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[Reudh]

Massive, multipartite rants following because I'm stressed out of my fucking mind.

[TheBiggerFish]

This year and then the next and I still have no idea whatsoever what to do with my life. I am immensely screwed.

You're still in school, right?  There should be some people you can talk to there about future planning, that can help you figure out what to focus on.  But honestly, if somebody asked me what my plans were two years from now, I'd have no clue.  Having a long-term goal, like 'be a successful hair stylist' or 'afford a decent life in New York City' (not my goals, just examples), it helps, knowing where you want to be in life and living conditions helps, but having a specific plan that far out is practically wild speculation anyway.  Don't freak out about it.  You'll do fine.

@Tiruin:Thank you!  It was mostly a moment of stress-induced angst, but more knowhow can only be good.  And yeah, I'm actually driving up today.  (Not actually driving myself, but you know what I mean.)

@Reudh: *reads post*
Stress.  Not good.  I'll keep an eye out.

[Yoink]

i accidentally set fire to a pan of grease on my stove which resulted in the entire kitchen being destroyed and my dog dying

Oh no... that's terrible.
I give you my deepest sympathies and offer internet hugs, whatever they may be worth. I really wanted to say more, but I can't work out how.
Just remember, it's not your fault: everyone (at least in my experience) has absent-minded moments with potentially dangerous consequences, and nothing but pure luck decides how bad they are. I really hope you start feeling better soon, and that you get some nicer luck to re-balance things.

Sorry if none of that made sense. I re-wrote parts to try and convey my message properly. Not sure if it helped.


My own current, far less tragic but still more than mild Sad: asthma.
Of course, the one night I leave my backpack (and my inhaler) somewhere, an asthma attack comes along to kick my arse and deny me sleep.
Tried breathing exercises, calming music and scents, all that, but can't get to the point of being able to sleep. I'm supposed to work in a few hours. Ugh.
Guess I'll need to resort to energy drink.

[TheBiggerFish]

@Yoink: 
*hugs*
At least you're, well, alive to complain about it, hey?
Hope you feel better.

[Reudh]

Partial x-post from Josh's cycling thread, because it involves cycling:

This was last Tuesday, but it was just one part of a cavalcade of shit that has left me feeling very very angry at the world lately. Significant, long rants follow, with copious swears.

Spoiler: Part One, in which Reudh gets angry at trains and cycles 17km. (click to show/hide)

So the trains fucked up because first world country, third world infrastructure, and that resulted in me having to cycle 17km in a race against time up hill and down dale, last Tuesday. It was infuriating: I had a test at 9am, got to the train station at 6:30am (because allocate extra time to travel, it's usually ~100min to my uni), announcement states "Major power outages at <Shitsville> Station, <Most heavily used> line and <second most heavily used> line will not run trains today. Alternative transport has been arranged, but we don't know when they will arrive."

So my options were thus:
- Take my bicycle back home, hope i time it correctly to catch the local bus back up to the station and hope the rail replacement buses arrive in time to get to uni before the test starts, because bicycles aren't allowed on buses (especially not full sized mountain bikes)
- Lock my bicycle up at <Reudhtown> station for 12+ hours; probably not a great idea given i only have two locks and the bicycle has three quick release levers (front wheel, rear wheel, seat). While not a bad neighbourhood, I'd rather not overly risk the thing that keeps me sane in my downtimes.
- Cut my losses and cycle up the highway from <Reudhtown> to <Shitsville>, where the trains to the city were still running. Of course, the highway from Reudhtown to Shitsville is rather dangerous and heavily used, as it's a major arterial that connects to another major arterial. Additionally, in some places there is no footpath, and in other places where there is a footpath, it is strewn with glass and rubbish. Thick as my tires are, I didn't want to tangle with a beer bottle and end up stranded in <Shittierville>.

So option 3 is what I took, and I cycled up the highway, cursing and swearing most of the way. Of all the days it could occur, it had to occur when I had a test that ABSOLUTELY COULD NOT BE RE-SIT DUE TO LATENESS/ILLNESS/ETC.
I thrashed myself to stay at 20km/h as hard as I could, but with the highway being quite steep in some parts, it was a real trial. Add to that the characteristic high winds that <Capitalcity> faces, and it was even tougher. Red faced and wheezing, 17km (10mi) and an hour and twenty minutes later, I arrived at Shitsville. Drenched in sweat from the cycle, angry beyond belief, and the next train was not for another ten minutes!

