Print

Please login or register.
1 Hour 1 Day 1 Week 1 Month Forever
Login with username, password and session length

[itisnotlogical]

For the past few days I've been waking up feeling like somebody punched me really hard in the left shoulder, then twisted all the muscles around. Imagine tangled earphones except it's inside your body.

One friend of mine is losing their house because their landlord is a scumbag. Another discovered that their boyfriend of 2.5 years has been unfaithful for 2 of those years, mere weeks after giving up everything to move in with them. It makes me sad, and angry, and angrier that I can't do anything, and even angrier at the fact that I probably could do something if I weren't a useless manchild.

I've been repeating a mantra to myself whenever I feel like quitting my job, or cancelling an appointment or exploding with anger on somebody, or doing something else drastic that would only cause more problems. It's starting to sound stupid and not work anymore.

[Shook]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

I'm sick of myself. I'm just a worthless piece of shit. I've always been a procrastinator but have generally managed to actually get things done eventually. Turns out I can't even do that anymore since it seems that I'm shit at absolutely everything now and can't seem to focus on anything anymore. My parents won't be any help, whenever I've tried to talk to them they just tell me to grow up. I fucking hate myself I really, really do. I don't even know why I'm posting this to be honest, I just feel like I should for some reason that's as stupid as I am.

Your parents desperately need to know what a clinical depression is. They wouldn't tell you to just grow up if you had pneumonia, and yet, depression is somehow something that one can magically will oneself out of. Spoiler warning: It very rarely is. Tell them to go read about it. They probably don't realize it, but depression is SERIOUS, and is basically codename "robbed of all joy in life". I think i'd rather go through pneumonia than depression, because at least pneumonia doesn't fuck with my brain and will pass after a few weeks. Depression... Not so much. I've witnessed the change a guy underwent after he finally lost his depression after years, and holy shit it scares me to think that the onset of depression was the opposite of that.

Seriously, i think your parents are only acting as they do because they don't know how serious it is. They probably just think it's the classic "young people wangst" where them youngin's cry about how their smartphone only lasts for 3 hours. On a scale of badness from 1 to 10 where the former example is a 1, depression is a 128, and that's not even too much of an exaggeration. :/

[ChairmanPoo]

because at least pneumonia doesn't fuck with my brain and will pass after a few week

Well, unless it kills you and/or end up with long term symptoms, I guess...

[Yoink]

gj mentioning that to a self-professed hypochondriac.

But yeah... depression sucks.

[Shook]

PARDON ME WHILE I EXPLODE FROM PSYCHOSOMATIC DOOM CANCER

Let's just say that i'm glad that we have free health care in danishland. :v

because at least pneumonia doesn't fuck with my brain and will pass after a few week

Well, unless it kills you and/or end up with long term symptoms, I guess...

Now obviously i wouldn't want pneumonia if i can avoid it, and i know that it kills a LOT of people every year, but since i'm a young and reasonably healthy dude (i'm actually rarely sick), i wouldn't be too worried about dying if i happened to get it. Mind you, i'm saying this as a former asthmatic (i outgrew my asthma, hooray), so i know how much it sucks to be unable to breathe properly. Thing is, with physical sickness, you're bedridden for a while, and then you can resume your life (... if you survive without lasting damage). With depression, you're physically just as capable as before, but... Well, look at how Gamedragon is feeling. It might not be a traditional disease like flu, but it absolutely should not be dismissed (not saying that you do, of course), especially not by parents.

[Emma]

Spoiler (click to show/hide)

Today's off to a great start, people are already telling me I'm an arrogant arse hole. I'm fucking sick of this.

[SOLDIER First]

i accidentally set fire to a pan of grease on my stove which resulted in the entire kitchen being destroyed and my dog dying

[BorkBorkGoesTheCode]

  Holy crap! Are you injured?

[x2yzh9]

So, had a lot of stuff that's been going on. Feel like I'm running in one giant circle and I'm tired of dealing with this shit, but I'm just going to go about the next month or so getting on track trying to do things differently and learn from my mistakes and make progress on the account of clarity and mental health, because quite honestly I'm tired of holding my pride too close consciously or subconsciously to be able to help myself do things different. The definition of insanity is, after all, doing the same thing over and over...

[SOLDIER First]

Holy crap! Are you injured?

no

[Spehss _]

i accidentally set fire to a pan of grease on my stove which resulted in the entire kitchen being destroyed and my dog dying

Holy shit man. I've had grease fires but they didn't get that bad. That's awful.

Sorry about your dog. :C

[SOLDIER First]

it wouldn't have been so bad if i had actually noticed it before it was several feet tall

[BorkBorkGoesTheCode]

Don't punish yourself. It won't help.

[SOLDIER First]

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[Frumple]

Damn, sb. Good you're alright, but sucks it happened. Least you're still alive and can learn from it. And yeah, condolences on your pet. That has got to feel like shit

Was it just not paying attention or somethin'? S'been what started a few in this house this year, if none of that magnitude.