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[scourge728]

Ah Russia, messing things up for everyone else since Nov 7 1917

[Dunamisdeos]

Ah Russia, messing things up for everyone else since Nov 7 1917

Bunch of noobs, we've been doing it since 1619.

[Yoink]

Ah Russia, messing things up for everyone else since Nov 7 1917

Poor ol' Tsar Nick et al.

[bloop_bleep]

Ah Russia, messing things up for everyone else since Nov 7 1917

Poor ol' Tsar Nick et al.

Nah, Tsar Nick became poor in February. And he stopped getting ol' in July.

[methylatedspirit]

Spoiler: I probably need a diary. (click to show/hide)

I've been mulling over this problem, and I think I need some perspective.

I want to feel like I belong somewhere, but there's always this nagging feeling telling me that doing so will make me a freeloader in the eyes of the people around me. It's not entirely wrong, either; I'm fully aware that I had to move schools to get away from the classmates that I had alienated by being an unrepentant freeloader; never trying to see their side of the story, always trying to extract favors out of them from what little goodwill was left, the list goes on. They were toxic, sure, but to say that it was solely their fault is not something I can accept in good conscience. When I first realized that, I felt regret, like I wanted to make amends for being such a shity "friend" to them. I know that's impossible, but that need to make amends has driven me to see every friendship as this inherently unstable system, one that collapses the moment I fuck something up. The exact moment I repeat that same mistake. I'm doing my best to avoid that nightmare, but how far does 'doing my best' go? To hear myself using that to get out of trouble? I would prefer to endure years of torture than to use that dishonest cop-out of an excuse.

That's sort of the crux of my issue. I want to trust others, but I myself can't trust them to do the same for me. I don't know why I'm expecting you guys to be sympathetic, but it might mean something to you, if that makes any sense. I think I posted something similar to this before, but that's neither here nor there.

[Dunamisdeos]

I am sad to see people slowly lose the things in them that are good to a bitter, temporary, and ultimately shallow sense of belonging. Humanity has yet to exceed the superlative evil of the deliberate subsuming of a person's will with a promise of comfort that never comes.
 
That's sort of bleak, sorry. I'm feeling sort of bleak.

[ChairmanPoo]

Humanity has yet to exceed the superlative evil of the deliberate subsuming of a person's will with a promise of comfort that never comes.

Well I donno. Ethnic cleansings are worse than that I think. But we'll have to agree to disagree 

[LordBaal]

Not really that bleak, for me is kinda snafu being surrounded by some of those submitted and fully immersed on the consequences they unleashed.

Here we are, after 12 hours with electric power again in the proverbial dark. My son at least got a good night of sleep. He's also down to his last kg of powdered milk. Luckily he eats regular meals without hesitation too, as if he knew what's going on.

We managed (well, my wife actually) to acquire lots of lentils and some beans again. So for the time being we are back to 2 meals per day.

The office is still closed and any semblance of a regular life and building up again are basically tossed out of the window.

How I came from being a it technician with his own office on a huge factory, with a car, steady income and three meals per day to a drone that works for food? Shit I hate this dull nothingness because it gives me time to think on this things and makes me supper sad, angry, frustrated.

[Kagus]

Birthday today. Got the day off to a proper start by weeping in bed for a while.

I'm 29 years old today. I dropped out of kindergarten, and haven't had any official education since then. I've never had a job. Whatever inherent talents I might have had before, have withered and burned away from years of neglect. I have no interests, and the extremely limited selection of hobbies I once entertained have fallen away with time. I can't focus properly, and my retention and learning have suffered as a result; and reading for pleasure has been drop-kicked to a messy death. I'm at the end of a 5-year long relationship (with a year or two of dating before that) that hasn't been good since about the first year; but at least a painful, complicated end is within sight. So I've got that going for me.

My career prospects are basically 1) Suicide and 2) Alcoholism, and I don't have the drive to do anything of my own. So, instead, I sit around and watch myself fall to pieces and my opportunities become smaller and fewer. Time waits for no man.

[bloop_bleep]

29 years old is still far too young for any serious opportunities to close. People change careers, starting nearly from scratch, at much older than that. Your perceived idea of your opportunities dropping away by the day is most likely just an illusion brought upon by your depression and feelings of hopelessness.

All you have to do is keep your eye on the light at the end of the tunnel. You want to set up your own apartment and end your relationship. You're still making progress on that goal. You reach it, you set another. You'll always to be able to find something, however trivial, to make better. The biggest achievements are just a series of small steps, after all. The key is just not to do this:

So, instead, I sit around and watch myself fall to pieces

... which is in fact not what you're doing right now, as you're still making progress towards your set goal. Realize that you're doing so and the load will feel lighter.

[Kiron123]

My dog pooped .... on my laptop...

[LordBaal]

Kagus you have always strike me as a men of wits and intelligence, my grandfather only had second grade of school and he was a brilliant men. Taught me to read and basic math at the age of 4/5.

Your level of education doesnt have to be determinant by itself and you are still young. I know first hand of people that finally succeeded and achieved great goals by twice your age. You are even at time to study if you feel like it and have the option.

Edit: Also you live ina fucking rad country!

[dragdeler]

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[scourge728]

autists.

I'd really prefer you not use that term.... You get a pass in this instance because the guy actually does sound like he has autism, but in the future please avoid using it

[dragdeler]

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