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[Kagus]

Damn, y'all got some shitty friends.

Sure, it's quite likely you have a skewed idea of what relationships are like, and that's perfectly understandable given that you've only had bad experiences so far. The magnitude of those experiences also tend to have a say as far as how much you're willing to "risk" in trying to find someone better.

But none of that is in any way an excuse to pester you about it, Jesus Christ... If or when you do get into a healthy relationship, it will happen on its own time, not because you "manned up" and just attached yourself to someone for the sake of it. Nobody, absolutely nobody benefits from that.

And, particularly if they're just going to comment on the thing instead of offering any kind of assistance (note that having friends play matchmaker has its own whole jar of worms to deal with, although it can be fun), just use the response I've pulled out whenever I get asked when my girlfriend and I are going to try for a baby...

"Every time someone asks, we push the date back six months"


In all honesty though, just try to ignore them. Their weird standards do not and should not reflect on you. Relationships are tough, it's okay to feel uncomfortable, and nothing good is going to come from pushing something that you don't want.

EDIT: "Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit"

[Stuebi]

You could always simply tell them with stern to stop discussing your private matters because is not of their darn businesses. If that doesn't work, either leave or refuse to hang out with them again for a while. Remember you could always say no if you don't want to go in the first place.

The sad part is, I was genuinely happy seeing some of them, as I hadnt since we got out of school. But yeah, I think just putting my foot down would've probably solved it.

"Every time someone asks, we push the date back six months"


In all honesty though, just try to ignore them. Their weird standards do not and should not reflect on you. Relationships are tough, it's okay to feel uncomfortable, and nothing good is going to come from pushing something that you don't want.

EDIT: "Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit"

Thank you, a lot. This actually made me laugh heartily enough to basically be cheery again.

[Rolan7]

Heh, that cheered me up too!  I just want to second it.
If they're so pushy, maybe *they're* the insecure ones hm?

[Spehss _]

Finals are next week. Stress and text anxiety are setting in. \o/

[Teneb]

Finals are next week. Stress and text anxiety are setting in. \o/

Latest reminder that the northern hemisphere is strange when it comes to how they schedule their education.

Heh, that cheered me up too!  I just want to second it.
If they're so pushy, maybe *they're* the insecure ones hm?

Remember that society, pretty much anywhere really, has this huge thing where you NEED to be in a relationship. You NEED to have sex. I often get annoyed about it because people keep going "you're still single/virgin?" when... I actually don't care? I actually get stressed when someone I like to hang out with gets in a relationship and stops spending time with others, because I care way more about that.

[MrRoboto75]

Recently, I had a dream where the whole point (in the sense that a dream can have a plot), was that I had someone to hug.  Not anyone specifically, as there's no one in my life that's actually romance-able.  Just some random girl willing to hug me.

[JoshuaFH]

Sounds like a fkn great dream to me. I have dreams like that every now and again, they're always very memorable dreams.


I've been trying to make the Tinder thing work for a little while now to cure my chronic dicklessness. I had brought this up before, but I had actually deleted that first one out of shame, and waited a couple months for I guess no reason, and now I'm making a more serious go of it. God knows if I make even the smallest, most incremental change in my life its gotta take 5 to 6 months minimum, fucking Christ Josh.

I actually bought an expensive (like a $100 or something) camera to get better pictures of myself than what my phone can take, expressly to get a better picture for Tinder, but I still seem like the least photogenic asshole in existence. I've taken like a couple dozen pictures so far, and no matter what I can't seem to get one that seems appealing. I looked up some pointers, and they continue to stress that a good picture is what makes or breaks your profile, and in fact in might as well be the only worthwhile component to the profile excluding everything else,  so I can't help but feel I'm wasting my time. I've deactivated it for the moment, so I can atleast mull it over and not waste people's potential swipes on me with my shoddy pic that I've used thus far.

God I just feel retarded, especially when I very much feel like this is just a TMI issue, and that it'd be better to not bother people with my love life's continued nonexistence.

