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[Emma]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

No wonder I have something that resembles some sort of depression when I'm surrounded by people who constantly tell me that in worthless. I hope that when I reach 18 I can leave these cunts behind because they're toxic and fucking with my head constantly. No wonder I want to kill myself when my life seems to consist of an endless gamut of people lining up criticising every single aspect of my being. Fuck I think I might just kill myself just to see if I can make any of them feel slightly bad about themselves. Yes, spite suicide I feel bad when I see how far I've fallen.

I hate how petty I am.

[BorkBorkGoesTheCode]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I wouldn't recommend killing yourself.

[BorkBorkGoesTheCode]

GameDragon:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

If you must choose between suicide, living with toxic people, and leaving toxic people, leave the toxic people. Who are they anyway?

[Emma]

GameDragon:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

If you must choose between suicide, living with toxic people, and leaving toxic people, leave the toxic people. Who are they anyway?

Just people. And they aren't my only options I'm just too edgy to think of anything else.

[miauw62]

things with my crush are slow, which sorta frustrates me but there isn't really anything i can do :c

[Spehss _]

I hate everything. Hate everything I do, everything other people do, everything I don't do or can't do, everything. Nothing makes me happy, nothing fills this emptiness in my life, and I have no goals to aim for, no idea what to do with myself, no idea where to go, or why I should even bother.

[MaximumZero]

things with my crush are slow, which sorta frustrates me but there isn't really anything i can do :c

You could be me instead. Protip: Don't be me.

[Shook]

I hate everything. Hate everything I do, everything other people do, everything I don't do or can't do, everything. Nothing makes me happy, nothing fills this emptiness in my life, and I have no goals to aim for, no idea what to do with myself, no idea where to go, or why I should even bother.

psup

Lemme tell you why: Because this life is the one chance you get in this world. Because the depression will pass, and you will know joy in your life again. I am pretty much exactly as clueless as you, and i've found that if i don't at least try to do something, i'll sink into a hole, and FAST. If you don't know where to go, pick a direction at random. Perhaps you'll find that that direction sucks, but hey, now you know. I don't consider my years spent at uni without finishing a degree to be wasted; after all, i've still learned things, met new people, and i've learned that these aren't the right paths for me. If nothing else, you can at least end up on the right path through elimination and/or trial and error.

GameDragon:

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

If you must choose between suicide, living with toxic people, and leaving toxic people, leave the toxic people. Who are they anyway?

Just people. And they aren't my only options I'm just too edgy to think of anything else.

BEHEHEH, I THINK YOU ARE WORTHFUL

...

Well, the opposite of worthless. Valuable? I mean, you're young and full of potential, and you have, in spite of what seems like a pretty severe depression, the presence of mind to recognize that the problem isn't yourself. The big problem with spite suicide is that on top of you, y'know, DYING, you won't be around to see their faces. A much better way to spite and embarrass them is to prove them wrong. You get to survive, and you get to drink their tears. Delicious, salty tears.

[WillowLuman]

Accidentally took Adderall alongside bedtime meds, tried to induce vomiting to avoid sleepless night. Wound up indeed vomiting and almost passing out choking on it, but no pills were ejected. School in the morning and I don't think sleep is coming.

[LordBaal]

W.t.f. hugo. Are you ok? Isn't that dangerous.

[Tiruin]

Today comes the [seemingly concrete?] realization (over multiple times over the years) that some people within family are not as capable as they think they are in aiding with themes stemming or originating in personal concerns. A lot of lacking understanding the other person and more 'don't care and it's their responsibility' because despite the same-ness of the mindset I thought was merely 'ehh, maybe it's just how they think right now', there's a lot more than just not caring. There's a lack of depth at first response. Seriously wish that the teachings I've lived with would be known to more people in the future because of how beneficial they were despite people saying the same thing with how they say it making a marked difference.

[Solifuge]

I hate everything. Hate everything I do, everything other people do, everything I don't do or can't do, everything. Nothing makes me happy, nothing fills this emptiness in my life, and I have no goals to aim for, no idea what to do with myself, no idea where to go, or why I should even bother.

psup

Lemme tell you why: Because this life is the one chance you get in this world. Because the depression will pass, and you will know joy in your life again. I am pretty much exactly as clueless as you, and i've found that if i don't at least try to do something, i'll sink into a hole, and FAST. If you don't know where to go, pick a direction at random. Perhaps you'll find that that direction sucks, but hey, now you know. I don't consider my years spent at uni without finishing a degree to be wasted; after all, i've still learned things, met new people, and i've learned that these aren't the right paths for me. If nothing else, you can at least end up on the right path through elimination and/or trial and error.

It's like with quicksand, or when standing on the bed of a swamp. When your feet are mired in the mud and water, your weight will drag you down if you stand still, and you'll get even more stuck. You have to keep moving until you get out of it, even if you're just taking small steps, or don't know where to go yet. If you're only able to strain against the mud trapping your feet, do that for as long as it takes until your feet come free. You can get moving again, and find your way back to solid ground soon enough.

Life's a precious chance to be, to know, and to do. Even when it's bad. Keep at it, and cultivate an ability to follow your heart / internal compass, and it'll point you toward where you'll find happiness in life.

[Arx]

Campus is closed tomorrow as well, following protesters at the University of the Witwatersrand setting a bus on fire. I don't think this academic year will finish.

[Truean]

.

[scrdest]

I'm getting hit with a generous serving of imposter syndrome.

And the fact that chances are good I spent five years in cutting edge STEM only to be merrily unemployed in this shithole anyway even if the above is wrong.

Yay.