Drilled into my thumb at work today. Its somewhere between not needing stitches but hurting whenever it brushes anything.
On another, worse note, plans for moving out of my fucked up household are gone again... I was betting on my buddy getting his pension check in June when I get paid, but no, he got it today. And he doesn't get another one until december at the earliest.
That means I'm stuck here being forced to not have access to my own money, being verbally harassed to the point its almost abuse by my mother and my sister, more yelling and berating by my mom that I'm a fuck up because I went through rehab and I should go back for another 90 days because she thinks I've relapsed since I started going back for meetings because, to her, a relapse is any moment when I touch my laptop (for context, I was forced in the first time because she claimed video games was my addiction, and when I came out, I saw games was nothing but a cover up for a bigger problem. When I got out, and I was playing games, she freaked out. Now shes banned me from all systems, forced me to sell them or throw them out, and I'm still harassed now because D&D counts now, even if its in person).
I'm so fucking sick of living in such a fucking shitty place. I can't see my freinds because if I'm not gonig to work, I get yelled at. And because I'm not making time to do anything else BECAUSE I'm working, I can't get shit done like I hoped, like some coding or working out. Nope, to her, if I'm not out there with my dad or at walmart, I'm a useless sack of shit. This became apparent when I wanted some time to just recover since I just started, made it through a week, and I had several things to do and a friend wanted to hang out but never got back to me, and she freaked out saying I could have worked instead of sitting around waiting for people. WELL NO SHIT, BUT HOW AM I TO KNOW THEY WERE GOING TO BACK OUT LAST MINUTE? Not to mention I needed a day to go get my allergy shot but NOPE, FUCK YOU, CAN'T DO THAT EITHER. Seriously, I had to do stuff for most of the day and SHE FUCKING GETS UPSET WHEN I COME HOME AFTER LEAVING AT 11 AND NOT COMING BACK TILL 7 THAT I COULD HAVE WORKED!?!? FUCK OFF!
I think the worst part of all this is I know my mom seems to be getting more and more miserable each day to the point I can't even talk to her without her saying I should be working or I'm fat or I'm a fuck up because I went to rehab... It fucking drives me up the wall to the point I want to just bang my head against the wall until I break my skull open. Its awful, and because my only chance at getting out is gone, I'm fucked for at least another year. Another year where I don't own any of the money I make, another year of being verbally harassed every day (I seriously stopped coming home right away because I felt ok being in a place where some fuckboy wanted to kick my ass and not ok being at home. I never want to come home, but I have to, and there's such a cloud of negativity from my mom alone that its fucking toxic here. With me and my dad, we have a great time, and he's depressed and usually without anyone to talk to but my mom, and HE'S better to be around than my mom. My group leader thinks my mom is jealous of that between me and my dad, but I think its just because she's just miserable about everything. She hates her job, she's unhappy with her kids, her husband, her home, and I NEVER hear anything positive come out of her mouth.
I just want out of my fucking house to get away from the negativity and be able to feel at peace for once...
Author
Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9700146 times)