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Author Topic: Things that made you sad today thread.  (Read 9711013 times)

hops

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #104250 on: April 15, 2016, 07:15:28 am »

People don't really come here for help though, that's what Life Advice is for. This thread is more for venting and such.

Don't get me wrong - it's great that you want to help, but don't beat yourself up over not being able to do anything. We're all dogs on the internet and there's only so much you can do with soggy copper cables.
The idea is more that I would prove that I do care, though. I just don't want people to think I'm just passing by their posts and ignoring them.
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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #104251 on: April 15, 2016, 01:51:40 pm »

Someone I seriously don't dislike is convinced that I dislike them, despite vociferous protests to the contrary and at least 5 others weighing in.  I don't know how to fix this.  Aaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sorry I'm not posting here much... I'm reading everything, though. I hope one day I'll learn enough to be of more help...
This was a pretty stressful and tiring week, and I was hoping for some rest this weekend, but now my mom wants me to go to a religious retreat (she wants me to go means I'm going).

I'm getting really tired of pretending (especially because I am a very crappy liar and terrible at acting) and now I'll apparently have to do even more of it. Doesn't help much that I'm starting to get very scared of what would happen if anybody finds out how much I pretend and lie (which, once again, wouldn't require much effort). My mom's already starting to get very suspicious.

Exercising my unsolicited advice soapbox for a moment, but I'm noticing a bit of a trend here; making other people's feelings or opinions more important than one's own. It's good to be conscious of other people's feelings; really important to healthy social interactions. However, it makes no sense to beat yourself up, silence yourself or your needs, or otherwise misrepresent yourself because of someone else's opinion. That's bad news, folks.

@TBF particularly:
You have no control over how someone else will feel, or over their opinion. It sucks to be misrepresented or misunderstood, but you also don't need to fix that. Their approval of who you are does not actually reflect who you are, or your value as a person; it's just an opinion, and those are wrong all the time. You can say that you're sorry they think you dislike them and that it's not true, and maybe ask if they can explain why they think that? That could be a discussion to have. You still can't just "fix" someone else's opinion though; they no doubt have reasons and feelings that create that opinion, which you can't just ignore or make go away. In fact, you might have been communicating that way, even if it wasn't your intention. That's why these kinds of open discussions of Why are important.

@Cinder particularly:
Doesn't make a lot of sense to beat on yourself because you're "not doing more" for other people. You've got value all on your own, even if life's trained you out of recognizing it. You really don't need to valuate yourself based on how much good you did for other people in a given day. There's billions of people out there, tens of thousands on this forum alone, all of which are facing their own problems and challenges. And they are their own problems and challenges. I think it's fine to want to help- human nature at work- but it's important to keep that wish to be helpful in check, and not let it overwhelm yourself. Here's a Metaphor: You have a daily cup of water, right? And every day, you need to drink enough to survive. You can share some of that water with other people, but that leaves less for you at the end of the day. It's fine to share it around, but some days you worked your emotions harder and need more of your water. Sometimes, you don't have enough, and you need to count on the kindness of others to share some with you. And remember; some people will drink the whole glass if you give them the chance, because they value themselves much more highly than you; that's one of the reasons you can't always rely on other people to determine your Value as a person, or to give you Self Esteem. Kindness given without regard for personal need can kill your spirit, and leave you high and dry. And then you can't help anyone, least of all yourself. Note: I'm here because I'm having a good day for water, and I've got a fair bit left over; I'm not always that fortunate, and that's okay too. Respect your needs and limits.