[Egan_BW]

I think it is easy to be too critical of your own image. I'd try getting someone you trust to look over the photos you've taken, or to just take pictures of you. A second opinion to help you go over things will make you feel more confident about your final decision.

In truth it's easy advice to give and hard advice to follow, but do try to relax a little. Judging yourself will get you nowhere. You don't really have to be perfect, because nobody is really.

[Kagus]

Fucking fucking dumb fucking shit idiot... I fucked up today, hard. Something so retardedly stupid it shouldn't even... I don't even know how to finish that sentence.

I had a meeting with my current job/career counselor today, where we rehashed a few of the things we go over every time... What am I interested in (don't know, don't have any experience to formulate an opinion from), what am I cut out for, what can be reasonable to expect, that sort of thing.

There was a job listing for a substitute teacher of some kind, no specialization necessary, only real requirement was "some higher education", which is a vague enough statement to potentially be fudged.

This led to him asking some random questions with regards to basic competence and education, for the potential application of teaching young kids.

Started with a little chat about how I could probably teach English due to my command of the language (something I'm historically good at, but I can't substantiate. I know the right things, but I don't know how I know it's right), and after that was a quick question of my experience with math. I basically never got into any level of algebra (effectively just the concept of letters as unknowns/variables), but I at least knew the four most basic operations. "So you know your multiplication tables?" "Sure. Some better than others, obviously, but..." "So, like, 8x7?"

And I fucked up. I tried working it out, 3x7=21, 21+21=42... And I felt I was taking too long, which fucked up my organization of values, and I ended up answering "50" (forgetting which "side" of the equation I was working from).

"Fifty-...?"

Wait, shit, I goofed. Of course there were two eights left over, not just one (I'm not even going to try and show how I reached that conclusion, I don't know and don't really want to).

"58"


This was after he'd gone on kind of a ramble about how it's entirely possible to find something for me, because while I may not have the work experience or certificates of formal education, but if he may be so bold as to make such a statement; he could tell that I was a rather intelligent individual, and that my IQ likely was up there with the best of them.

So, yeah. Showed him, didn't I? Christ... I'm 28 goddamn years old, and I took way too long being way too wrong with 1st grade math. Nearly as humiliating as that time when I was a teenager and my dad pulled a pop quiz to prove that I was still at least partially competent at anything, and I ended up writing a 3 backwards.


The upside to this is that I'll probably remember what 8x7 is for the next couple days... Gotta look at the positives, yeah?

[martinuzz]

Sounds like a fkn great dream to me. I have dreams like that every now and again, they're always very memorable dreams.


I've been trying to make the Tinder thing work for a little while now to cure my chronic dicklessness. I had brought this up before, but I had actually deleted that first one out of shame, and waited a couple months for I guess no reason, and now I'm making a more serious go of it. God knows if I make even the smallest, most incremental change in my life its gotta take 5 to 6 months minimum, fucking Christ Josh.

I actually bought an expensive (like a $100 or something) camera to get better pictures of myself than what my phone can take, expressly to get a better picture for Tinder, but I still seem like the least photogenic asshole in existence. I've taken like a couple dozen pictures so far, and no matter what I can't seem to get one that seems appealing. I looked up some pointers, and they continue to stress that a good picture is what makes or breaks your profile, and in fact in might as well be the only worthwhile component to the profile excluding everything else,  so I can't help but feel I'm wasting my time. I've deactivated it for the moment, so I can atleast mull it over and not waste people's potential swipes on me with my shoddy pic that I've used thus far.

God I just feel retarded, especially when I very much feel like this is just a TMI issue, and that it'd be better to not bother people with my love life's continued nonexistence.

1) Delete your Tinder account. Online superficial fake world is not gonna find you a mate.
2) Go to a pub, dicso, whatever. Dance silly and don't care how it looks, or how you look.
3) wake up with a hangover and someone lying next to you
4) repeat until profit

[Kagus]

As a note, while online dating is pretty awful and full of horrible people, so is the real world.

I've personally been met with things like saying "hi" to someone, and getting "ahaha, no" as my only response.