So then, I finally get to the city, train limps in. I have no bloody choice but to message the professor to see if I can resit the test, couple it with a screenshot of the train website to prove it is legitimate, and I get a snippy "No resits. No exceptions." So I bruxed until my jaw went "pop" and tried to study while waiting for the train out to the other side of the city to uni. Maybe it would be salvageable; maybe I'd get there for the remainder of the lecture. If I hadn't have had a test that day as well as a laboratory class, I probably would've simply turned around and gone home.

OH BUT OF COURSE THE TRAIN IS DELAYED OUT THE OTHER SIDE TOO. Let me tell you, Bay12, let me fucking tell you something. Don't design your mass transit rail system in a hub and spoke model. Decentralise it, so faults on one line don't delay every other line.

I get to uni, and one of the guys asks if I'm okay: my face is puce. I go to my lab. End of the day. Frustration mounts.

Spoiler: Part Two, in which Reudh feels unappreciated by people for various reasons. (click to show/hide)

So, a few things occurred in quick succession: Close female friend got back together with her ex who she had said was "emotionally and on one occasion physically abusive" and "drank far too much and often". I tell her it's a baaad, baaaaaaaaad idea, and that it's an A1 grade top tier way of entrapping herself into a domestic violence situation. He claims to have "changed" and that "he could've gotten with this girl but he couldn't because he was thinking too much about her". I projectile vomit. (Figuratively.)

Actually, what happened first was that she said "I have some good news", then she said "I got back together with ex". I basically just go "...What." She tells me to ask our mutual friend the details, because she's already told him. That's... kinda weird. "I HAVE HUGE NEWS BUT TO GET THE DETAILS YOU MUST ASK ANOTHER".

So apparently she was "afraid of what <mutual friend> and Reudh would think, especially Reudh.".

Fair-fucking-e-nuff. I was fuming, not because out of some stupid fuckin' white knight bullshit or something like that, or "aww she won't date me waa waa", but because i'm just so damn concerned she is making a huge mistake.

So I tell her that I think it's a really dumb decision, even compared to the time she slept with a greasy metalhead twelve years her senior who had a tiny donger (her words). I tell her it's a really good way to neatly entrap herself into a domestic violence situation. I tell her that while he claims he has changed - it is possible he has worked on some character flaws in between work and drinking I guess, but the heavy drinking is not something changed without significant effort, as it's a chemical addiction. I tell her that a great proportion of domestic abuse occurs when one or both parties are drunk. I tell her that getting back with an ex is a bad idea if only because the problems that disintegrated the relationship are likely to still be there. I speak from experience there; all of one fucking relationship I've had.

Radio-cuntfarting-silence. Not a fucking word. I'm disgusted and throw my hands up; what can I do? Nothing. And mutual friend and I will probably get to mop up her tears when she's got three Bs; bruised eye and a baby in her belly. I'm seriously reconsidering how much I want to be involved with this friend; she's a smart woman who seems to make really goddamnshitstupid decisions. When she and her ex first broke up she basically demanded me and mutual friend sooth her ego by reassuring her that "yes she is pretty" etc, but christ, what do I get out of the friendship? Casual jokes about being a fucking nerd? Comments that "I just don't understand love"? What the fuck am I? Some kind of heartless broken cunt of a man who can't understand simple emotions? Ugh. Fuck right off with a rusty chainsaw sideways.

But ah, what can you do. People will be people.

Spoiler: Part Three, in which Reudh has an uncomfortable reunion with an old friend, and learns some highly distressing news. (click to show/hide)

So, train home from uni the following day. Look up, see a guy who looks vaguely familiar. He goes "<REUDH> MATE IT'S BEEN FUCKING YEAAAAAARS HOWZIT GOING YOU CUNNY FUNT". Lo and behold, it's one of the members of the ragtag misfits group I briefly associated with in year eight when I was teetering between popularity and nerdosity. Seems so petty now, but it meant a lot at thirteen.


