Trying to have a conversation with my mother is the most fucking irritating thing.
I still don't like my brother at all, but he is basically not even a problem anymore. He hardly speaks to me and is usually outside the house doing shit with his friends or his girlfriend, so he almost never bothers me anymore, although he still makes a point of acting like a dickhead when he gets the chance, his petty shit doesn't bother me in the short term anymore. At this point I'm just sick of him as a person and the shit he did to me once upon a time, and it's pretty much just my mother now. Even he is very visibly sick of her needless bullshit at this point, but it seems like every time someone attempts to explain the bullshit in question to her and get her to see why it's bullshit, she responds with some fake thing like "STOP GIVIN' ME ATITOOD" as if any attempt to get her to stop being such a nagging, selfish, manipulative person is some kind of huge insult to her. That's aside from having the power as a parent to stop my brother's douchebaggery, and instead just choosing to let him to everything that he ended up doing while either being too stupid to realise it was happening or just not bothering to make an effort to stop it because she just sort of didn't feel like it I guess.
On another note, I still have a really big soft spot for that girl who I've talked about on here for a pathetically long time, but at this point it seems like a better decision to never do dating and never try to get married or any of that other crap. Not because "Love will fuck you over eventually" or some other stupid thing like that, it just sounds like life will be so much easier if I can be on my own and do what I want instead of what someone else wants for a change. Having people to talk to would still be nice too.
The more I say shit like that the more I feel like a freak, and like I'm wasting some kind of opoortunity, but at the same time it just feels like all I really want.