@Caroline particularly:
Living a lie has, in my experience, always been more destructive than the fallout from telling the truth. That said, you still need to make sure you're prepared for that fallout before coming out with the truth. If that means no place to live, or you lose friends and family, or part of your safety net, or whatever else, you need to weigh that cost against the benefit of not having to kill yourself pretending, and with finally being able to work on living life the way you want to. Living a series of lies about who you are like that is a great way of generally confusing the Inner Compass that's pointing you toward who or what you want to be, and the lies you are forced to wear all the time tend to get increasingly hard to distinguish from your actual personality. If it's gone on for a very long time or has become much more complicated over time, it can take a lot of energy and self-awareness to separate the truth from that false persona too. There were times I didn't even realize I was lying anymore, some masks had gotten so habitual. Only you can make that value judgement on what's worth sticking around and lying for, but I'd urge you to consider your feelings here too.
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TD1

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #104252 on: April 15, 2016, 07:50:28 pm »

I'm sort of wondering where I'm going to get the money to fund various things from. I have expenses over the holidays, but not only that I have to pay for transport to Denmark, accommodation in Denmark, and eating in Denmark on a very limited budget. I have been trying to get a job, but so far no luck even in rubbishy garages. Besides this, I have to pay for an entire semester of accommodation up front for when I get back, because for some reason they won't accept payments per term like they do for accommodation that lasts for a year.

I expect it will sort itself out, and if worst came to worst I know my family would bail me, but I don't want it to come anywhere near that.
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chaotic skies

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #104253 on: April 15, 2016, 10:39:04 pm »

I don't even know what I'm doing with my life anymore. I guess...wasting time until some indeterminate point in the future when I have enough faith in my self to actually do something, assuming that actually happens? I don't know. I gave up on getting what I want years ago, and all I seem to be doing now is hurting people, ignoring people and generally being an asshole by simply attempting to be nice, and that's not even starting on how other people see it. I used to live to see people happy, but now those people are either...distant or gone. Everyone else gets stuck on the outside of my main barrier, and I ignore them. All I've managed to accomplish today is watching around 500 Undertale shorts while laying on the futon in my basement, so I'm not even being productive. I'm just...sitting here. Waiting. Wasting time. Coming up with stuff I want to do, but will be too shy/nervous/awkward/too much of a total coward/waste of time to.




*drops the mic*
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TheBiggerFish

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #104254 on: April 15, 2016, 10:43:33 pm »

*pats chaotic skies*

You have the ability to do those things.  I know you can.

Now try doing one.  Just one.
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chaotic skies

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #104255 on: April 15, 2016, 10:46:13 pm »

Bit late to do them at 11 o clock at night. I'll do them tomorrow, maybe. Probably not, actually. Given my track record, I don't have high hopes for me getting things done. Hey, atleast my time-wasting has resulted in me making a 15-foot long rope out of rubber bands, right?
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TheBiggerFish

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #104256 on: April 15, 2016, 10:46:42 pm »

You did a thing!

Now, tomorrow, do another thing!
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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #104257 on: April 15, 2016, 10:47:35 pm »

Hey, atleast my time-wasting has resulted in me making a 15-foot long rope out of rubber bands, right?
That's actually impressive.
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chaotic skies

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #104258 on: April 15, 2016, 10:49:08 pm »

Not really. It's actually rather repetitive and boring, it was just something to keep my hands busy while I watched videos on youtube.
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TheBiggerFish

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #104259 on: April 15, 2016, 10:49:53 pm »

Still, you made a 15-foot-long rope of rubber bands.  That's a lot of rubber bands.
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chaotic skies

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #104260 on: April 15, 2016, 10:51:29 pm »

I've got around three times that many sitting next to me, so I could make it a lot longer if I really wanted to. Or I could make a few more. Might sell them if I do. Keeping my original one though.
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TheBiggerFish

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #104261 on: April 15, 2016, 10:52:13 pm »

Hey!  You're doing a thing!  Go you!
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chaotic skies

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #104262 on: April 15, 2016, 10:56:29 pm »

Actually, I might go memorize enough bad jokes and puns to annoy Sans.
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TheBiggerFish

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #104263 on: April 15, 2016, 10:57:08 pm »

... Hoo boy, that's a task.
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chaotic skies

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Re: Things that made you sad today thread.
« Reply #104264 on: April 15, 2016, 11:07:58 pm »

I've got...just under 198 days and an hours until halloween. I've got time :P
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