Well, that went thouroughly shitty in a way I didn't anticipate in the least.
Allow me to explain the details of this:
I was going to a concert today, with my mother and friend. Those were the two people I really was focused on anyways, there was also my friend's mother, my aunt, her boyfriend, and his friend. My intention was to spend most of the concert with my friend since I really don't get to spend as much time hanging out with friends as I would like (read: maybe once every two months on average). At some point nearing the end of it, I also intended to ask said friend out on a date in the future, since she's been single for around a month now and I can already see the inherent opportunity slipping through my fingers, so I intended to grasp it while I could. Overall a good evening and either way my request is received, finally an end to the year and a half of agonizing unrequited infatuation bullshit I've been going through. If I get accepted, great. If not, I finally have the psychological impetus to move on. I thought about the way I'd approach the topic for a week beforehand, covering every possibility I could think of in a broad manner to account for inevitable shifts in conversation.
Of course then it all goes to shit in a way I couldn't possibly have foreseen.
The concert opens it's gates at 5:00, starts with an opening band at 6:00, and the advertised band starts playing at 7:00, going through till 10:00. My mother tells me to be ready to leave the house by 2 in the afternoon. I comply, but she gets home at 3:30 instead, and with her usual checking-if-she-forgot-her-phone-47-times routine we ended up leaving at 3:45. Still okay for time. We spend another 10 minutes with her calling various friends to confirm her opinion that taking one particular route is better than the other, and around 40 minutes driving, making us arrive at the hotel we were meeting my aunt, her boyfriend, and his friend at at around 4:30. Again, still okay, I don't know how far away the concert place is but we have plenty of time.
They end up sitting around talking for 2 hours instead of actually going, resulting in us attempting to leave at 6:30. I'm texting my friend being somewhat exasperated about this, as she's already there so of not for the slowass adults I'm with I could already be there with her. However, instead of leaving to walk to the concert place my mom insists on stopping at the hotel bar to get shots for whatever reason, interspersed with yet more talking. This eats up more time, resulting in us leaving at 6:45 to get to the concert which officially starts at 7. I'm somewhat annoyed now, because good god guys you can talk on the way there. We're promised by my aunt's boyfriend that it's a ten minute walk, so I inform my friend that I'll be there in 15 minutes accounting for slow walking, and all should be well.
This turns out to be more horseshit, as we end up walking for 55 minutes instead. So we arrive at about 7:45 for a concert I had thought I would be at at 6 at the latest. Attempting to text my friend to find out where she is amongst the crowd is of no use since she isn't answering the phone - I later found out that her mother forbid her from using her phone when the main band was playing, though I can't help but suspect with the paranoid part of my mind that that might've been a lie meant to excuse her not responding to my messages.
I don't really give two shits about the music - music's great and all, but I only appreciate events for the people I go to them with, not the event itself - so I immediately go looking for her. After all, regardless of wanting to have a good time with her, I did have a goal for the night. Of course, looking for her is fruitless, as she's one in a crowd of thousands. I spend the next two hours sidling through the crowd and standing on my tiptoes, looking for her in vain. This brings the time to about 9:45, my phone's long since died, not that it would've mattered, I've somehow managed to run into someone from work twice over, bringing me reminders of that place when I really do not want to think about it.
I'm obviously in a pretty bad mood. In fact, I'm downright dejected, because the evening I'd planned on finally concluding the stupidass emotional rollercoaster I'm on has gone thouroughly to shit because my fucking relatives can't be on time for things. So I find a place to sit down and have around 10 minutes of self-pity and holding in frustrated tears. Finally, I deicde eh fuckit, might as well have one more go around, so I go wandering around aimlessly and its of course then that I finally fucking find her. The irony was so thick I could've chewed it.
So I go and talk to her and dance with her during the one last song the band's playing, and then she goes home with her mom. I didn't ask her shit, because you can't just go up to someone and ask them if they want to go on a date, that's fucking crass. Also I'm somewhat of a coward so I need time to build up to stuff like that.
