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[Hanslanda]

I appreciate the sentiment mate. I genuinely do. The odd thing is that I often feel like I should have become a soldier cuz I hate being social, love having a regimented schedule and I give zero fucks when things die. Like our dog died awhile back and I was like, 'Eh he was old. Gimme a shovel.'

It's terrible to care so little and be in love cuz I feel I can't give my family the person they need.

[scourge728]

If you ever feel there is no place for you in the world, just go onto deviant art and start searching things related to Pokemon, sonic or MLP

[Descan]

It's not really a "Oh god I don't wanna do that!" kind of thing. It's just that most of the time, I don't *need* to do so while I'm out and about, and the idea of using a public sit-down toilet is just uncomfortable enough the rest of the time that it outweighs anything but the most "oh god I need to go NOW," which I've never experienced while outside of my house.

[Yoink]

Walking home, on my own, at night, it's a li'l bit rainy... tell me, are "loneliness attacks" a thing? Because I feel like I'm having one right now. Gotta be about at least as bad as an anxiety attack, I reckon. </3

Perhaps this is the kind of feeling that causes the "drunk dialling" phenomenon I have heard so much about - but I'm not even drunk. Not really... I mean sure, I had a few drinks earlier but I feel like I sweated all that out. Now I'm just tired, sober and sad.

[EnigmaticHat]

I don't know about that specifically.  Flareups of a specific emotion are definitely a thing.

[Rolan7]

The drainage problem really seemed to be fixed, Friday.  HOA agent cleaned out the yard pipe with acid and a snake over two hours, was fine for two days...  And then bam, toilet overflowed tonight from the dishwasher.

It's starting to seem likely that there's a blockage under the concrete slab foundation.  And I just bet the damn sellers knew about it, but I can't prove that.

With so much else going on, I was really hoping this was over.  I'm so sick of wringing sudsy shitwater from my towels.

[martinuzz]

The drainage problem really seemed to be fixed, Friday.  HOA agent cleaned out the yard pipe with acid and a snake over two hours, was fine for two days...  And then bam, toilet overflowed tonight from the dishwasher.

It's starting to seem likely that there's a blockage under the concrete slab foundation.  And I just bet the damn sellers knew about it, but I can't prove that.

With so much else going on, I was really hoping this was over.  I'm so sick of wringing sudsy shitwater from my towels.

Oww that really sucks. Skeletons in a closet are never fun, even less so if they originate from, and smell like used toilet.

[Arx]

I chatted with a friend for a while earlier this evening. I and a community I help run got him through a tough year last year, but he's moved back to his old school (and away from the difficult situation). It's a good thing for him but it feels kind of bittersweet for me because in a way, it's goodbye; he won't be hanging around the community much, now that he's back with his IRL friends.

At some point in the last couple of weeks, I think I let my grip on my nihilism slip or something, haha. It's bothering me more than usual that I'm in some odd ways an eternal side character in others' lives; always helpful on some level, and I usually have some kind of impact on anyone I spend much time with, but I can't shake the feeling I'll be forgotten in a matter of months or years.

I've never felt quite so affected by my various mental oddities (I have, for all intents and purposes, schizoid personality disorder). When I let my guard down it bothers me that I have no real close relationships, but I reflexively reject intimacy on an almost subconscious level.

On the plus side, in the morning I'll probably have the iron grip on mtself back and won't really care again, but man. Feels a bit like I'm intentionally flattening my affect to numb the pain, and that's no good.

Edit: Oh, and in slightly less existential angst, I swear my limbs are trolling me. A couple days back my left arm felt very slightly numb, like I'd knocked a nerve or something, and today after doing some work with my hands my right thumb has gone on strike and won't cross over my palm properly. It's recovering a little, I think, but it's really bizarre to just have it up and riot on me like that.

[BlackFlyme]

Our animation teacher pretty much said that we're his worst class today. Not directly, but did say it was like the class was just doing their first ever attempt, according to him. He looked at everyone's work individually and more or less just ripped us apart. We got a one week extension, but it's just incredibly demotivational.

[Yoink]

It came to my attention yesterday (or perhaps it was the day before? I'm not sure, time has very little meaning to me) that I seem to be low-key depressed. Perhaps I have been for a while. Kinda lack the enthusiasm to explain it very well right now, but oh well.

Spoiler: This whole post reeks of rambling stupidity. Not recommended reading. (click to show/hide)

Normally by mood lows/depressive episodes/blues are quite obvious and easy to detect, but this time I've actually had a fair few happy moments; last week I was even slightly productive on at least a couple of days, which is sadly a huge accomplishment by my standards. I've been coping alright with my anxiety and not failing too hard at anything in particular as far as I am aware. Uh, forgot where I was going with this.
Anyway, I think I made a conscious decision not to think about the things that were threatening to overwhelm me with sadness a while back in order to prevent my mood from falling through the floor, and after a few days where I was feeling rather strained by the effort of keeping a cheerful front to the world, it seems as though I've become too good at not thinking about things closely.

