My drinking was getting particularly out of hand again, so aaaalmost a week ago I decided to be sober for a week to... well, make sure I could. (particularly since I was starting to type nonsense everywhere again, despite trying not to. That was... concerning).
First off, I'm actually enjoying all this free time I actually remember and am competent during. Lots of walking, but also some of my favorite nostalgic video games. Zonking out to music was certainly fun, but I'm more... involved with these games. Particularly my minecraft project.
I'm dreaming, like, every night. Lots of crazy stuff. Some uncomfortable, but mostly just impressive. It's almost like the weird stuff I would come up with while drunk, except my body's getting proper rest. I wonder if those are the "delirium tremens" (DTs). I'm only getting them at night though (I would say asleep, but my sleep has been pretty fitful).
The most worrisome part is that last night, fifth full night sober, it got significantly more difficult. Up till then it'd felt purely psychological, like a game I wanted to play. Easy to distract myself from. Yesterday and today I feel off, and I don't think it's just the over-exercise. I started looking for excuses to, like, have a little bit. And I think that's actually valid? Assuming I actually stick to it, weaning myself off might be a lot easier than going cold-turkey.
Thing is, now my pride's involved. I stated to some people I care about that I wasn't going to drink till New Years (AKA a full *two* weeks) and I don't want to make that a lie. I may have a lot to work on in my life, but if there's one thing I'm good at, it's inaction and distraction! I can totally *not* drink for two weeks.
Sure, my RL friends *just* gifted me a handle of nice gin. Sure, I still have my previous handle in my room (it would be cowardice to hide it away!). Sure I've chosen to stop drinking during LITERALLY the most stressful time of the year, where I regularly have nervous breakdowns and turn off my phone. Sure my drinking has been excessive for uh almost four years. That'll just make it even more badass when I succeed!
I was a teetotaler in college. I always thought that this was problem I would never have. Every time I consider drinking "a little" I get mad at my weakness, and at how much I've already pissed away.
I'm still going to drink in 2020. I *love* getting drunk occasionally. I particularly enjoyed it before it became a chronic thing. I'm going to have fun, but I'm going to be fully in control of the schedule.