I shouldn't have eaten that gross-ass potato cake.
Now I seem to have food poisoning, with the primary symptom being diarrhoea.
As if that wasn't bad enough, I am afflicted with said ailment at work, in the dingy little dunny that we have to rely on here. Dx
At least there are only two hours and five minutes before I'm out of here...
Edit: I've survived. Barely.
Please spare some thoughts and prayers for my bunghole.
Edit2: story time!
Oh good gods. Well, at least now no-one can accuse me of faking sick to get out of work early*.
After asking my supervisor if I could leave early, since I still felt awful from my unwise meal choice earlier (he kindly agreed), I was faced with a long wait in which not one but two buses should have appeared. It was intolerable. It was torturous. I'm there feeling sick and feeble, wracked with nausea and practically shivering in the cold wind, which seemed to aggravate things for some reason.
I began to have doubts, as this interminable wait dragged on and on, as to whether a bus was really the best place for me to be in this condition. Visions of myself lurching forward and barfing over the better part of one of those trusty municipal people-movers - not to mention its horrified occupants - sprang unbidden to my mind.
"Nonsense," I said to I, "you're just going to make us sick with such imaginings. Let's just think of something else and ignore it 'til it passes."
You can hardly blame myself, that approach has worked many times in the past. Thinking about puking only makes you feel more like puking.
You know how when you have that sort of nausea, it feels as though vomit is imminent, but you still feel certain deep down that it's not really going to happen, that you're just feeling a bit under the weather and your body is overreacting?
This was one of those times.
Until it wasn't.
After so long waiting with still no sign of the mechanical chariot due to whisk me away to the comfort of home, there came a wave of nausea that didn't pass.
"This can't be happening," I thought, refusing to believe it even as I stumbled hesitantly away from the bus stop, across the small service road separating it from my workplace and onto the nature strip.
I still held out hope that I would just chill here for a bit until the feeling passed, with some shrubs and distance separating me from the eyes watching from passing cars.
Abruptly, though, my objective changed - it was really happening! - from cowering behind the bushes to trying to direct the inevitable torrent of bilious gut-chutney into them.
Alas, I didn't quite make it. As the floodgates opened and I began to spasm as my vile cargo made its departure, I flung a hand upwards to steady myself on the roadsign I stood behind, even as my other hand drew upon some long-held muscle memory to claw my poor hair out of the line of fire.
The bulk of my half-digested deposit wound up on the grass rather than in the bushes, I'm afraid to say; it also bears mentioning that the fateful site of the victorious vom was within plain sight of the front doors of work.
Once I had recovered my senses I glanced in that direction and saw at least a couple of folks, my understanding supervisor included, milling about the entrance.
That was all I saw before a fresh bout of retching overtook me, finishing what was begun.
I cleaned myself up as best I could (amazingly enough, I seemingly managed to not get a drop on me) and returned to the bus stop. Amazingly enough, a bus hadn't gone whilst I was occupied (I had expected one to go sailing past just as I recovered, to add, well, more insult to injury) and the same guy was still also waiting, presumably having borne witness to my ordeal.
I tried to crack out some gallows humour of "at least I didn't miss my bus," but my throat was parched from the amount of bilious slime that had been so recently expelled through it and my voice was somewhere between a croak and a squeak. There was no response.
Oh well.
At least no-one can abuse accuse me of faking sick to get out of work early.
Author
Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9784512 times)