or vindication ever since; but of course noone has the authority to do that. My interaction with every woman since has been hindered by the constant fear that I'm doing something creepy or intimidating that could possibly make her uncomfortable; I never want to be seen as a creep again.

I'm hoping that my future joblessness will finally give me the opportunity to develop myself that last little bit, become the kind of normal/non-autistic man I want to be, and I'll have buried my past for good.

[Kagus]

If it helps, most folks legitimately don't remember shit like that. It's just us emotionally damaged badboys out here flogging ourselves over what body language we used in a conversation 10+ years ago.

I've come to understand this by being a masochist who searched up such wronged individuals and apologized for the behavior I exhibited back in the day. They had no clue what I was even talking about.

[Iduno]

In a chair of poo.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Just looking at that picture makes my shitty knees hurt.

No, in a cat corpse drone.

What

Go look it up. "Cat corpse drone." It's a thing.

[Eschar]

In a chair of poo.

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Just looking at that picture makes my shitty knees hurt.

No, in a cat corpse drone.

What

Go look it up. "Cat corpse drone." It's a thing.

Wait a minute, I know what that is. The pioneering invention of engineer taxidermy

[Eschar]

My guess would be that he liked her, and in his attraction acted very awkwardly which he interpreted as being mean/annoying to her.

Ain't that familiar.
The person in question does not, apparently, hate my guts though, so that's nice.

[LordBaal]

My guess would be that he liked her, and in his attraction acted very awkwardly which he interpreted as being mean/annoying to her.

I could swore Josh was gay. Dunno why? Maybe I'm misremembering something?

[Kagus]

My guess would be that he liked her, and in his attraction acted very awkwardly which he interpreted as being mean/annoying to her.

I could swore Josh was gay. Dunno why? Maybe I'm misremembering something?

You've probably been spending too much time near me and my posts; I seem to have a way of jamming people's gaydars.

[Eschar]

My guess would be that he liked her, and in his attraction acted very awkwardly which he interpreted as being mean/annoying to her.

I could swore Josh was gay. Dunno why? Maybe I'm misremembering something?

You've probably been spending too much time near me and my posts; I seem to have a way of jamming people's gaydars.

They better keep you away from this hypothetical submarine.

[McTraveller]

The number of embarrassing errors and omissions in some of my company's products is weighing on me.  I mean, do I have too high a bar to not expect basic things to be done correctly?

(And no, I do not work for Boeing - that would be even worse embarrassment.)


EDIT: Dangit, now my sink disposal is leaking.  Not how I wanted to spend $100...  Also I hate the internet. Nobody carries things in stock any more.  I feel dirty, but I ordered a replacement from Amazon because it would arrive Monday.  Lowe's  couldn't have it until the 28th.  WTF?

[Iduno]

EDIT: Dangit, now my sink disposal is leaking.

Protip, it stops leaking if you stop using that side of the sink. Hopefully you have 2+. I know because my slumlord won't fix shit (partly because no portion of the building is up to code, but mostly because they're shitty people).


Edit: Oh yeah, and I need an Amazon account to get my mail now.

[Rose]

Got my car back from the mechanic. They told me the thing's a piece of junk and not worth the cost of fixing it.