Now that I've spent a solid two hours searching for this girl only for irony to shit all over my face by letting me find her in the last five minutes, I'm tired, thirsty, and my back's aching since I've been walking pretty much nonstop for 3 hours including the very-much-not-10-minute walk here, and I hadn't really eaten or drank anything that day because of my nervous anticipation of finally asking this girl out. You'd think my night would've ended there, but nope. My adult relations decide that they want to go to a bar. So after we spend the requisite hour or so walking all the way back to the hotel (uphill this time mind you, we went downhill the way there), we end up walking a further 5 or so kilometres trying to find a pub that's open this late - it's around 11:30 at night by this point. I'm tired as fuck and shaky - I tend to not notice my hunger or thirst or tiredness overly much until it hits me all at once, so I'm basically about to fall over. Finally they find a pub after way too much walking, which of course has its kitchen closed because it's so late, meaning the only thing to eat there is tortilla chips they happen to have in stock. I drink about 3 litres of water and gorge on at least 2 platefuls of chips so I don't feel like I'm about to die, and spend about 2 hours sitting there while the adults order a bunch of beers, get semi-tipsy, and tell unamusing (to me, at least) stories about how they did stupid shit involving getting drunk/high and being unable to find their friends at various events and labelling them 'adventures'. At last the pub officially closes, we leave at around 1:30, they spend 20 minutes figuring out how to cab back to the hotel to save us further walking, and we finally get back to the hotel room we met my aunt and her boyfriend in at around 2 in the morning. It should also be mentioned that I brought a bad with various snacks in it along, but was told to leave it behind because 'you won't need those'.
After yet more talking and such, my mother and I leave, and I drive home as she's drunk. The whole way home - which we got lost on no less than three times due to her being horrible with directions when she's sober - she insists on lecturing me about how she doesn't trust my friend, that she's leading me on, that I need to move on, etcetera etcetera. My rebuttal that being in love with someone or moving on from that isn't a choice I'm able to make is ignored, of course.
We finally arrive home at 4:00 in the morning, my mom regretting not coming home earlier due to her having work in 4 hours, me tired, dejected, still not having managed to confess my feelings to anyone but the internet, and with a mild case of mother-induced paranoia (what if she actually hates me, what if what she said about her mom (who I know to be a domineering bitch) not letting her be on her phone was a lie to make me feel better, what if what if what if) running through my brain. And all because my fucking relatives can't muster themselves to be on time for a concert they've known they were going to for 5 months. I mean, FUCK
This whole ordeal was draining as fuck for me. Do you have any idea how frustrating and depressing it is to look out upon a sea of literal thousands of people but not be able to find the one person you want to see? To have them dangled before you for five fucking minutes after you've looked for them for hours? To have plans you've lost sleep over for not only the week you made them, but years before due to maybe finally getting the chance to fulfil the underlying desires behind your plans, get completely derailed despite you ostensibly doing everything right? Fuck, I feel so ... so unfulfilled.
This is why I don't go out. Shit like this happens nearly every time and I don't ever get to enjoy the company of not only the people I love, but also just random people my age. I mean shit, I hardly get to have meaningful conversations with people 20+ years older than me, let alone with anyone my age. Just pleasantries and small talk that never goes anywhere. I don't feel that I really have a personal connection with anyone and it hurts. I would've rectified that, since the closest thing I have is my friend who I spend far too little time with for my liking because of my own timidness and our conflicting schedules, but ALL THE BULLSHIT FROM TONIGHT HAPPENED AND NOW MY OPPORTUNITY'S FUCKING SQUANDERED WHO KNOWS WHEN I'LL GET TO SEE HER IN THE FLESH AGAIN AND WITH MY LUCK SHE'LL PROBABLY HAVE GOTTEN INTO A RELATIONSHIP WITH SOMEONE ELSE BY THAT POINT SO MY OPPORTINITY TO CONFESS MY FEELINGS WILL HAVE PASSED ME BY AGAIN FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUVCK
Even getting rejected wouldn't have been as bad as this since we could've just gone back to being friends, no big deal. But no, I couldn't even get to the point where I could ask, much less get an answer.
Well, at least I learned something from all this - never trust my mother with event arrangements again. Because I'll be damned if I'm going through another bout of that again.
...fuck.
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9703884 times)