I've also gotten into a nice conversation with a gal, until she flagged down another couple dudes to flirt with because she wanted to gauge my reaction.

Many times I don't even get a verbal response, just a dirty look and a back turned on me.


People are entirely capable of being assholes in person. It's not "just" going out and getting a ONS, unless you're specifically hip to the skill of doing exactly that. And drinking during rejection can easily compound how much it hurts.

[Spehss _]

I've been trying to make the Tinder thing work for a little while now to cure my chronic dicklessness. I had brought this up before, but I had actually deleted that first one out of shame, and waited a couple months for I guess no reason, and now I'm making a more serious go of it. God knows if I make even the smallest, most incremental change in my life its gotta take 5 to 6 months minimum, fucking Christ Josh.

I actually bought an expensive (like a $100 or something) camera to get better pictures of myself than what my phone can take, expressly to get a better picture for Tinder, but I still seem like the least photogenic asshole in existence. I've taken like a couple dozen pictures so far, and no matter what I can't seem to get one that seems appealing. I looked up some pointers, and they continue to stress that a good picture is what makes or breaks your profile, and in fact in might as well be the only worthwhile component to the profile excluding everything else,  so I can't help but feel I'm wasting my time. I've deactivated it for the moment, so I can atleast mull it over and not waste people's potential swipes on me with my shoddy pic that I've used thus far.

God I just feel retarded, especially when I very much feel like this is just a TMI issue, and that it'd be better to not bother people with my love life's continued nonexistence.

I have minimum personal experience with Tinder, but from what I read of how other people use it, it's more for promiscuous hook up culture than serious dating or relationships. If all someone is looking for is sex, Tinder would probably be great, but otherwise it's trash.

[Kagus]

Tinder is predominantly a get-laid-quick app, yes, which can be quite a boost to your self-image in itself.

Even then though, studies have shown that there are several women using the app who have stated that they have no intentions of ever even meeting the people they match with, and are just in it for the attention and esteem boost of getting matched with/propositioned.


That said, my GF's friend met her fiancee on Tinder, so your mileage may vary.

[JoshuaFH]

I've been trying to make the Tinder thing work for a little while now to cure my chronic dicklessness. I had brought this up before, but I had actually deleted that first one out of shame, and waited a couple months for I guess no reason, and now I'm making a more serious go of it. God knows if I make even the smallest, most incremental change in my life its gotta take 5 to 6 months minimum, fucking Christ Josh.

I actually bought an expensive (like a $100 or something) camera to get better pictures of myself than what my phone can take, expressly to get a better picture for Tinder, but I still seem like the least photogenic asshole in existence. I've taken like a couple dozen pictures so far, and no matter what I can't seem to get one that seems appealing. I looked up some pointers, and they continue to stress that a good picture is what makes or breaks your profile, and in fact in might as well be the only worthwhile component to the profile excluding everything else,  so I can't help but feel I'm wasting my time. I've deactivated it for the moment, so I can atleast mull it over and not waste people's potential swipes on me with my shoddy pic that I've used thus far.

God I just feel retarded, especially when I very much feel like this is just a TMI issue, and that it'd be better to not bother people with my love life's continued nonexistence.

I have minimum personal experience with Tinder, but from what I read of how other people use it, it's more for promiscuous hook up culture than serious dating or relationships. If all someone is looking for is sex, Tinder would probably be great, but otherwise it's trash.

I'm aware of that, I guess you could call this part of my "Jesus Josh stop taking life so seriously, you're killing yourself with your own dire temperament" plan. Though honestly, every free dating website seems to cater to hookup culture, it's honestly just that Tinder seems to be the most shameless and least painful of my options in this regard.

I don't want to say I'm looking for a hookup, but I'm honestly not even looking for a mate, I just want to get out of this rut in my life. I want to destroy the person that I am, and become a new me. That's perhaps far outside of the scope of a stupid app, or the help of any person, I'm just not sure what to do so taking wild guesses and swings in the dark seems to be my best option.

[Kagus]

this rut in my life.

Hrr hrr...