My marriage is falling apart and I don't know what to do.
Hi Japa. Have you said that to her?
As far as she's concerned, it's already over.
If this isn't what you want don't listen to me. But sometimes things don't work out. If you're OK with it, one of the options here is "go through with the divorce." Again, if that's not what you need to hear forget I said anything.
I got a letter saying my income support is being stopped, so I had a 24 hour day of flight response and hid in my bathroom. I had probably four panic attacks that day too... I'll probably call and beg once I'm too exhausted to worry, it's how I normally deal with phone calls.
I'd just die, but I don't want to inconvenience anyone and I haven't exactly had a good track record with that so far. I mean, it would be two weeks before anyone would notice, and even then only because I'm required to have weekly meetings to be allowed to stay in my apartment.
I'm very lonely, but I guess I'm just too scary/creepy/weird to want to be friends with. Idk. And I don't know where to start to fix anything. I can't exactly ask anyone. 
And the constant crushing depression is so hard and nothing's helped and I'm seriously considering taking up drinking or hard drugs. I'm just... so tired. Worn out. Run down. I just need a break. Some kind of rest. Anything.
You aren't an inconvenience. You're a lovely person and you are as valuable as everyone else.
There's a lot of people on the internet you can ask about things. And people in RL might listen, if you phrase it right. What I've learned about people in meatspace is that they resent it if you drop all your problems on them at once. The best way is to focus on a specific problem and present it as "this is what's going on in my life" instead of "oh god everything is awful", even if that's how you feel. But you have to invest some time into a friendship before you get on sharing terms, so... probably not a solution in the short term.
I don't know what to say about the income support. I've never been there but it sounds awful. All I'll say is that you aren't nearly the only person in that situation, and there are plenty of ways to get there that don't particularly involve messing up.
You fix your life one step at a time, every little thing that you improve makes everything else better. That being said, the core problem here isn't you or your habits, its the depression and/or anxiety. You can be as determined as you want and make all the good decisions in the world and that won't vanish*. I'm also going to give you the obligatory "see a doctor, get antidepressants" advice that you're probably tired of hearing. They worked for me, and a good family doctor/general practitioner should be able to prescribe them during an ordinary checkup without you needing to see an expensive psychiatrist. It can take a while (and thus a good chunk of change) to find an antidepressant that works and wait for it to kick in, but trust me when I say that being unmedicated costs you more money than being medicated. I'm working less than full time and I still would have burned out on my current job 6 months ago if I wasn't medicated.
*side note: sometimes depression does actually just vanish. For some people it comes and goes every few months, some people it comes once and goes once and never comes back. But it sounds like you might have one of the long term kinds?
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9790087 times)