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[scrdest]

Sounds more like dissociation... something or other, can't remember the details.

But it also sounds like what happens to me when I go for a long time on not a lot of sleep. Do you sleep well?

When I say long time I mean weeks when I sleep for fewer than 6 hours per night/sleep cycle.

Depersonalization.

[Tawa]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine%27s_Day#Japan
It's sad that a company can successfully create a social custom through marketing.

The custom that only women give chocolates to men may have originated from the translation error of a chocolate-company executive during the initial campaigns.

Oh, Japan

[JoshuaFH]

I'm just beating myself up over nothing. Even when today was, by all objective accounts, a great day, I can't stop tearing myself apart. I spent like 15 hours at a my local game shop playing the prerelease of Kaladesh (Magic the Gathering). There were three prerelease tournaments back to back, and I did fantastic the first time around, getting second place and 20 packs (like a hundred bucks in packs), then everything started going down hill. In the next tourny I placed fifth with one loss to my name, then in the next one I was playing like a scrub, hesitating, taking a long time, missing triggers, getting tilted over nothing, and when my first win was basically handed to me by a guy that barely knew how to play, and then I just got my ass thumped in the next two games, I forced myself to drop out, cause my mental state was a complete mess.

And it wasn't even a big deal! I know I'm just overreacting, cause I had a lot of fun, and got a lot of cards, and I hung out with my friends. I even went to Buffalo Wild Wings for the first time with a friend I'm getting to know better, and while that was a good interaction (though I still feel upset with myself because in my vain attempt at conversation I still bring up shit that happened in middle and high school like it's at all relevant or interesting WHEN IT'S NOT JOSH STOP BRINGING IT UP AND FORGET ABOUT IT ALREADY YOU FUCKING EMOTIONALLY SICK RETARD!) it kind of reminds me how badly inept I am at communications just through my sheer inexperience in it and how all my personal behavior and internal thought processes are highly adapted to being a lonely environment.

I'm just so disappointed at myself for being so utterly incompetent at the simple task of keeping my cool and just play a card game without overthinking every little thing. Over thinking my deck strategies, over thinking every mistake I may or may not have made, over thinking the current status of my 'luck' as if that was a real thing that warranted thought at all, over thinking about how my mental grip is slowly slipping and I'm trying to self-talk my self better, and I'm overthinking about overthinking and in this meta-thought I completely lose my concentration and focus, dooming myself inextricably.

It must have looked so stupid, driving home with the backseat of my car just filled with my prizes and souvenirs of this special rare day, and in my head I'm just tearing myself apart, almost about to cry. Why do I have to be this way.

[Emma]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I seem to be having an especially bad "episode" as such today. There's too much noise and light and everything and I really don't want to have a breakdown while on a plane. 

[Yoink]

-stuff-

That's rough, hope you cheer up soon.
I think I know how you feel- one awkward moment, social blunder or faux pas can easily ruin an entire day/event/adventure for me, too.
Unless I'm drunk! Then I can just laugh it off as drunken silliness. Ain't alcohol great? ^_^

[Rolan7]

-

[NRDL]

@JoshuaFH and @Gamedragon

*Hugpats*

@Rolan7 Wording's a bit harsh there. 

[TheBiggerFish]

@JoshuaFH and @Gamedragon

*Hugpats*

*hugs intensify*

[misko27]

Two-fold today. First, my mother still hasn't responded after I asked her to tell me the last time she failed at something. Since I needed to keep in contact with her for other reasons (for example, I left my razors charger at home, I can't stand my facial hair, and my only razor will leave me badly cut if I use it regularly), I'm in quite the pickle. I can back down, but honestly what I asked of her didn't seem to be horrible, either at the time or now, and I'm reluctant to surrender when I'm so thoroughly in the right (she has literally chosen to stop talking to me rather than admit one time in her life that she was wrong without qualification; if she can't or refuses to do that, I'm not sure I want to talk to her anyway). But on the other hand, she has control of my sister, I don't have the money to go independent, and it would be a lot easier overall if we could still work together. Plus my father now claims he wants to come over for a visit, but until either my mother or I surrender I can't warn her or ask how to avoid him...

