Somehow just about every time I finally scrounge up the energy and persistent recollection of intent to do a bit more on the whole jobs/survival/etc. side of things is also the time folks around me decide it's a good time to dump a few hundred pounds more pressure and stress on the process because it's taken however long it's been to reach that point. It's like the moment I start trying to dig myself out of this fucking hole my body's stuck in, god or whatever sends a signal out to the world saying it's time to start piling extra shit on everything.
Was almost feeling some vague approximation of enthusiastic yesterday/earlier today. Starting to get some stuff squared away, noticed some potential opportunities of interest(/sufficiently minimal requirements I can maybe actually do it as fucked up as am) and didn't forget them within a twelve hour window, etc.
Now I just have what's probably a tension headache from hell with an extra side of exhaustion and loss of appetite. Because no, person, however well intentioned it is what you're hung up on actually doesn't fucking help much these days when your work history is barely existent and shit for your age to boot, and being reminded for that Nth time how fucked the situation is doesn't actually help much. Schooling only goes so far when you have a multi-year gap in employment, next to no experience, and fairly significant capability issues. Also even if you want to help, I've been slowly getting the finance processing dumped on me and know pretty damn exactly the extent that's actually on the table.
Extra bonus points, half the reason this is as much of a mess right now is because I really don't have it in me to split my attention much, and if I focus on that side of things I start sliding on even managing what goddamn little I do (which is some fucking how generally more than everyone else involved that actually has resources/means/etc. that are secure) to keep the other folks here from dying sooner.
It'd be nice if I could figure out how to get help beyond what amounts to temporary shelter and sustenance. Something beyond the empty assurance (followed by little to no actual involvement) that I'm capable of what amounts to hospice care despite no training, no energy, and poor health, on top of getting myself in better shape despite having no resources not gifted (and not nearly enough of those to make headway without asking the gifters to fucking bankrupt themselves) and what consistently ends up being no means to get societal assistance, and securing a future despite the cavalcade of shit that has been much of my life having a damn good go at crippling my ability to do so. Because clearly after as many years as it's been of failing to do any of that, I'm somehow going to manage it going forward despite conditions only getting worse.
... s'just kinda' one of those things. Admitting there's a problem is called the first step, but it doesn't exactly help much where everywhere and every time you look for a step 2 the response roughly equates to "fuck you, maybe call back when you're actually homeless and entirely and visibly crippled".
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9783668 times)