I have the slight impression i'm slowly turning into an asshole. For the most part, i'm kinda apathetic and, because of it, i can be rude sometimes. Most people already have set the image on their heads that i'm a bad person and, because i don't want to hurt anyone, i isolate myself from them and i try to not interfere with any of their business. Obviously, i do have to interact with them sometimes and, most of the times, it's just odd. I have few friends and they hang out with me because they also don't have many options. I do have a very deep friendship with one of them though and he helps me a lot when i'm feeling down. But i know i can't always count with him. He has more things to do and for most of the day i can't talk with him.
I wish i could be more friendly, but it just feels so fake every time i try it. I can't meet new people, i'm very shy and because of this i can't approach girls. I don't know anyone who shares similar tastes or thoughts. Most people i meet are VERY different from me. I don't think i'm superior to anyone in any field, i just find hard meeting new people and even harder approaching girls. I had some horrible thoughts in the past of what i should do and they only made me worse, but i got over them. Every now and then i find myself sinking into the same negative thoughts. Life now just seems to becoming more mundane, dull, negative and unrewarding. I thought multiple times on giving up, but i know it's not the answer.