Had another look last night at online freelancing, and quickly remembered why I gave up the idea last time.
Too much competition. It doesn't matter how good you are if you're in the middle of like 50 people applying for the same job posting.
I got an online freelancing job and ended up making $6.75 an hour. It was not worth it, even though the person actually treated me like a human being and explained what they wanted (this is a rarity, apparently). I mean, it was fun, but I had to quit because there was no way I was going to live on that.
I wish I could settle down and accept the fact that maybe the best I'll ever do is to have a regular, tedious job where I clock in, sort widgets for The Man, clock out, and come home to about the same life that I've lived for 20 years now. Probably even in the same apartment complex that I've been in for seven years.
I
want to dual-major in Math and Computer Science. I've been working my ass off. But about this time next year, when I have all of the credits for my associate's degree, I'm going to have to
A) Pony up the cash to move to Portland, Corvallis or somewhere else with a CS program
real fucking quickor
B) Quit
or
C) Move with not enough money, and come home a few months, maybe a year later as a failure
I don't want a job where I am completely and utterly replaceable, where there's a security camera everywhere and "You can be fired for..." lists all over the place because some rich fuck in Astoria respects the crackheads that eat at McDonald's more than his own employees, where I had to be afraid of speaking up about the racist, sexist general manager (at least she's gone, thank fuck) because my livelihood means about as much to Ronald McDonald as the hooker he's snorting coke off of right this second, and a corporation would rather fire some kid in retaliation rather than uphold the law, because they're big enough and old enough and rich enough to get away with that sort of thing, and have gotten away with it at my very store.
I want something with my name on it that people will be using and talking about for decades. I want to feel like I exist for some reason other than to clock in, do my bit, clock out, occupy myself until I next have to clock in, repeat until dead.