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[martinuzz]

Bad meds. Talk to doctor about switching to other meds that don't act like meth.

[MetalSlimeHunt]

I'm also in the 4am club at the moment, it's great. I'd say my screens make it worse, but frankly when I did the whole pitch darkness thing there were just a lot of nights where I sat waiting for sleep for seven hours. At least this is less boring.

[misko27]

Bad meds. Talk to doctor about switching to other meds that don't act like meth.

That sounds counter-productive to my purposes. Generally, I want my amphetamines to act like amphetamines.

Yeah. The meds are Adderall. A decent size dose, too (all legally prescribed). I've been taking them for...  over a decade now, so if there was any risks or anything I think they probably would have shown themselves. Anyway I'm not complaining about my meds. Jokes aside, without my meds yesterday (two days ago, now) I would have been absolutely dead. And I had a test, so that wasn't an option.

My problems are not so much my meds, or how I take them, but rather the fact that I'm staying up and not working or sleeping, and thus leaning on my meds instead of actually getting sleep. Why am I up? I might say that my experience has taught me of certain causes for staying up like this, but I can discern no reasons.

[apiks]

Misko, my man. The problem isn't in you or anything like that. It's more likely the dose of the meds. High doses of Adderall or any other stimulants (including coffee) do cause anxiety, personality problems and sleeplesness.

If you really want to sleep then I would suggest either getting the sleeping aid Melatonin (use only when it's dark outside. It does wonders for me), which helps getting relaxed and drowsy (start with 1 mg if you can, or 3. The more you take does not change the effect, unless you have a tolerance built up.)

Alternatively use L-Theanine. It alleviates some negative symptoms of stimulants (like anxiety or jitters or any other thing that makes you fast-paced) and relaxes you. When I used amphetamines for my own issues it, L-Theanine even let me fall asleep while on them.

The absolute best advice I or anybody else in this thread can provide though, is that if you have a problem that seriously impedes your life and/or your quality of life, go get it checked out with a medical professional and make it clear that it's causing issues for you. As a rule of thumb, if you think it lowers your quality of life, try to fix it. (Chronic cold hands, chronic headaches, serious medical problems and even personality issues fall under this umbrella.)

[Kot]

Speaking of medical conditions, since I am slowly taken off medication, my skin is again horrendously itchy, hot, and I saw first signs of shedding. Stuck between the hammer and an anvil, eh?

[Tiruin]

Got supports there for ya in the meantime either way? (eg University has student services in general) :O That'll help with the possible persistence of anything you'd feel that may disrupt your daily lifestyle.

[Emma]

@Gamedragon: *hugs*

Talk to her.  Call her, do something.

With that said, you are neither stupid, worthless, ugly, nor broken.

My stupid brain tells me that that sentence is false. Still, I guess I can send an email to my mother. There's not much she can do if she dislikes me or thinks I'm a freak while I'm in a different country, right?

Speaking of medical conditions, since I am slowly taken off medication, my skin is again horrendously itchy, hot, and I saw first signs of shedding. Stuck between the hammer and an anvil, eh?

Saying that you don't deserve any of this is dumb because bad things don't happen to people because they deserve it, they just happen. But you don't deserve any of what's happening to you. 

[Tiruin]

Then it'll be getting CBT stuff sorted so that when I go back I don't suffer another emotional break.

Yay self-affirmation and other processes :3
Wish you well there though :O Is the leaving already settled in paper or are there other supports you can reach out to in your uni in the meantime to adjust that decision?

[BlackHeartKabal]

Methods I've tried to go to sleep at night and keep awake in the morning-
Blast myself with 100% brightness electronic stuff during the day
sleeping pills at night
drinking hot and cold stuff to keep awake
picking at face when I get tired
catch naps whenever I can during the day

and look at that, barely anything works, I doze off when my face isn't forced to stare at a screen, everything I drink barely has any effect on me, my face is full of open wounds, and I'm apparently not allowed to nap during the day, and I'm nearly at the point where I want to physically assault the next person who wakes me up during the day when the average time I actually sleep at night begins around 2 - 4 AM, I have to do chores and schoolwork and I have to do it perfectly, why can't I even sleep to do it

[TheBiggerFish]

Try reading a little before you go to bed at night.  Preferably, out of a hardcopy book.

[BlackHeartKabal]

As I guessed today was shit, why am I waking up in the morning and why am I even trying in school if I can't even fix my sleep schedule, I should just quit...

[Shook]

So a guy i know online recently delivered an utterly tearjerking message. Out of respect for him i won't divulge any further information, but it wasn't about suicide.

This also reminds me that i don't think my empathy is quite right. I know it's a situation that would completely devastate me, and yet... I don't actually feel much unless i remind myself of the gravity of the situation. Maybe it's because i'm not personally affected though, i don't know. It's not the first time i've had a hard time putting myself in others' shoes though, my brother in particular has had to deal with that a lot. Fuckin' brain. >.>

[BFEL]

Saw a new doctor today cuz the old one I had fled the state.

New doctor tried to push drugs on me.
And not just any drugs, oh no. 12 thousand dollar drugs that you can't stop taking after you start and that you need to take every week, for life.

I have the disease that they're used to treat, but have none of the symptoms the disease causes and have been holding steady right above the suggested level for taking them, but this new dipshit wants to "err on the side of caution"

Yeah, lets "err on the side of caution" and rush into a lifelong decision that will kill me if anything changes with my health insurance. That's so fucking cautious you goddamn HACK

[Sirus]

Fled...the state? Jeez, what happened there?

[BFEL]

Oh lol
He just moved/retired.

I worded it silly.
Sorry bout that.