A bit of background here: In year eight, I had a shit of a teacher. You know the kind who hates dealing with students who are outside the norm in any kind of way and picks out their favourites and lavish attention upon them? The dimwitted type who basically became a teacher because they didn't have really anything else they were good at? (Not that teaching is a crappy thing, but it seems to be a "default" option for some groups of people who have no other skills in life. I am absolutely not disparaging all high school teachers; some I have had were fantastic and were born teachers.)


So this old friend, and a couple of the rest of us eventually formed this kinda coalition: me with my smart mouth and supposedly outrageously high IQ (fat lot of arse sniffing good that IQ did me), this old friend who had ADHD and struggled with his anger, another old friend who was Jamaican, also highly intelligent, but deeply troubled (in ways I will later expound upon), and another one who was fickle, one of those types who had high intelligence but zero engagement because of poor behaviour (he also was a diagnosed ADHD person), so any intellect he had was atrophied from years of teacherly neglect. We'd argue with the shitty teacher, point out where she was wrong. We looked out for each other in the yard; the two ADHD guys were our "muscle", me and the Jamaican bro would talk people into walls or get them to swing first through speech. For that year, I had this brief cohort of people willing to look out for me at school, and it was a heady, strong feeling.

For simplicity's sake, from here on out i'll refer to them as Boganbro, Jamaicanbro and Ficklebro.

So one fine day, the shitcunt of the teacher and I were having some stupid fucking screaming match over the fact that she was trying to teach us scientific concepts (and being totally wrong in the process, even pulling a textbook out to show her her incorrectness), when she basically went "You keep talking back like that to teachers and you'll never amount to anything." As the first member in my generation in my family, I had to "carry the flag" academically, which only had more pressure put onto me after i was found to be "gifted" at age 6, and formally assessed IQ wise at age 12 to have 148 IQ (99th percentile).

So you can understand how much that line would cut to the core someone whose entire identity at that stage revolved around being "the smart kid". I hated that teacher with a passion. Imagine just how overjoyed I was when I got her as a teacher again in year 11 (age 16)!

With that background out of the way, we resume our catch up.


So yeah, me and my old friend Boganbro have a good ol' yarn on the train. Shit turns really dark really fast when he mentioned how he got told the same sort of thing by that teacher too; and indeed many other teachers. Boganbro dropped out in year 11, broke his back badly, got onto drugs, got onto worse drugs, was a meth-head for much of the 10s so far, went to jail for brutally bashing a guy while high on meth, and basically got out like a year ago. He was always this bright, cheerful sort of guy, friendly to everyone, whereas now he's visibly aged more than 24 would suggest, and sorta "bowed" looking I guess. It's really sad. So we reminisce about our old little ragtag bunch of misfits, and Boganbro reminisces about the time where "Ya got jumped by a year ten and put in a headlock and me and Ficklebro broke the guy's nose for ya."

He then goes a bit misty eyed as he and I both remember Ficklebro. Ficklebro stabbed a guy in a fit of anger (he never was good at controlling it), and got sent to juvenile detention for three years. He came back broken and quiet. (With the recent, horrifying revelations at what happened in the Don Dale centre- institutionalised brutal torture of youth imprisoned in juvenile detention, because apparently Australia is a land of sub-human savages who treat their own citizens worse than they do their enemies.)

It makes horrifying sense what happened to Ficklebro. While Don Dale was in the Northern Territory, it is very very likely that he went through similar trauma in juvenile detention to what the youths in Don Dale did.

So yeah, basically, Ficklebro came out of juvvie broken and quiet, and never the guy he was beforehand. He hung himself the year after highschool finished. It's not a day I'll ever forget: I showed up to his funeral; his brother who i was on good terms with seized me in a bone-crackingly strong and sad hug as the behemoth of a guy cried like a baby over his brother's death. The shitheads who Ficklebro hung out with, oft times people who'd wished me ill or even injured me in high school, crying and commiserating. Fuck, even the principal was there, who stupidly tried to make small talk with me. Not the time and place, you rampaging dumb cunt of a principal. He and I hated each other.

So yeah. Out of the four of us misfits, I'm the ONLY one who's even remotely functional. Ficklebro's dead, suicide; Boganbro's an ex-con former meth addict, and then I hear the news about Jamaicanbro who'd fallen off the radar when he'd moved to <Shitsville>.

