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[Kagus]

Netflix binges are slightly easier when you have a Netflix account!

And there is a fair amount of eyestrain involved in stuff like that, so I figured just resting and trying to conserve strength was the best course of action... Especially seeing as I didn't really have a lot of energy, so getting up and doing stuff wasn't any more appealing than it usually is(n't). I just couldn't sleep.

[Grim Portent]

Been struggling a lot with my mind lately. Mostly just want to sleep so I don't have to spend time thinking about stuff because it always cycles around to thinking about my mental and physical health and that's a bad place to get into, but my sleep isn't restful because I've been having strange and disturbing dreams every night for over a month.

Don't want to talk to my family about this stuff because frankly everyone's got enough of their own stuff to worry about and I get uncomfortable talking about it with people anyway. I just kind of want to melt or something, just gently cease to be for a while, but I can't escape my own mind, or the constant physical pains reminding me I exist.

On a conscious level I know it's irrational, but I feel bad whenever I go to the doctor about this, about the fact I'm on medication, about the resources that get spent on me when I know my problems aren't even that bad all things considered. I know that's just part of the depression affecting me, but it's hard to shake the feeling sometimes that it's all a waste.

[Iduno]

I always try to do that whole devil's advocate let's be fair to everyone gumdrops and rainbows etc thing, but yeah 10-1 sounds about right.

Just don't take it too far.

https://twitter.com/dril/status/464802196060917762

Been struggling a lot with my mind lately. Mostly just want to sleep so I don't have to spend time thinking about stuff because it always cycles around to thinking about my mental and physical health and that's a bad place to get into, but my sleep isn't restful because I've been having strange and disturbing dreams every night for over a month.

Don't want to talk to my family about this stuff because frankly everyone's got enough of their own stuff to worry about and I get uncomfortable talking about it with people anyway. I just kind of want to melt or something, just gently cease to be for a while, but I can't escape my own mind, or the constant physical pains reminding me I exist.

On a conscious level I know it's irrational, but I feel bad whenever I go to the doctor about this, about the fact I'm on medication, about the resources that get spent on me when I know my problems aren't even that bad all things considered. I know that's just part of the depression affecting me, but it's hard to shake the feeling sometimes that it's all a waste.

A lot of that does sound like the old familiar depression. As for the sleep, have you tried relaxing with some low-stakes tv or something? PeeWee's playhouse works for me when I'm stressed, because nothing really happens, and also it reminds me of the good parts of childhood (watching tv). Video games may or may not work for you, depending on if they relax or stress you out. I mean, the light isn't good for your sleep, but I guess the alternative is reading in the dark or something.

[hector13]

I always try to do that whole devil's advocate let's be fair to everyone gumdrops and rainbows etc thing, but yeah 10-1 sounds about right.

Just don't take it too far.

https://twitter.com/dril/status/464802196060917762

I was reading through many of the tweets replying to it, feeling more and more disdain for people continuing the nonsense, until I read one at the bottom which said it was not just stupid but it was untrue, and realized I hate it when people don’t take the time to understand it’s nonsense more.

[wierd]

I always try to do that whole devil's advocate let's be fair to everyone gumdrops and rainbows etc thing, but yeah 10-1 sounds about right.

Just don't take it too far.

https://twitter.com/dril/status/464802196060917762

I was reading through many of the tweets replying to it, feeling more and more disdain for people continuing the nonsense, until I read one at the bottom which said it was not just stupid but it was untrue, and realized I hate it when people don’t take the time to understand it’s nonsense more.

In the 90s, there was a religious parody site called "Ask sister rossetta".  The "Lavender Nun" would answer your "religious inquiries", and was in much the same vein as LandoverBaptist.org

The message board on that site had so much vitriol from people that simply could not grasp that it was a purposeful parody, and shining example of Poe's Law, that the small community of regular posters there had an endless supply of it.

Under the right conditions, the availability of such persons is quite entertaining.

[JoshuaFH]

I went to a local community college for career counseling, and while I was waiting for the counselor I got planted planted in front of a computer and asked to do a questionnaire for interests, personality fit, aptitude, stuff like that; in order to recommend potential careers. The entire questionnaire program felt excruciatingly naive, enough to make me feel childish just for being there.
The thought going through my head was something like "Oh? Trying to repair your fucked up life right at the last possible moment? Not in this era! You should've been on the road to success when you were still a teen, trying to start right now... good luck! And no, it doesn't matter that you had a shitty start to life, that's just how the cards were dealt, too bad!"