Now it's hard to figure out how I actually feel about anything. Shit.   
I think I may have let too many bad things pile up in my emotional in-tray without attending to them (via consideration and introspection) and now they are overflowing the tray and flooding down onto the floor around me and whenever I reach down to pick one from the heap a bunch more pages land painfully on top of my hand, and when I try to simply walk away from this clusterfuck and clear my head/wash my hands of it all, at least for a moment, I slip on paper and fall down right back where I started.

Huh what an awful paragraph of awful metaphor. I think... I think maybe I need coffee? No, I had coffee not so long ago. I don't think I'm tired, although perhaps my sleep schedule is a little messed up due to my phone conking out (the alarm still works, though, I just can't set when it fires) and the cat peeing on my doona which I relied on for warmth during these oddly cold nights, but I was feeling this weird feeling of subtle misery long before either of those things happened. Before we even had this cold change weather-wise, too, for that matter.
I have been drinking quite a lot for the past few weeks since I've been home, but I'm not hungover. I'm not even as broke as I have often been lately, so this funk can't be caused just by money issues. Maybe tiredness does play a role, but it's definitely not the only thing.

I'mpretty sure there were more clever things I wanted to say describing how I feel, but I've forgotten them.

Stupid stealth-sads, piling up and ambushing me with their ninja depression.
Feel free to ignore the above spoiler it doesn't really explain anything at all. It's pretty much all just vague, insipid whining without meaning. I'd just been meaning to post some sort of complains in here for a while yet I struggled to work up any real inspiration to do so in a comprehensible manner but still really felt like I should post something, so in the end I just barfed up some rambly word salad and called it a day.

I think I might go buy some comfort food from the supermarket. Oh and perhaps some lunch stuff for tomorrow... ugh. Work.
Hopefully I don't feel anywhere near this shit in the morning, otherwise I dunno how I'll cope with that.   


Edit: Did I mention that I've been feeling the urge to listen to pop-punk? Yeah. That can hardly be a good sign.   

[Trekkin]

Are you allowed to use R, greatorder? Rstudio is overkill for this sort of thing but it is at least straightforward to do.

[Rolan7]

The drainage problem really seemed to be fixed, Friday.  HOA agent cleaned out the yard pipe with acid and a snake over two hours, was fine for two days...  And then bam, toilet overflowed tonight from the dishwasher.

It's starting to seem likely that there's a blockage under the concrete slab foundation.  And I just bet the damn sellers knew about it, but I can't prove that.

With so much else going on, I was really hoping this was over.  I'm so sick of wringing sudsy shitwater from my towels.

Oww that really sucks. Skeletons in a closet are never fun, even less so if they originate from, and smell like used toilet.

False alarm, sorta!  We (me and the HOA guy) isolated the blockage today - it's definitely in the yard, between my unit and the next!  Not under concrete!

Which explains why it was fine for a few days, then suddenly we couldn't even flush once...  The units "upstream" of us must have used more water that day.  In theory they could have overflowed our toilet even if we used no water, except I think there's a one-way gate at some point to prevent that.

Anyway, just wanted to share the fortunate news, particularly since I cast false aspersions heh.
I mean, it's still mostly blocked, but it could be a lot worse...  And we sent more acid down, so it might be okay tomorrow.  Making progress.

[Spehss _]

My mom has bad anxiety. Real bad. She's been fine for a while, but then she got an allergic reaction to something, had itchy hives crop up all over her, and got prescribed a medication to treat it. Said medication can have side effects such as mood swings, anxiety, and paranoia.

So she was utterly flipping out for several days, and got so bad at one point that there was no way we could continue to care for her and took her to a "treatment center", with the goal that she'd stay there for about a week as the meds wear off.

She's back out today. Still mostly an anxious wreck. Not as bad as she was but still bad, and with the bonus that now she cries about being afraid of getting "put away in the loony bin" again.

[JoshuaFH]

God I just feel so sick with myself. I'm just chugging along, and I'm doing great, but then I like, just psychologically trip, and I feel like I have to just curl up and die. I told my friend a year ago that I always feel like I'm in a state of having to rethink my life, and that's still true to this day.

Why does everything have to be so hard? I still feel like I'm stuck, I look in the mirror and I'm still a child when I'm 28 yrs old, that there's no place for me to advance to, nothing for me to achieve, that all victories are lost, and all losses are regained, so that I'm trapped in a status quo that I can't get out of. Anyone outside my life looking in would wonder what the deal is with me, just wiling my days away in the squalor of my apartment doing useless things and dreaming of stupid shit that I'm sure everyone else takes for granted. I stopped therapy a few months ago, and although I came out of it happy at the time, I'm honestly not sure how much it helped me.

I don't have anybody to blame but myself.

[Urist McScoopbeard]

My Great Aunt just passed away... pretty unexpectedly, just very sad right now.