Turns out, Jamaicanbro got onto weed after bouts of anorexia. Yeah, it affects males too, but you never hear about it. He'd been (supposedly) prescribed it (I think that was a lie; it's only just now that medicinal marijuana is tentatively being legalised in my state) to treat his anorexia, given that THC interestingly functions similarly but more strongly to the hunger promoter hormone anandamide.
So, presumably that went all well and good for a while, but his mother kicked him out because he was smoking it around his younger (then-12 and 9) siblings. He moved in with his uncle, seesawed dangerously weight-wise, presumably began hearing voices, and was committed to a psychiatric ward for schizophrenia. That's terribly sad, but Boganbro shows me his facebook account, then goes white in the face.
Turns out that in the midst of a psychotic episode, Jamaicanbro's gone missing. No one knows where he is, he's not remotely well or sane right now, and he's been missing for a few days. His sister's put out a public call for help on his account.

Jesus fucking christ. My heart sinks. I stammer "I hope he's alright." Boganbro just nods weakly.
Then as we're heading home, Boganbro smiles and hits me with this armour-piercing statement:

"Ya know, Reudh; you never were socially retarded like you thought you were. You just had trouble trusting people. You socialised fine with us guys back when, and you socialised fine now. Take care of yourself, for fuck's sake."

I laughed bitterly and said "Boganbro, mate, after nearly eight years of no contact and in a single line, you've read me better than any fucking psych ever did." He just looked really sad at that, that even I had had my own respective mental problems.

"See you around, Reudh. Look after yourself."

So that was last Wednesday.

Spoiler: Part Four, in which Reudh catches up with a uni friend. (This is not a bad thing, but it made me think.) (click to show/hide)

So, this uni friend and I, really close, always have been, always will be; she and I have been mistaken for a couple many more than a few times by peers at uni. I would be extremely pleased if a relationship did blossom, but I don't think it will ever. She's never shown any sort of desire for me in that regard, or indeed desire for any person; and I am content to remain a close friend. We fall back into a comfortable old rhythm as if it hadn't been eight months since our last catch up.

So we chat, catch up, share some churros together, it's nice and easy, sitting by the banks of the river as the sun comes up. The stress has just melted away, for the time being. She brings up our mutual friend, who I also get along very very well with. The mutual friend started in the same course, and was a little tiny ray of sunshine. We were the three uh, I dunno what to call us? but anyway, the three of us were very, very good friends, but circumstances caused us to fall gradually out of contact: the one I first mentioned has work as well as her Master's degree, and the mutual friend's father died, then she had to move interstate to manage his effects. Of course, she inherited his property and things, but it left her with no one in her family reliable enough to do anything with.

So yeah, that started me off the track about how the mutual friend asked me to come up to her house in the other state to hang out with her. She worries me sometimes, because she's very very intense, but lonely to the point of latching onto communities to "belong"- she's an Islam convert, but has flitted between it, christianity and Dawkinsesque atheism many times; she's also gotten with some very nasty guys (including one who stole her inherited rubies.)

So yeah, I'm just about prepared to go up; it's the holidays at this point, I start to travel into the city so I can buy the interstate tickets, when she messages me with some kinda weird cop-out that "the uni has stuffed up and she has to do summer school" - miss 95%+ repeating? no way. I find it a bit odd, because the last time she invited me up to spend a week at hers, she had to cop out that time, and very shortly after that time she got together with some shit of a guy.

Lo and behold, she's gotten together with some other shitty guy again. Super intense early into the relationship, would freak out some guys, but mutual friend is very pretty, very fit and very slim. Me being paranoid me, I decide that's why she didn't want me to come up, because it definitely correlates with the last time she invited me up as well. Again, while I'm not going to look for a relationship with her and I'm not crushin', I would be more than happy for a relationship to occur, because we get along so very well.

So obviously, I cancel my plans to travel interstate for the holidays, feel disappointed and kinda crushed, to be honest. Spend most of the uni holidays feeling resentful at being tossed aside again, whether it was for legitimate or otherwise reasons; had she still invited me up but gotten with this guy, I probably would have declined: so yeah, visit a good friend, but hang around the house while she and her new beau loved it up? I'd've been the thirdiest of third wheels ever, and it wouldn't have been fun.


So thinking about that sets me off on the thought process that people just don't seem to really appreciate me at all. That continues in the next rant.

