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[highmax28]

Still recovering from a minor concussion. Body hurts cause my neck squished into my spine, head hurts, and feeling right useless at work today since I can’t lift anything

I also have a returning throat infection that never seems to go away fully ever since I got it the first time in rehab...

[Hanslanda]

If I died right now I'd miss my wife and son, music, and daydreaming. That's pretty much it.

[Kagus]

If I died right now I'd miss my wife and son, music, and daydreaming. That's pretty much it.

You'd also cause immense trauma and immeasurable sadness and torment in your wife, son, friends, and extended family/acquaintances! Ain't it just special?

[Hanslanda]

If I died right now I'd miss my wife and son, music, and daydreaming. That's pretty much it.

You'd also cause immense trauma and immeasurable sadness and torment in your wife, son, friends, and extended family/acquaintances! Ain't it just special?

Yeah, life is neat/awful like that. I'm not suicidal or anything, just depressed and immensely tired.

[Yoink]

The prime of my life was spent hating myself and sabotaging every relationship I got close to having, and now it's all downhill from there.

As much as it pains me to try and be some saccharine voice of reassurance, I feel like you're really counting yourself out too soon here.
Old cunts can have fun, too. Finding some regular enjoyment in life isn't so much a matter of turning your life around and changing yourself as a person, necessarily, it can just mean getting a bit of luck and finding your niche somewhere.


I realise I have no idea how old you are. I feel pretty much the same way re: my prime.

* Yoink goes and checks.

...Dude, you're just two years older than me!? Get tae fuck with this "referring to your prime in the past tense" BS. Same goes to me, actually. That's just a self-defeating attitude and wholly detached from reality. Pfft.

You've got plenty of time to get your shit together whilst still being young enough to enjoy your nicely-compacted shit.
Not that I think age has a whole lot to do with that, anyway. I can think of numerous examples of comparatively old farts who get about kicking as much or more arse as a 20-something half their age.



Disclaimer: I basically just crawled outta bed and started typing this. Hopefully it makes sense. No guarantees there, especially with this bloody phone keyboard.
Basically, it was intended to be helpful and encouraging. Goodness knows how far I am from the mark.

I'm not suicidal or anything, just depressed and immensely tired.

*offers hugs and/or awkward manly shoulder pats*

[Hanslanda]

Hugs and awkward shoulder pats are always welcome. I just wish I wasn't tired. Like death seems nice cuz it's basically the longest nap ever.

[Shook]

Someone I know is improving much faster than me as an artist, it seems. That's not what makes me sad, in particular; amongst other things, I'm pretty sure he's actually studying art. What makes me sad is that it does actually bother me. It shouldn't. It's such a petty thing.

Man i wish i couldn't say i can relate to this, but i can. It bothers me intensely that i feel like that, i don't want to be that kind of person. It even makes perfect sense why this other person is improving much faster than me, and it's great that they're doing that and enjoying it, but my subconscious arse goblin is like "this is a threat to you" and i hate that goblin. :C

[Mephisto]

My life revolves around trading hours of existence for money, which we turn into shit and then dispose of. Two cats who somehow miss the giant-ass litter box we have and are my responsibility despite my wife wanting them. A toddler who seems to either have too much or too little fiber. A rented house with fixtures so bad that I have to plunge one of our toilets just about every day. The smell permeates my being.

[JoshuaFH]

Kind of upset at myself. I'd like to learn to be more artistic. Every time I even dip my toes in I get so sickened with myself I stop right away. I have pokemon paint on my 3DS, and that got to be too intimidating real quickly. Just getting over my self-hatred in this regard is maddening.

I got a free trial on Skillshare, just to try it out. The idea of self-improvement is nice, but when I'm at the door I freeze. Though I did open up a video, of Sketch Journaling. I tried to come into it with an open mind, but the slow simmer of toxicity within me soon reached a boil. The instructor, a beautiful young woman, objectively speaking I could tell she was giving an honest good effort, but all I could *feel* was "WOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE TO HAVE BEEN BORN SO FORTUNATE, SO BEAUTIFUL, SO UPPER CLASS, SO HAPPY! YOUR LIFE IS JUST SO SPOTLESS AND CLEAN AND PERFECT, IS THAT HOW YOU THINK THE WHOLE WORLD IS?! YEAH FLIP THROUGH YOUR PHONE TO SHOW US *EXACTLY* HOW WONDERFUL AND AMAZING YOUR LIFE IS! OH WOW WHAT A WONDERFUL SPOUSE AND FAMILY! WHAT A PERFECT LIFE THAT GOD HAS BEQUEATHED ONTO YOU!" ...