Though the counselor finally got to me, put a more positive spin on things, just a great guy all around. I got some serious homework to do, in order to figure out what classes I want to take, though I still don't know what I want to do. Feels like I wasted a whole year trying to get into the military (still pissed off about that) and now I'm even further behind. I just want my real life to start already, before I die.

[hector13]

What do you think real life is?

[ChairmanPoo]

I kind of refused to do the orientation questionnaire at High School.

[JoshuaFH]

What do you think real life is?

I suppose something that qualifies as an achieving or productive life: Having a family. Doing something great. Having a job that gives you a sense of success and direction and progression. Being a pillar of a community.

Perhaps I'm just tired, but it's a shallow sense of insecurity that is just resurfacing at the moment. All these things, which I feel I should be doing or have done already, aggravate that nagging inferiority complex that's I've been addicted to all my life.

"Hello I'm Josh, and I'm an inferiority addict."

[Il Palazzo]

Well, that's like, just your opinion, man. You say I've no life, I say I've a beer.

[LordBaal]

What do you think real life is?

I suppose something that qualifies as an achieving or productive life: Having a family. Doing something great. Having a job that gives you a sense of success and direction and progression. Being a pillar of a community.

I have/had lot of those things.... while my family is my biggest and most cherished accomplishment so far and I can't longer picture my life without them, Im pretty sure if I had got into the road not taken I would be pretty good too, as far as being good here one can be.

You already have things in your life to cherish and be thankful to whatever deity/universe/The Emprah/Toady/Armok you happen to recur to.

[hector13]

What do you think real life is?

I suppose something that qualifies as an achieving or productive life: Having a family. Doing something great. Having a job that gives you a sense of success and direction and progression. Being a pillar of a community.

You refer to this as real life, but how many people do you think manage these things? How many people manage these things at your age, too?

Would you like your life to consist of all these things, or would any one be good enough?

Perhaps I'm just tired, but it's a shallow sense of insecurity that is just resurfacing at the moment. All these things, which I feel I should be doing or have done already, aggravate that nagging inferiority complex that's I've been addicted to all my life.

"Hello I'm Josh, and I'm an inferiority addict."

I don’t think you’re an inferiority addict, I think you just have this ideal of what a good life is and you don’t think you have that, and every minute that you don’t is a waste, rather than part of it.

Being insecure is fine, everyone gets insecure, it’s just trying not letting it overwhelm you, like with the little test thing you did for the career counselor. You were getting bent out of shape with all the negative thoughts that you should be where you want to be right now sharpish actually yesterday but you still did it anyway, because you knew the end point of seeing the career dude would be a good thing for you in the long-term.

Not letting things get to you is easier said than done though. If you figure that one out let me know :p

[Kagus]

I see friends/acquaintances I'm connected with on Facebook put up statuses and share images about mental health such as the challenges they're going through, how the pain's invisible to the outside, learning to accept yourself for who you are and move forward etc...

And I just... Well, first of all, the thought of being that open about it is damn near unthinkable to me. Secondly, I have to wonder just how much they're actually going through contra how much they're identifying with it for the sake of their own egos. But then again, that might have something to do with where these people happen to be in life, and how I measure myself against that...

One's a reasonably esteemed journalist with a published book about mental illness and a line of various communites waiting to book her for presentations and speeches. The other's a martial artist in four different schools and a metal frontman with an actual goddamn sixpack.

Meanwhile, I'm scraping by on disability and trying to keep my apartment from looking too much like a crack den. I've been pretty good about eating two meals a day though, so I've got that going for me.

[Dunamisdeos]

Odo died ;-;

[itisnotlogical]

It isn't enough to grow up without a dad, it isn't enough to watch my older brother slowly turn into an alcoholic, it isn't enough for everybody I ever though of as a friend to ghost me overnight, it isn't enough to lose my job, go broke and sink into debt inch by inch, it isn't even enough to lose the use of my leg for the better part of a month. Now my wife's living situation is uncertain, and I'm not even going to be in the same town to do anything about it... Not that I could if I were there. You know, broke, jobless and about to be hospitalized for over a month.

What does life want from me next? Maybe I'll break all my fingers in a freak accident, or my tongue gets eaten by a parasite, or go blind from staring at the sun.