Spoiler: Part Five, in which Reudh shouldn't let his thought processes return to "what ifs" and "what could have been". (click to show/hide)

After hanging out with my bestest best friend, she leaves to go back home, and I prepare to go to uni that day: I just can't do it. I head back home. Anger starts flowing back. Both at my lack of ability to be bothered heading into uni, which I pay through the nose for (in the future), and at the world in general.

So numerous things:
- My thoughts wander along to thinking about the women I've dated or loved or whatever. Of those:

-- One went on a few dates with me, was looking promising until her ex came back on the scene and I got dropped like a sack of potatoes. Turned out her ex and I looked identical, ginger hair and broad shoulders and all, except I'm blue eyed and he was brown eyed.

-- Another dragged me out to places and insisted she pay for dates, because at the time I couldn't really afford anything and was embarrassed about it. She was this devastatingly gorgeous Latino woman who I kept thinking while out on the date "how the fuck did this ranga end up dating this lovely person". Apropos of nothing, she decided that "it wouldn't work out because you hate nightclubs and also you're not religious and I am." So that was a cop out all of the sudden, and I felt mood whiplash like nothing before at the time. She was also the most stable and most reliable of all of them. Recently, she just got engaged. I can cross that one off the books forever or near forever. I should feel happy for her but I feel nothing but bitterness at it.

--Another went on a couple of dates, kept telling me how wonderful I was, how great my photography was (because i had posted like two sunset pictures on facebook?) and that we should see a romcom together: got stood up twice. First time I thought "fair enough", because it turned out she had to work; she got called in very last minute. People have lives, I can accept that. Second time, she picks out a movie, I pay for tickets, I get all handsome and dressed up (inasmuch is appropriate for a date, basically just shave, put on some wonderful cologne, style my hair, wear some nice clothes.) Because we live on opposite sides of the state capital, we planned on meeting up at a central shopping centre, was gonna go to the swanky cinema on the top floor. I was so psyched. So I arrive at the station nearest <Swanky Central>, where we were meeting first. I show up fifteen minutes early, because I like to allocate extra travel time JUST IN CASE. Wait half an hour. Maybe she's running late; if so, she'd be 15 minutes late. Still within the realms of possibility.
I wait an hour more. She ain't showing up. I message her one simple thing: "yo, are you coming?"
Radio silence. Ugh. I go home in a stroppy fucking mood and hit the punching bag for half an hour until i can barely raise my arms. She'd gotten together with another guy and simply neglected to tell me; to make matters worse it was another one of the uni guys who was a warm acquaintance. I got to watch them mackin on in nearly every class that year. :|

-- And the tippy top: the only woman who outrightly said "I love you", the only one I've actually called a girlfriend: she comes out as a lesbian, which turned out to be why our relationship had odd patches of hot and cold. Uses me as her one person support group, declares me her "best friend for life because no one understands me like you do". We hang out, share a few relatively awkward niceties, she lets me in on far too much knowledge of her love life. I am somewhat squicked out by this, but I generally don't let those things show overly much. (she liked being "manhandled" or is that "womanhandled", and also goes for women more than double her age.) So the moment she finds her grummoxty granny with a dusty-choo-choo to sneeze at, I'm no longer spoken to. That hurts nearly as much as the realisation that our relationship was effectively a litmus test for her sexuality, and that there's no simple way of saying it besides that I got 'used'.


So after my mind runs through that, the thought processes trundle along to "Family fucking sucks sometimes".

- While my immediate family are generally nice and supportive, they have their moments. Also, they're by no means nasty like some Bay12ers have, but I'm a family man who likes to interact with my family. Eldest child, y'know? So mum starts playing the martyr every time she has to do X or Y chore, because she's "old" and "tired" and "achy" and "why can't you people just pull your weight". More than one occasion I've said "You know, if you play the martyr, it just makes us feel uncomfortable, you end up doing the chore, and you end up feeling bitter and resentful." Dad of course is tired all the time because he's worked in a trade most of his adult life, but he's got sleep apnoea as any 6'7 150kg giant would have, and his snores are loud and bassy enough to rattle the windows and be heard down my end of the house. I've warned him many, many times that just from the apnoea alone, he's got ~30% increased risk of a heart attack, and that his 40s are basically his best time he's got left to mitigate or work on the sleep apnoea without surgery. Couple that with his hypertension and obesity, and I'm terrified one of the only rocks in my life will die an early grave. he complains that "doctors only tell him to lose weight", and I've reiterated so many damn times that it's because it's by far the most effective and least invasive method: his options being "lose weight", "lose weight and have surgery", "have surgery" or "use a CPAP machine until the day you die". He normally takes stock in my medical advice ever since I correctly diagnosed why his NSAIDs were causing night sweats and pneumonia-like symptoms: he was having eosinophilic pneumonia from the anti-inflammatories. Told him to take that to the doctor, they had a look, it was diagnosed, and he stopped the NSAIDs.

