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[x2yzh9]

Hugs to everyone here.

And misko it's a hard thing. Because when you go into the appointment you have to be clear, sincere and let go of the fear that's holding you back. Be honest about the problems you face and how they work and don't work for you. Getting to the bottom line is something most people never do but when you do it is so important and helpful to your doctor's to just be open about it. I had to do just that myself

[TheBiggerFish]

Misko, if you're not talking to your doctor, they cannot help you.

You need to be honest about the problems you're facing, otherwise you'll not get solutions.

And if a friend of yours says something you think fits, write it down and bring it in.

[Tiruin]

[...]And I'm used to hiding my problems so I can keep getting my medicine and not be marked down in some book as either a potential drug addict or "mentally unstable, consider hospitalization", so asking for changes in my meds is a loaded topic and I never press the issue whenever the prescriber is reluctant.

Um...what's the connection between the idea of being a drug addict and medication related to mental health? Those medications are designed to aid you biologically with the symptoms you feel. And hiding your own problems will just hurt you in the long-run because of hiding from those impressions rather than seeing if they're true, valid, reasonable, or logical (and most especially: applicable).

[TheBiggerFish]

[...]And I'm used to hiding my problems so I can keep getting my medicine and not be marked down in some book as either a potential drug addict or "mentally unstable, consider hospitalization", so asking for changes in my meds is a loaded topic and I never press the issue whenever the prescriber is reluctant.

Um...what's the connection between the idea of being a drug addict and medication related to mental health? Those medications are designed to aid you biologically with the symptoms you feel. And hiding your own problems will just hurt you in the long-run because of hiding from those impressions rather than seeing if they're true, valid, reasonable, or logical (and most especially: applicable).

Um, yeah.  Pretty much this...

[Caz]

TFW your ally abandons you and a giant imp is going to electroshock you to death

[TherosPherae]

I'm in my early 20s. I don't exactly know any grief counselors or anything like that. Didn't expect to need that kind of service, and I've heard (and dealt) way too much with bad counselors of other varieties to deal with a shitty one, especially right now. But maybe I can ask around and get a referral or something, see what comes up.

[TheBiggerFish]

@Caroline: O_O that's cool!

Racism sucks though.

[Rolan7]

[misko27]

Because when you go into the appointment you have to be clear, sincere and let go of the fear that's holding you back. Be honest about the problems you face and how they work and don't work for you. Getting to the bottom line is something most people never do but when you do it is so important and helpful to your doctor's to just be open about it. I had to do just that myself

Misko, if you're not talking to your doctor, they cannot help you.

You need to be honest about the problems you're facing, otherwise you'll not get solutions.

And hiding your own problems will just hurt you in the long-run because of hiding from those impressions rather than seeing if they're true, valid, reasonable, or logical (and most especially: applicable).

I guess the issue is I don't trust mental health professionals to help even when I am honest, so why be honest? I've been burned before... I have neither the naivete about the intentions of mental health professionals, nor the trust that they genuinely want to make me better, to be honest with them. The mere fact that someone is supposed to help me does not make me trust them. In fact, all of the figures in my life who were supposed to "help" have done anything but. Therapists, Principals, teachers, mandated reporters, Children's Services, the police, the courts... The system failed me. In every possible way it failed me.

I'm not lying to my therapist. But I am not telling her the whole truth because, honestly, putting aside everything else (and it's a LOT), who has the time? I've wasted the entirety of my time with certain therapists just trying to explain the issues and still getting nowhere.  I have maybe three sessions left with my current one before I've got to find a new outlet; then what? Might as well try to deal with the more immediate issues than grope at the inscrutable ones that consume my life.

Um...what's the connection between the idea of being a drug addict and medication related to mental health?

Adderall. 40 mg worth, everyday It's the only thing between me and complete non-functionality. It's also a favorite of drug abusers everywhere (and very popular in my high school, incidentally), so if I have an interest in continuing to take it I have to be careful. I'm not addicted; I've been off of it for months (insurance shenanigans) and not felt anything unusual.