Secondly, I'm now pretty sure that my most recent attempt at romance has been, overall, another failure. I had high hopes for it this time (I actually tried to ask someone out this time!), but after I messed up on Tuesday I've lost my nerve, and my desire to continue. I'm now batting 0-3 on girls I've (tried) to ask out. I'll still see her moderately often (I do sit next to her every class), but I'm not going to ask her out again or bring anything up. Sadly this means there's no longer anyone I have an interest in. Well, that's not technically correct: there are, but the whole dating game terrifies me in general, and I can only work up the desire to try every so often, and only with certain people I see fairly regularly. What's more, since I don't really have any activities on campus, that means I'm probably going to remain single for the foreseeable future (I do have a group of friends, but we have a dorm together, and I don't really have anything I do with anyone outside of it). Oh well, always next year... Still. I feel bad that I manage to remain single despite the gender ratio being more than a little skewed in my favor. I don't doubt that even if I did nothing, as long as I was physically out there eventually someone would ask *me* out (I mean it happened once before), but I'm not. The obvious question: "misko27, why not?" Because I've not really been interested in any groups, and my group of friends was found purely by chance; if I didn't have them, I wouldn't really be able to get a new group.

Meh. I guess overall I'm just feeling lonely. No word from my family, few friends (and I'm definitely the minor member our group, the one who is least often invited to things), no romantic relations to speak of, and no stable job. I'm doing ok enough academically (better than last year at least), but I feel like I'm wasting my time. I don't know. I'm going to go try and be productive with my schoolwork, at least.

[Rolan7]

Next Monday we'll have been acquired, and I'll either still have a job, or not, or maybe they'll string us along another month or two argh.
Either way my mom will be visiting for a while.  Which isn't sad, just... well it might be more stress, or maybe it'll actually help.  Family support has been surprisingly useful lately, which is confounding to me.

Anyway, I'll also probably finally visit, in person, that terrible guy I shouldn't be in a relationship with.  Who has also been so damn... supportive.
These three songs coincidentally sum up my feelings for him: https://youtu.be/BRLV55JSPV0?t=164 (As Eridan and then Tavros)

We've videoconferenced over the past, fuck, 4 years??  But I still know he's just going to reject me once he sees me in person, and good riddance.  I know I put down everything I love, but... he really is awful.  I'm not exaggerating, and I can't say.
Or maybe he'll give me a hug and then I don't know what the hell
I'm not even pretending that I'll turn him down, even though I really should.
Because he ever so briefly makes me happy...  fuck I'm messed up.

[JoshuaFH]

I feel like my brain is coming unhinged. I'm hesitating and second guessing myself everywhere, and I'm just getting angrier and angrier at myself for it. I've been driving for years, and when I hesitated going into a park entrance because I got suddenly scared of a car that was driving up to it at roughly the same time, and freezing, he stops and lets me in, because honestly I was there first and I stopped in the oncoming traffic lane... it's* so stupid, I hit myself in the face several times immediately to make up for that error. The stupidest thing is that this always happens, whenever and wherever there's any happy event in my life, I'm so much worse off and more miserable because of it. Where the hell can my life go when I can only make bad decisions.

* = Ever since I got corrected on the correct form of its and it's, I'm even hesitating and second guessing myself any time I need to use one of those forms, and for some reason that pisses me off too.

[LordBaal]

So we went to first therapy sesion. I was superscared about it but also anxious to start getting help. It turned out to be more helpful, at least at first glance, than what I thought.
The doctor says that basically what we need is to rebuild our trust and that it might be faster than we think. Still feels awful to know you are the sole guilty for the shitstorm.
Oh and it turns out I might be dislexic and on top of that have a social disorder or issues or something. As in I'm not as normal or undamaged as I thought I was.

[Tack]

Edit: sorry ninja
Not sure if it helps, but it's and its (and its'?) take literal minutes for me.
When it comes to English I am somewhere between meticulous and incompetent.


My sunburn gave me a headache.
I wonder if radaway from fallout fixes it. Why does nobody ingame mention that awesome life hack.

[Reelya]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Valentine%27s_Day#Japan
It's sad that a company can successfully create a social custom through marketing.

The custom that only women give chocolates to men may have originated from the translation error of a chocolate-company executive during the initial campaigns.

Oh, Japan

It's a good thing we never have translation errors in anything we believe in English-speaking nations.

I think the main reason that it happens less is because the English-speaking world is more insular: we couldn't give a shit what other people think.

[Helgoland]

Waitwaitwait. What about that 'virgin' vs 'young woman' stuff?