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[TheBiggerFish]

I just realized I have barely any friends in meatspace.

I mean, I shouldn't complain, I have plenty of people that are friends enough on the Internet (*waves at them*), but still, physical human contact, even with my family included, is really lacking...  (I mean, actually talking to people beyond 'hi'.)

Bleh.

I really shouldn't complain...

But it did just kind of sucker-punch me in the feels.

[GiglameshDespair]

Join a club or something like that.
Don't spend all your time on bay12.

[TheBiggerFish]

I'm in a club, it's not really helping that much.

[TD1]

the religious atmosphere is relaxed and embracing

m8

Although yeah Ireland is pretty great.

I was being very sarcastic.

Any good buildings we had were blown up. Well, not all of the good ones, but quite a few. People kill over religion, and the people are fascinated with culture to such a degree that they're willing to riot over flags (Protestants) or the Queen visiting (Catholics). Also, our political scene is as dead as a fish in a pond abutting a nuclear power plant. True, it occasionally twitches and it's been known to glow a healthy green, but it's still dead.

[Solifuge]

-snip-

-snip snip-

Loving people who don't love you back really is awful. If it's any consolation, there's not a person alive who hasn't been there, or who won't be there some day. It's probably the most human thing there is to experience. The big reveal is that it's also really okay.

It's a big world, full of a lot of places and people and things. Keep plugging along, and you'll find plenty of people to love, and who know how to love you back.

[WillowLuman]

Worked on something all day long, laptop resets for unknown reasons, file is corrupted.

[WillowLuman]

It was a PNG, edited in photoshop. I'd had it saved, but somehow it became corrupted anyway.

[chaotic skies]

On topic for thread title:

The things I put myself through.
Haven't gotten a good night of sleep in way too long. Go to sleep tired, wake up slightly less tired.
My normal escape from myself isn't working; it's getting more and more difficult to just space out and listen to music or play CoD.
Feel way to detatched from everything. Most I get is mild amounts of emotion anymore, unless it's guilt. I have never ending supplies of guilt. Could probably build a wall around the U.S. 7 times with all my guilt.
Can't sleep anymore. Mind won't shut off. Mom just says I'm being stubborn, refuses to actually listen to what I'm saying.
Can't drive, no escape from family w/o their knowledge of where I am.

[Bauglir]

Loving people who don't love you back really is awful. If it's any consolation, there's not a person alive who hasn't been there, or who won't be there some day. It's probably the most human thing there is to experience. The big reveal is that it's also really okay.

It's a big world, full of a lot of places and people and things. Keep plugging along, and you'll find plenty of people to love, and who know how to love you back.

The problem is, people are not interchangeable. The loss of those particular people, and the loss of the happiness they represented, is not something another fish can fix. Time doesn't go back - you can't replace two decades of parental love you never got, because you simply aren't the same person you were as a child. You can't just move on and get new friends when you've spent years learning about each other, shaping each other, and telling stories. Maybe you're just trying to help, but trying to hold out the hope of some other happiness as a consolation prize just isn't going to do it.

It's true that you need to accept something, but I feel like you've got the wrong aim. It's not necessarily accepting that your feelings are okay. It's accepting that the loss is okay. Yeah, you're going to feel like shit, but at some point what you've got to come to grips with is that this thing happened and the cosmic order stands unshaken and you're going to get over it. And it's going to hurt and you will hate every minute of it, but you can overcome that pain and beat it instead of letting it beat you.

But that's a long term goal. Sympathy's the main thing that helps while the pain is in progress. Maybe you know that, and you've just unwittingly stumbled into a phrasing that I feel like causes more pain than anything else, while trying to offer that sympathy. In which case, my bad. It's just advice I've given before (probably recently!) when I couldn't think of anything better, and it always seems to make people feel guilty for not being able to take solace in those future, imaginary joys.

Sorry if this post is a giant overreaction in a place that really doesn't need 'em. >___>

[Solifuge]

In retrospect, this probably doesn't bear saying.

