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[Rolan7]

Yeah I might be reaching.  The sheer amount I was drinking, though, makes it hard to imagine I'd escape any physical effects.  My hands are trembling slightly but it could just be normal stress...

I was guarding my Gma last night and sure enough, she imagined someone calling her to breakfast at 5AM again.  This interrupted a very odd dream of being a cyborg undergoing maintenance.  I can still feel the ratchet up inside my elbow, tightening a bolt.  That part was almost pleasant, but there were evil cyborgs infiltrating the colony, and I distinctly saw one crawling into an airvent... after waking up.  I knew it wasn't real, of course, just a shadow.

At breakfast I got so tired of making small-talk with Gma's friends, when Gma couldn't hear any of us without me shouting in her ear.  Hence me tiredly quipping "yeah i run a gay bunkhouse" in old-person talk (the "confirmed bachelor" bit I posted in the Laugh thread).  It really did raise my mood, but... jeez.

[Edit2: SNOP]

and then Christmas its fucking self
i fucking hate christmas, i hate this season, i hate my bio-family, and i hate myself

I don't particularly feel like drinking, though.  I need all my faculties to deal with this horseshit.

Edit:  Okay I don't actually hate my bio-family.  I do hate feeling angry.

[dragdeler]

-

[Rolan7]

Yeah I wouldn't care so much if I didn't love them. It's all the stress I hate. It's not even that they're "bad", it's normal drama.

I just have trouble dealing with it sometimes, and trying to fake cheer really doesn't help.

I feel a whole lot better now, I needed to say that stuff (and now hide some of it, because several RL people know my username).

Edit: It feels really good to be remembered as caring about/after my family, actually. Thanks (:

[Frumple]

Non-cracked tablet decided to keel over more or less dead. Near as I can tell from its behavior and what folks are saying online, the most likely cause is the display cable inside it basically melting, due to some galaxy brained designer deciding directly over the battery was a good place to put it.

Warranty for the thing dies in two days, too. I'm not saying planned obsolescence but it smells a lot like planned obsolescence. Either way I'm out a tablet whose screen doesn't look like modern art

Guess I'll be shopping for a new tablet. Not, uh. Not Lenovo again. It was pretty nice while it lasted but I ain't giving more money to folks that apparently can't make a device last a full year.

[scriver]

But warranty?

[Frumple]

Expires in less than 48 hours, and it looks like they count from arrival, not something else. I.e. there's no way to get anything out of it before it expires. Short of spending however much to extend the warranty, and... no. If nothing but regular usage is going to drop one of their devices in a year's time, I they ain't getting no more of my dosh. New tablet isn't cheap, but it isn't super expensive, either.

[scriver]

Expires in less than 48 hours

Sounds like the premise of a hijinksy Christmas comedy to me!

[Grim Portent]

I always dislike this time of year. Too much going on, too much to do, everyone gets stressed, too many people around. I just want to curl up somewhere warm and forget about existing for a while and come out when everything's normal again.

I've been noticing my thoughts straying to the undiscovered country lately. Death has never been far from my mind since I was a teenager to be honest, but more and more often I find myself unsure why I'm still around. Everything feels quite pointless, but that includes dying. I kind of wish I could just be turned off and kept in a box or something and only get brought back out for a few occasions each year.

[Yoink]

Merry Christmas, please shoot me. 



Edit:

I kind of wish I could just be turned off and kept in a box or something and only get brought back out for a few occasions each year.

Long have I dreamt of such an option. The constant struggling and striving for no benefit other than prolonging this life I don't enjoy anyway is tiresome indeed.

At this point, if the whole "what superpower would you choose" hypothetical somehow became reality, I'd probably just go with the ability to hibernate, to enter into a prolonged or indefinite torpor with my needs put on hold until I feel ready to face the world and deal with all its bullshit once again.

So I guess what I'm trying to say is, I feel ya.

[Yoink]

Spoiler: Sleepy, disjointed rant about some of the things stressing me out currently. (click to show/hide)

I kinda want to do some DIY primal scream therapy, but what with anxiety and all I hate making noise with my voice and stuff.
It'd be nice if I could (legally) drive, so I could just pull over in a rest area on some quiet stretch of freeway and scream myself hoarse.


Oh yeah, and I don't know what I'm doing - am I flying home before or after the New Year? My close friend group is having what plans to be an absolute rager down there and I would very much love to write myself off completely in their company, but another old friend (with probably at least a few familiar faces) is planning his own NYE shindig up here, in my home state - and I don't see him anywhere near as often as I do my other friends.
Also, if I stayed for that I might as well stick around for a pretty sweet doom gig in my hometown on the 11th, with at least a couple of other good friends (one of whom I may or may not still be kinda in love with). Hell, I could probably smush these two friend groups together if I wanted - they most likely share some acquaintances already.

The hell's a guy to do?
And this is before I even start worrying about having to find somewhere new to live next month, preferably that isn't the bottom of a river. Oh, and Christmas fucking sucked.

Finally, I should probably amend my last post: hibernation abilities would be cool and all, but I reckon some kind of laser eyes would still be the way to go.

[Iduno]

Expires in less than 48 hours

Lucky.

[Frumple]

Not for me it wasn't

[dragdeler]

-.-

[Ulfarr]

The store next to the one I work caught on fire. There were no casualties and no damage to us or any other building thankfully but we couldn’t open for business.

[Kagus]

My inner circle of friends is threatening to come apart at the seams and I'm partly responsible.