Then there's the two siblings. Sister's generally kind and lovely, though her sleeping patterns and anger are very tiresome: she works some nights four hours at a local restaurant, stays up until 5am, doesn't wake up until 3pm the next day, complains about not having enough time to do the dishes because she has to get ready for work. Any attempt to suggest that maybe if she didn't stay up until the sun came up that she'd probably feel better and have enough time to do anything but work is met with anger. So, more often than not, since I'm at uni 8-12 hours a day 5 days a week, I can't do the lion's share of the chores that I used to do, so it falls to her as the next-least-inactive person. Of course, that means that many times, I get home at 7pm from uni, exhausted and hungry, and the parents are simmering with crankiness, sister's either gone to work or is ensconced in her room (tumblr, fallout 4 and skyrim her three vices), dinner's not started because the dishes haven't been done so there's nothing to cook with, and my brother's obviously not available because he's doing his final year of highschool + working more hours than the sister.

That brings me to my brother. He says his standoffishness and indifference to everyone is just because he's stressed; indeed, he's always had those two things as a bit of a character trait since puberty, but it is excessive and to the point of rudeness more often than not. Sometimes, he says these things that he doesn't think are hurtful, Dad doesn't think are hurtful, and I have to explain precisely WHY saying that sort of thing hurts feelings, at which point Dad totally understands and gets it, but my brother basically goes "lol well it's your fault for feeling hurt."

- Oh-ho-fucking-oh. That brings me to the extended family. So, a few years back, my fucking psychopath of an eldest paternal aunt goes and rips the entire family in two after what should have been a simple thing was blown up into bizarroland. As a result, for looking after my uncle (who has had a shit of a decade; first wife dies, kids grow up, eldest becomes unruly and aggressive after she gets a new stepmother, and being physically aggressive is no laughing matter when you're already 6'3' tall at age 14):
my paternal grandparents (mixed bag of loss there), the psychopath aunt (no loss there), the psychopath aunt's reedy, weakwilled husband (little loss there), her twin boys (massive loss there, as I was their big cousin who they loved to hang around with, which psychopath-aunt resented), other aunt (medium loss there), other uncle (medium loss there) all cut us out and have hardly spoken to us since. It's as if we don't even fucking exist any more to them, which my brother and I took especially hard, because my brother was so like my father at 14 that his parents basically tried to make up for their horrific faults raising my father by lavishing gifts and attention on my brother, and me because they lavished attention and gifts on me because I was the star pupil of the family, the one who would Lead The <Reudhfamily> Out Of The Darkness or whatever the fuck catholics go on about, and being an eldest child and eldest grandchild and eldest great-grandchild and eldest great-great-grandchild, there were many eyes on me. It fucking hurts, you know? I remember receiving a message from psychopath aunt mocking me for being "supposedly gifted and yet doing a pathetic arts course" (which was at the time, correct). It makes me so fucking angry. Thrown away like so much rubbish.

Of course, by now I recognise that these sort of thought processes are quite depressive, and I try to halt them without much success. I've had many issues with depression in the past, so I know how to spot those rogue sorta thoughts that could make me feel bad. I did have to go on antidepressants for some time, which I hated, as among other side effects I gained 20kg (40lbs).