...

It's very spiteful and petty, I know. Envy is a sin for a reason, I know. What I'm trying to say is it is exactly this kind of inner toxicity that I feel keeps me from actually improving myself and unshackling the chains of my own self-sabotage and finding happiness in my own life.

[ggamer]

Kind of upset at myself. I'd like to learn to be more artistic. Every time I even dip my toes in I get so sickened with myself I stop right away. I have pokemon paint on my 3DS, and that got to be too intimidating real quickly. Just getting over my self-hatred in this regard is maddening.

I got a free trial on Skillshare, just to try it out. The idea of self-improvement is nice, but when I'm at the door I freeze. Though I did open up a video, of Sketch Journaling. I tried to come into it with an open mind, but the slow simmer of toxicity within me soon reached a boil. The instructor, a beautiful young woman, objectively speaking I could tell she was giving an honest good effort, but all I could *feel* was "WOW HOW LUCKY YOU ARE TO HAVE BEEN BORN SO FORTUNATE, SO BEAUTIFUL, SO UPPER CLASS, SO HAPPY! YOUR LIFE IS JUST SO SPOTLESS AND CLEAN AND PERFECT, IS THAT HOW YOU THINK THE WHOLE WORLD IS?! YEAH FLIP THROUGH YOUR PHONE TO SHOW US *EXACTLY* HOW WONDERFUL AND AMAZING YOUR LIFE IS! OH WOW WHAT A WONDERFUL SPOUSE AND FAMILY! WHAT A PERFECT LIFE THAT GOD HAS BEQUEATHED ONTO YOU!" ...

...

It's very spiteful and petty, I know. Envy is a sin for a reason, I know. What I'm trying to say is it is exactly this kind of inner toxicity that I feel keeps me from actually improving myself and unshackling the chains of my own self-sabotage and finding happiness in my own life.

Creativity is a good way to get those feelings out of your system! i'm a big boring bitch so I like to write more, but I can tell you that getting that toxicity out onto paper whenever I feel it is 100% better than letting it eventually blow up in my face. Is it drawing in particular you want to get better at, or just art in general?

[JoshuaFH]

Yeah, I'd like to draw. I don't know why, it just seems like the more visceral kind of art to encapsulate what I'm feeling... and it feels impossible. That perhaps sums up my pessimistic view on life, instead of "Drawing feels impossible" it can be easily summed as "Living my life feels impossible." even though, realistically, I know it isn't impossible and I shouldn't act like it.

BTW my therapist quit her job, so there's that.

[Hanslanda]

Draw badly and hate it and pour that hate into the next drawing. Eventually you'll either improve or create a physical representation of pure hate. Which is still art!

[Yoink]

Draw badly and hate it and pour that hate into the next drawing. Eventually you'll either improve or create a physical representation of pure hate. Which is still art!

Hell yeah!
And if you're not satisfied with one drawing, smear ink or paint over it until you can either turn it into something else or go full Pollock.

[Kagus]

I hear that the difference between bad sketchers and good sketchers is that the good sketchers spend more time on the sketch.

They both start off with shitty line drawings, but the good'uns then spend the next few hours/days touching up the fucky bits until it looks nicer.

BTW my therapist quit her job, so there's that.

That'd be pretty funny if it wasn't horrible. Did she at least give a recommendation/referral to another professional?

[Shook]

Can confirm the time bit even if i'm not that great an artist yet. Although my baseline sketch quality has improved, i still need to do a lot of finagling to fix the fucky bits, and those fucky bits can really come as a shock when you think like "oh this is looking okay" and then mirror it and see that half the drawing is lopsided like some dumb potato ogre. This would be okay if i were actually drawing a dumb potato ogre, but usually i'm not. :C