Besides, what do I say? Just announce I've been misleading them, that the situation is far worse than they understand? That I can't remember a time in my life since age 13 or so when I wasn't depressed in some manner? but blah. i'm taking up too much of this thread anyway.

[Tiruin]

I guess the issue is I don't trust mental health professionals to help even when I am honest, so why be honest?[...]

Because of that trust, in all actuality. While trust is delicate--it shouldn't be defined by the first acting people who gave you a really bad impression that they seemingly become representatives of the whole medical field. There's a thing called avoidance behavior--and it harms the person more than helps them when they avoid being open because of what had happened earlier in impression.

Why not be honest is the better question to ask--questioning the virtue of honesty won't get a direct or exact answer as to why you may be possibly doing all that. :O

Besides, what do I say?

Open up gradually rather than keeping ideas in.

[misko27]

I guess the issue is I don't trust mental health professionals to help even when I am honest, so why be honest?[...]

Because of that trust, in all actuality. While trust is delicate--it shouldn't be defined by the first acting people who gave you a really bad impression that they seemingly become representatives of the whole medical field.

Ok well let me a little more specific and say that the only mental professional I've spoken to who has actually genuinely improved my life was a friend of my family's, seeing me strictly in a friendly sense, and a celebrity forensic psychiatrist by trade. Other then that I have dealt with over a dozen professionals, from different institutions and at different stages of my life, and none of them that I've seen has helped me with the bigger issues in my life. is all of that my fault? yes. I blame little 8-yr old misko the most: harangued by his mother to say very specific things that he found uncomfortable, but he agreed to because he knew that it was for an important reason, and he didn't his father would continue to do bad things. He didn't want to let that happen. So he had to stay strong and repeat after his mother, and that's where I first learned that what I *thought* was supposed to do (be honest to therapists) conflicted with what I should actually do (treat them like cops, or lawyers: be polite and courteous and tell them what they need to know, but volunteer nothing).

There's a thing called avoidance behavior--and it harms the person more than helps them when they avoid being open because of what had happened earlier in impression.

sigh. yes, yes I know. I've been lectured on the theory of this before. If theory was all I needed to convince myself of something I'd be on top of my life right now. My mother had two great failings, and that was one of them: Unable to understand that awareness of a fact is not a substitute for action. She just didn't understand that there could possibly be a disconnect in someone's head what they think they should do, and what they are actually doing. To this day, whenever you do something she doesn't like, she lectures you in a very roundabout way; not about the specific thing you need to do better, but about GRAND PRINCIPLES that lead to the actions involved. Well now I'm a master of principles. I know what to do in principle in almost every situation! It's not enough.

Why not be honest is the better question to ask--questioning the virtue of honesty won't get a direct or exact answer as to why you may be possibly doing all that. :O

If I'm really honest I know all of you are absolutely right. I'm completely aware of this. I'm just arguing that it makes no difference. I seek to explain causes where I can't change results. I don't control myself. i can't make a decision and stick to it. if I could do that I would have no problems at all!  I know quite well that being direct and honest with a therapist is the best way to handle my problems, and if there was a way to do that abstractly, I'd be fine. But if I could just be honest and direct and forward and all the other stuff I need to do to fix myself, I wouldn't have anything to fix. But how am I supposed to fix the problem of fixing problems? How am I supposed to, say, get help about the fact that I'm scared of mental health workers and the damage they can do to me... to a mental health worker I'm scared of? how am I supposed to be motivated to fix my motivation? How can I want to get better when I don't want to wake up? what did I do so wrong to end up like this...

