Someone I seriously don't dislike is convinced that I dislike them, despite vociferous protests to the contrary and at least 5 others weighing in. I don't know how to fix this. Aaaaaaaaaaaaa
Sorry I'm not posting here much... I'm reading everything, though. I hope one day I'll learn enough to be of more help...
This was a pretty stressful and tiring week, and I was hoping for some rest this weekend, but now my mom wants me to go to a religious retreat (she wants me to go means I'm going).
I'm getting really tired of pretending (especially because I am a very crappy liar and terrible at acting) and now I'll apparently have to do even more of it. Doesn't help much that I'm starting to get very scared of what would happen if anybody finds out how much I pretend and lie (which, once again, wouldn't require much effort). My mom's already starting to get very suspicious.
Exercising my unsolicited advice soapbox for a moment, but I'm noticing a bit of a trend here; making other people's feelings or opinions more important than one's own. It's good to be conscious of other people's feelings; really important to healthy social interactions. However, it makes no sense to beat yourself up, silence yourself or your needs, or otherwise misrepresent yourself because of someone else's opinion. That's bad news, folks.
@TBF particularly:
You have no control over how someone else will feel, or over their opinion. It sucks to be misrepresented or misunderstood, but you also don't
need to fix that. Their approval of who you are does not actually reflect who you are, or your value as a person; it's just an opinion, and those are wrong all the time. You can say that you're sorry they think you dislike them and that it's not true, and maybe ask if they can explain why they think that? That could be a discussion to have. You still can't just
"fix" someone else's opinion though; they no doubt have reasons and feelings that create that opinion, which you can't just ignore or make go away. In fact, you might have been communicating that way, even if it wasn't your intention. That's why these kinds of open discussions of Why are important.
@Cinder particularly:
Doesn't make a lot of sense to beat on yourself because you're "not doing more" for other people. You've got value all on your own, even if life's trained you out of recognizing it. You really don't need to valuate yourself based on how much good you did for other people in a given day. There's billions of people out there, tens of thousands on this forum alone, all of which are facing their own problems and challenges. And they are their own problems and challenges. I think it's fine to want to help- human nature at work- but it's important to keep that wish to be helpful in check, and not let it overwhelm yourself. Here's a Metaphor: You have a daily cup of water, right? And every day, you need to drink enough to survive. You can share some of that water with other people, but that leaves less for you at the end of the day. It's fine to share it around, but some days you worked your emotions harder and need more of your water. Sometimes, you don't have enough, and you need to count on the kindness of others to share some with you. And remember; some people will drink the whole glass if you give them the chance, because they value themselves much more highly than you; that's one of the reasons you can't always rely on other people to determine your Value as a person, or to give you Self Esteem. Kindness given without regard for personal need can kill your spirit, and leave you high and dry. And then you can't help anyone, least of all yourself. Note: I'm here because I'm having a good day for water, and I've got a fair bit left over; I'm not always that fortunate, and that's okay too. Respect your needs and limits.
@Caroline particularly:
Living a lie has, in my experience, always been more destructive than the fallout from telling the truth. That said, you still need to make sure you're prepared for that fallout before coming out with the truth. If that means no place to live, or you lose friends and family, or part of your safety net, or whatever else, you need to weigh that cost against the benefit of not having to kill yourself pretending, and with finally being able to work on living life the way you want to. Living a series of lies about who you are like that is a great way of generally confusing the Inner Compass that's pointing you toward who or what you want to be, and the lies you are forced to wear all the time tend to get increasingly hard to distinguish from your actual personality. If it's gone on for a very long time or has become much more complicated over time, it can take a lot of energy and self-awareness to separate the truth from that false persona too. There were times I didn't even realize I was lying anymore, some masks had gotten so habitual. Only you can make that value judgement on what's worth sticking around and lying for, but I'd urge you to consider your feelings here too.
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9766326 times)