Spoiler: EDIT: Or maybe it does? Fuck if I know anymore. :Y (click to show/hide)

I certainly didn't mean to cheapen the pain there, and I do recognize that there's more than one step to dealing with grief like this; people had shared all the condolences I could have, so I just added what I hadn't seen. Dunno if it helps anyone else, but being hopeful and focusing on the long-term has helped me deal before.

I agree with you, and I think we're saying similar things; Parents and close family are some of the first people we love, look to for protection, and all that... and that makes them special. My point isn't about "replacing" parents (which is impossible, as is "replacing" any individual) and more about how to heal; directing your love and energy toward activities that reward you, and people who can reciprocate. You could argue that that's the whole point in posting about the problem online like this; seeking out some form of love when one is suffering from it's absence. But if you sooth the pain like that, but keep going back to the source of it... if the problem is left to just persist and keeps eating at you, you need to take a step back and reassess how you're approaching the situation. And this, in my understanding, has been a repeated source of pain over a long time. It bears that kind of thinking, yeah?

I was raised by absentee parents with abuse streaks, and I understand and sympathize very much with loving parents that don't know how to reciprocate, or who even take your love for granted as an excuse to hurt you. There's a point when you have to recognize when you're in a bad pattern, and keep trying to squeeze blood from a stone. To continue trying just brings even more needless suffering than the pain of not having that in the first place. Along with the comfort of my friends, that's something I needed to hear back then.

That said, yeah. Condolences first, problem-solving later. Always one step at a time.


Just to add, cross-posting something I think may be relevant:

I love her like a friend.
_{That's higher than family, for me.}

Funny thing. "Blood is thicker than water" is a misquote as I understand it. The original goes "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." To step outside the religious context, it means that the bonds we choose (our friends) are stronger and more vital than the ones we're born to.

It might not be historically accurate, but it rings truest to me.

[Tack]

I wonder what a therapist would be like.
Still unsure I need one. But I think that's a bit of an issue with people like me.

[WillowLuman]

After nearly making up my lost progress (working a bit faster now that I knew what I wanted to do), I accidentally reset it again. Now I have to start over for the second goddamn time.

[Bauglir]

Disclaimer: This post isn't specifically about your friends and family, Vec. Sorry, I just feel like I messed up the communication in that last post and want to clear it up. And sorry if I come off as a dick to you!

@Solifuge
Yeah, so I guess what I'm saying is that trying to focus on a way to fix the pain is what's going to keep it cutting. I'm not saying that folks should try with everything they have to hold onto those relationships - that's absolutely the wrong thing to do. Trying to convince yourself that the gap in your life is going to stop being a thing, whether you're doing it by vainly hoping to fix the relationship or by finding other people whose love can distract you both seem like problems, and for a lot of the same reasons. In both cases, you wind up trying to use people to avoid having to deal with what you're afraid of losing. Maybe this is more my own experience than anything else, but I feel like the only way to move on is to let people go and live with it, and let that be that.

It's also important to get the support you need from people who are happy to give it, but I dunno - that's coping with giving something up, not trying to convince yourself that you'll somehow break even on the event. Maybe I'm splitting hairs, I don't know. I can't articulate what I'm trying to say any better than this, so feel free to respond and I'll read it and give it some thought, but I probably won't be dragging this on any longer. Sorry to anybody I've annoyed! Just gonna hit post now before I try to think of some other way to repeat myself.

@HugoLuman
Shit, I'm sorry dude. I know that feeling and it sucks. It really fucking does.

[Yoink]

After nearly making up my lost progress (working a bit faster now that I knew what I wanted to do), I accidentally reset it again. Now I have to start over for the second goddamn time.

Ouch.


In my own Sads, I was trying to listen to some music but for some reason the left ear of my earphones was hurting my ear rather badly, worse than usual. And this was after I'd taken it out and placed it back in at least once. I got mad, pulled it out and smashed it on my desk.
Now I only have one ear to listen through. They were only cheap earphones, but still... now I'll have to buy new ones sooner rather than later.
I also kinda feel irrationally bad for breaking them, since it's not their fault my ears are the wrong shape or w/e. 

[Vector]

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