But for the sake of argument: You want one good reason not to be honest? I don't want to be labeled a suicide risk. More broadly: I believe mental health professionals consider some things more important than the privacy of the client-patient bond. Specifically, the one thing every single physician I've had since I turned 13 has told me: "I will keep everything we say here secret, provided I don't believe you are a risk to yourself or others." Boom. So now if me. therapist thinks I happen to look a little too much like columbine for his tastes, it's not him who has to deal with the consequences, its me. I would never hurt anyone else, I'm too scared to seriously consider killing myself (and non-lethal self-harm has no appeal to me; I hate pain). But if even one person I talk to thinks otherwise, I've got all sorts of shit on my plate I didn't have before, and I will always be on the books as a potential nutter. God forbid I wanted to become a doctor or lawyer then... And if I wasn't talking about depression and the fact that I'm suicidal, this would be no problem. But I am. So here I am.

Besides, what do I say?

Open up gradually rather than keeping ideas in.

"I want to kill myself. I hate myself immensely, and I cannot remember a single time in my life that I was truly happy. I have depression, anxiety, and ADHD, and unless all three are supressed my life continually spirals into crisis and failure. I don't enjoy any activity, I cannot keep friends, I have no goals in life but to avoid pain, and I don't think I will ever be happy. You doubt me! You say 'Lots of people think that way'. Well, a lot of people kill themselves too. Maybe they know something you don't."

I'm sorry I seem like I'm attacking the profession. I don't mean to. I don't have a grudge against them or anything (the only profession I genuinely have strong antipathy for is people who work in children's services). I just don't believe they've helped me personally, and at times I strongly doubt they can

[TheBiggerFish]

Misko:If you want to be a doctor or lawyer, you can be a doctor or lawyer.  Having had depression, or having depression, has nothing to do with that.

I'll send you some other stuff.

*hugs*

[George_Chickens]

It just occurred to me that an old internet friend of mine is now heavily addicted to crack. It's terrible how far people can fall in the space of a few years.

[Tiruin]

I'm sorry I seem like I'm attacking the profession. I don't mean to. I don't have a grudge against them or anything (the only profession I genuinely have strong antipathy for is people who work in children's services). I just don't believe they've helped me personally, and at times I strongly doubt they can

OK let's PM dis :3
Because a big thing to note is that every professional also is different, inasmuch as Psychology is eclectic in nature towards service (ie movement towards customization towards the person's concerns and facing them)
And nope--never came across like that to me. Your concerns are understandable :O

[Yoink]

Just 'cause I'm an alcoholic doesn't mean I have a supply of high proof, cleaning-grade liquor on hand.
I doubt pouring this cheap swill I'm drinking into the sea of pus that is my knee would help matters much... 

Oh shit, sorry didn't mean it that way.  It was just curiosity as to whether alcohol was actually effective as a disinfectant.

Whoah whoah whoah calm down, I wasn't offended. That was a joke, didn't you see the tongue smiley?!

Anyway, in regards to my infection, I wound up going to a clinic today.
Not because it was getting worse or I was feeling feverish or gave up on treating it or anything (I think it was healing, slowly), just because I needed a medical certificate to explain why I missed one of the ceaseless bullshit appointments the employment agency is always setting me. Ugh. So that meant removing the dressing (well, protective enclosure, not an actual dressing) from my tortured leg and cramming it into some jeans before heading down (fortunately I had someone to drive me) down to the clinic after raging and panicking for a while over the soul-crushing unfairness of it all, naturally.

Much embarrassment and a not-inconsiderable amount of pain followed, but y'know, it's sorted now. I started describing the actual procedure involved but it seemed kinda boring. On antioxidants now with most of the scabs and (hopefully) all of the bad bits snipped 'n' plucked from the wound and a pad and bandage over the same thing.
Have to go back on Friday, but oh well at least I'm not having to look after it myself now.

I repeatedly typo'd "bandage" as "pandage," is that funny or what? Ha.    


Edit: I was going to post most of this in the "Things that made you feel Better today" thread, but I wound up responding to something in here and besides, on the whole I feel Saddened by the whole situation, still. Just less likely to lose a leg to my feeble efforts at treating the infection.