I never allow myself to succeed.
What I mean by that, is that every accomplishment I achieve is immediately discounted as either not having happened or being worthless and not really an accomplishment at all. Every failure of course gets religiously recorded and cataloged, to be remembered and referenced for all time, but getting something right just gets brushed under the rug.
Working out is a constant stream of failures as I'm always frustrated with not being better than I already am, but the progress I have made doesn't exist to me. To me, I'm at exactly the same place I was back when I started, barely being able to pull a single row at 40kg, as now when I'm doing sets at 60+. And the bodily changes of course haven't happened either, even though I notice my shirts fit differently now and I've received comments from people on the difference.
Things like making a more involved dinner for myself or cleaning the apartment, things I do really struggle with, get utterly discounted as not even hitting the minimum of being noteworthy. Nothing I do has any worth or value, except negative value when I fuck something up.
I'm not good at anything, not the games I play, not the guitar, not writing, not massage, not even damn beer tasting...
Obviously, I can understand at an intellectual level that I've gotten better at certain things compared to when I first started... But that never really sinks in. It's a purely theoretical concept, I never feel it. How am I supposed to find the will to do something if I always feel that the only result is just going to be a different kind of failure, rather than any actual success?