So then my brain taunts me with "Yo remember how you ALMOST got all these cool things that could have happened to you? Remember things like:"
- That job I missed out on at age 19 that would've seen me move interstate and work in the courts for what was quite a princely amount for basically just clerkwork, which probably would have enabled me to have a home deposit by now. I got to the last stage of interviews and missed out on it.
- The waste of a few years first in 2010-11 doing the shitty fucking professional writing diploma, then the stalled course doing a BSci (Biomed) for three years, and I'm now barely back on my feet
- The fact that numerous peers of mine are starting new stages in life, with children, mortages, mortgaged children, wives, husbands, criminal convictions, nice cars, and I'm still cycling my bicycle and studying and jobless at 24.
- The fact I missed out on going to a highly prestigious select entry school at age 13 because it was too expensive, one where I have family history at, and one that I probably would've had adequate engagement instead of teacherly neglect.
- The fact I've had so many missed chances relationship-wise, and in my current state I'm both too busy and not overly attractive at the moment; I really need to hit the gym again.
- The fact that my government study allowance runs out at the end of this semester, so if I manage to not find a job, then that's it, I can't finish my course:
- Oh, the fact that no matter how hard I try to find a job, regardless of whether I'm sending in hundreds of applications for all manner of jobs or none, I don't get anywhere.

So all that nasty shit culminates at the end of the week with me thinking "I need a fucking drink."

And realising that that is a dangerous precedent, so I don't have a fucking drink and instead just cycle and cycle and cycle until I'm too tired to do anything on Saturday.

Arghety fucking argh. At least i'm doing okay in uni, the two marked pieces of work I've gotten back (both from Human Developmental and Clinical Genetics) were a high distinction and a distinction. That's the only bright spot.

[TheBiggerFish]

Reudh...Wow.

*hugs*

I'll try to respond to everything.

Part One:Yeah, I think that it might be time to talk to the guy's boss, because that's just not right.  You had no way to mitigate that, and basically getting failed because the train people done carped up, that's just not right.

Part Two:Logic, evidence, and repetition repetition repetition.  Keep telling her she's doing stupid stuff and keep an eye out.  Maybe she'll catch on or you'll catch it before everything goes really badly pear-shaped.

I won't presume to give friendship advice, but it sounds really one-sided from here.

Part Three:Oh my god that is terrible.

I have no words.  I have no words.  I have absolutely no words.

I wish I had something comforting to say here, but that got me feeling morose.  And angry.  But mostly morose.  *hugs*

I can't help but wonder what would have happened to me if I was in that situation.  I could very well have been in your shoes.  I know I had this argument with a fourth grade teacher over whether squares were rectangles...

But yeah.  That really sucks.  Wish I could do anything more than empathize.

Spoiler: This is more my own sad than pertaining to yours. (click to show/hide)

That last line...That last line, that hits home for me too, and it wasn't even aimed at me.

Part Four:
That sucks.

I don't really know what else to say.  I mean, I would say I appreciate you, but honestly I feel like if I did it would be just...Formulaic?  But I do appreciate you.

Part Five:
Family:Yeah, family can be...Painful, sometimes.  Even the good ones.  I don't know what else to say.

Jobs:Everybody ends up doing the massive number of job applications.  Keep pushing on.  Unless you mean literal hundreds, in which case, that is terrible and terrifying.



Again I find myself stymied on what advice to give, but...Hey.  Things will get better, if you keep pushing on.  Just hold on to that.

[Eric Blank]

I made a bad joke that resulted in other people posting bad jokes. Now OW got banned. :c

[Yoink]

It am not your fault.

But yes, that is my Sad for this morning, too. :c

[TheBiggerFish]

That is sad.  I wish it hadn't happened.

[Kot]

I got a message.

Also,

I made a bad joke that resulted in other people posting bad jokes. Now OW got banned. :c

what happened and why do I think that I know where it happened? D:

[ChairmanPoo]

I made a bad joke that resulted in other people posting bad jokes. Now OW got banned. :c

what happened and why do I think that I know where it happened? D:

He told the most dangerous joke in the world, a ww2 invention that was supposed to turn the tide of the war. Everything is downstream from there
Check the joke at ypur peril!

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

[NRDL]

Facebook feeds always have depressing shit in them, saw one article about a kid who committed suicide cause he was getting bullied and socially excluded.  Genuinely heartbreaking. 

[Tack]

Tack: Hi
Orange Wizard: ay
Tack: Wee need to break up

T_T

[LordBaal]

I'm kind of sad for OW. Didn't really knew the guy but he was always all over the forum and enjoyed some of his posts. Did he got permabanned?

[George_Chickens]

Tack: Hi
Orange Wizard: ay
Tack: Wee need to break up

T_T

I sure hope you're not doing this over him being banned on Bay12.