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[Solifuge]

All these people showing up here again recently has left me wondering if people here would remember me if I went away. I have been here for a long while now, have I left a mark at all?

That's a silly thing to beat yourself up about, even if I've thought the same thing a few times over the years.

You can't genuinely please people when you're just trying to please people. Focus on being someone that You like, and strive to be more of that person every day. You'll inevitably make an impact in the lives of people who see you for who you are, and who appreciate that. And you'll better yourself in the process! Win win.

[TempAcc]

In a rare tempsads, argued with my mom yesterday about a certain (rather trivial and expected) judicial issue of my brother's. Look woman, I'm sorry I was kinda rude, but I tried to explain the nuances of the whole situation to you thrice and you still insisted in asserting your own thoughts on the matter. This isn't a feels issue, its a little more technical than that.

[i2amroy]

*hugs*
If only I could transfer some of my unreasonably huge reservoir of happiness towards all of you... sadly, the day when we can send emotions over Internet has not arrived yet.

We clearly can transmit emotions over internet : 01100010 00101101 01100010 00101101 01100010 01100001 01101011 01100001

Okay this was a pretty bad day that I was considering positing about before sticking this post into a binary->ascii translator, but you just made it so much better after some actual laughing aloud. Thanks.

[Helgoland]

All these people showing up here again recently has left me wondering if people here would remember me if I went away. I have been here for a long while now, have I left a mark at all?

I sure would - you've been a pain in me arse sufficiently often.

That's how I know my absence would be noticed: scriver would get pissed less often

[TD1]

Your absence would definitely be noticed. Of all of us, you're most certainly the one who's left the biggest marx.

[TheBiggerFish]

@Caroline:I know I would.

[Sergarr]

I don't know whether people would remember me well if I left. I never really do much of anything outside the emotion threads.

Uh, I think it was you who said stuff about Honduras having the highest murder rate of all countries in the world and every house having to have a 3m high electrified fence just to keep the murderers out, right? Don't know whenever that's "well", but that's, uh, something?

[TD1]

Given how nice you tend to be to others, it'd be hard to forget ya tbf.

[birdy51]

We don't really ever correspond, even in passing, but I don't think I would forget you. Mostly because I want to see you succeed and blossom into an even greater human being. You're an extraordinary individual and the forums would be cheaper in your absence.

[TheBiggerFish]

I don't think I would forget you. Mostly because I want to see you succeed and blossom into an even greater human being. You're an extraordinary individual and the forums would be cheaper in your absence.

Seriously.  This, all of this.

[IronTomato]

welp it's been a good 3 years and death honestly still seems like a more appealing option than attempting to get my life to go even remotely in the direction I want it to. I've been applying to college hoping to get a degree in engineering but my GPA is like 2.3 and it just keeps reminding me how pointless it is to even try.

Naturally my parents have done absolutely nothing to help me apply or make any remote attempt to help me not feel like shit, as usual, which doesn't help.

[Solifuge]

Spoiler:  at this point, I'm just tired of having to write these out (click to show/hide)

Today I fucked up again.

My mom was angry at me at yet another thing she "discovered" that I hadn't exactly kept a secret. I was growing really tired of this because I always try to explain things well but my parents always jump to conclusions and things and then their not listening leads to them getting angry at me when they find out what I actually meant, although this may have been a case where it was my fault, I communicated what I wanted to say in the wrong way.

Anyways, I was really frustrated, and I told her to "stop getting angry at me because you can't understand". It was a really, really stupid thing to say and I have no idea where it came from, but the point is my mom got pissed as hell. She started shouting, then tried to punch me, then to start slapping me, and I reflexively started covering my face. She didn't really physically hurt me (she hasn't really been able to for years by now, I presume) but it doesn't really matter because she's already conditioned a response. I was scared as hell--struggling to breath and with my voice failing me, which is something I'd only experienced in nightmares before.

Anyways, you get the deal--apparently I'm an egotistic smartass asshole prick piece of shit who was so fucking audacious as to even try to implicitly insult her, the beacon of honesty and purity or whatever, when everything is clearly my fault.

*sigh*

What pisses me off the most is that my mom and dad literally sit me down and insult me for hours on end to just insult me and rant at me, then afterwards they make fun of me for being so 'mopey' and start joking about all my failures and flaws and stupid things I've done, because it is literally all just a joke to them. But the second you even accidentally imply something or make even the smallest joke at her expense? You're the literal spawn of Satan.

Anyways, I'm over it now since it only happened in the morning, but I still feel some necessity to keep posting these rants.

It's absolutely not right that your parents treat you like this. From what you've shared, it's easy to see that they're abusers and dysfunctional people; I'm positive they'd get a Borderline Personality diagnosis from a professional at this point too. In any case, they're the ones who are sick, but you're suffering for it anyway. I'm really sorry that they hurt you like this, and sorry that I can't do more to help other than offer support and advice.

Hang in there, hon. You'll get out of there, and things will get better.

[TheBiggerFish]

@IronTomato:I can't promise I'll be very helpful, but if you want what help I can give, I'll offer.

[Mephansteras]

I've been applying to college hoping to get a degree in engineering but my GPA is like 2.3 and it just keeps reminding me how pointless it is to even try.

Not pointless, you may just need to try a different track to get there. My ex-wife didn't have good scores in high school and went into the marine corps right afterwords. There she became a mechanic, and after years of hands-on experience working on engines she was able to go to college and get an engineering degree.

Not saying you need to join the military to do that, but maybe try a vocational school or the like. Learn welding, car mechanics, electrical, or whatever. It may take longer to get where you want to go but you'll learn a lot of very practical skills in the meantime, have a trade that makes good money, and puts you on a solid track to engineering if that is where you ultimately want to go.

[tonnot98]

Spoiler:  at this point, I'm just tired of having to write these out (click to show/hide)

this be makin' me angry

CPS is always an option, though it's rarely an appealing one. No one should be forced to go through this kind of emotional, nearing physical abuse. My suggestion is to find the fastest way out of that house. Maybe you have a friend that's willing to help?

Anyway, I hope you find yourself a good solution, because it sounds like it can only get worse by staying there. *hugs* all around.