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[ChairmanPoo]

What the hell is a man cave

[martinuzz]

Inb4 genderneutral man caves

[Reelya]

What the hell is a man cave

It's basically when you have a wife who doesn't like you having hobbies, so she cedes the smallest room in the house to you and makes you put all your gaming stuff, computers, music and posters etc in there. e.g. when you stupidly didn't marry a geek girl.

So you married a boring normie girl who won't let you decorate cool shit in the house ... she "lets" you cram an oversized closet full of it, then disparagingly refers to you and your lame "man cave".

Another term for the stuff in a man-cave is "the stuff you used to have in your house when you were single".

(btw the "solution" to this problem that was outlined in the article was to completely abolish the man's personal space in the house, while creating special "man sheds" outside the house which are designated social zones for doing "man stuff").

[ChairmanPoo]

Can't you passive aggressively ignore each other like couples have done for centuries?

I mean, the concept sounds weird and alienating.  Even after you clarified it wasnt about man-cave fisting, it still sounded weird and alienating

[scriver]

(btw the "solution" to this problem that was outlined in the article was to completely abolish the man's personal space in the house, while creating special "man sheds" outside the house which are designated social zones for doing "man stuff").

No, it was not. You are exaggerating the piece way out of proportion to anything it actually said or even hinted at.

a boring normie girl

 

[Reelya]

I'm not ... that's what the article says is the solution, to remove the specific space the house and replace it with a social space ... share by multiple men ... somewhere else. The "man shed" is not a room in your house where you put stuff, that's the point of it.

The goal is to remove the "man" space and move that out of the house. Where is the guy's stuff going to go if it doesn't have a room for it. Abolishing the "man cave" doesn't magically mean that stuff in there is now welcome in the rest of the house. Where are you supposed to then put your stuff? The entire existence of something that can be called a "man cave" is 100% because your stuff wasn't welcome outside it.

The article questions the need for somewhere to put it, but doesn't take that to the next logical step, which would be to explain exactly how that stuff could fit into the rest of the house, if the entire reason it was crammed into the room was because someone else wouldn't let you have that stuff out. It only says "abolish the space" and that's as deep as it goes.

[ChairmanPoo]

Its not like any of this is a law.  If you cannot live with your wife, consider getting a divorce. Most people, normal people, dont reach this kind of extremes in in-house segregation

[Reelya]

Of course they don't: most couples have a better balance than that. But they're just totally misdiagnosing the causes and cure for when it does get to this level. People don't cram their entire life's shit into one room if they can help it. It's not a symptom of "privilege" as the article claims.

a boring normie girl

 

You've clearly never had the "pleasure" of living with a bitchy girl who doesn't like you playing video games or playing guitar, or gets the shits about you having hobbies and e.g. reading books, because you're not "paying attention" to her, like constantly. It's a thing: While I've never been married, I can see how this man cave shit starts, because I've dated boring normie girls who want to stamp out your hobbies so that you won't have any focus except them.

Basically if you are a gamer (or any hobby really) and you are dating a girl who dislikes gaming/said hobby and makes a lot of dismissive or disparaging remarks about it, run for the hills. You'll end up in the apocrphal "man cave" scenario for sure if you persist: you might think you can negotiate that but you're fooling youself: if the woman is willing to openly complain about your hobbies while dating, she's probably the type who is willing to make you shove that shit into some side-room when you're living together.

[scriver]

boring normie girls

 

[Rolan7]

Lyckliga gatan, den finns inte mer

Thank you, that was a comforting mix of pretty and melancholy.  Just what I was looking for (the translated lyrics, too).

[ECrownofFire]

It's over.

[Silverthrone]

Personally, I think that a truly equal household would contain two dens, a His & Hers solution. It is nice to have a personal space to retreat to, particularly to pursue interests that the other party might not be interested in. Of course, if there is no basic tolerance for His model aeroplane tinkering, or for her novel writing, then the household is jolly well buckling on poor foundations as it is.

Just because you are having a joint household together, does not mean that you will, or should, osmosis together into a united whole on every front. A husband and wife will always remain two different individuals, but closely together. Being blind to that fact will simply create a bubble of resentment and anger that will do much more damage to the relationship than any of His guitar practice, or any of Her pottery, could ever hope to do.
The lady of the household tends to be in control of its appearance, and that is one of the main reason for there being some sort of man-reservation. If that is a mutual agreement, one that is not a source of resentment but simply how the household is divided as suits both, it is not a problem. It is, however, a problem when the well-being of the husband (or wife) is less important than the décor and ambience of the house. Further, if it is so appaling that the significant other wants some time on their own, then I dare state that the relationship is not in very good health as it is, and taking away His stupid model railway, or Her stupid knitwork, by annexing the space they are done in, will not accomplish anything. It will not remove a time-sink and tie them closer together again, but will strengthen the want and need to get away from it all.

I belted the ravings above out because it does make be rather sad and angry that basic tolerance for another individual's fancies and interests is so often portrayed as optional in marriage and relationships...

[martinuzz]

I miss the good old days were the purpose of the man cave was simply one of child safety, to prevent little fingers from being sawed off by electric saws and such. Why everything has to be turned into a battle of the sexes nowadays, I cannot fathom.

[ChairmanPoo]

I miss the good old days were the purpose of the man cave was simply one of general safety ie: not being eaten by sabertooth tigers

[Fniff]

It's over.

What is?