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[Rose]

Up to 100, it's pretty much a matter of memorizing each number individually.

[TheBiggerFish]

...
I didn't finish a thing I needed to finish.
augh
not this again

[Cptn Kaladin Anrizlokum]

Argh. The friend I wrote about in my last post, I had to spend a day with him and he spent so much time ranting about stuff he knows almost nothing about.
Somehow he is a rather well-known figure around here for LGBTQ rights, and wants to be a politician... But has no idea how politics works. He rants at people for not being miracle workers, then expects people to always agree with him, and refuses to listen to anyone else's arguments...

He said that in a democracy, a low-ranking official should be able to completely ignore and even refuse meetings with their higher-ups because the official doesn't agree with them, as well as being able to ignore lower down people they don't agree with because they were voted into office.
Then he spent 15 minutes ranting because some official met with some people he didn't agree should have any say in government. He also spent an hour ranting because that official was "elusive" at a meeting. And it just kept going and going...

I'm very frustrated. My best friend described him best as "The world's most close-minded liberal"

[Vector]

-snip-

[Yoink]

Seems like throwing myself off a tall bridge is the easiest, simplest and least painful course of action for me right now.

Speaking of bridges and the act of throwing oneself from them, the other night I walked across the most popular suicide bridge in the city (or perhaps the whole country?) for the first time in years- it's between where I'm staying and the city proper- and I was shocked to see that, in the year or two since I lived here, some sick fuck decided to put a tall, inwardly-curved fence over the sides of the bridge, complete with vicious-looking spikes to prevent any nimble people from climbing up on the bridge itself and then jumping to the top of the fence.

The sick part? Said barrier only went partway along the length of the bridge, so at one end there was a fair distance where a desperate person can still jump off, but instead of falling a long way to a quick (and probably quite painless) death in the depths of the river or distant concrete, they would land amongst various low buildings and quiet streets after a fall that would probably only break bones unless they were lucky enough to land on their noggin.

It's as though the city's government wants to send the message, "we're fine with you killing yourself, so long as you suffer as much as possible in the process". They clearly know how much their citizens hate life if the spikes atop the eight foot (!!!) or so suicide barrier are anything to go by...

[NRDL]

Please please please don't kill yourself. 

[TheBiggerFish]

Please please please don't kill yourself.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

[Reelya]

Seems like throwing myself off a tall bridge is the easiest, simplest and least painful course of action for me right now.

Don't kill yaself bro, I'll buy ya some beers. Just keep in mind you still have free beer coupons to cash in.

It's as though the city's government wants to send the message, "we're fine with you killing yourself, so long as you suffer as much as possible in the process". They clearly know how much their citizens hate life if the spikes atop the eight foot (!!!) or so suicide barrier are anything to go by...

Less people do in fact kill themselves if the easy options are taken away. e.g. when Israel stopped letting militia take their guns home on weekends, the entire national suicide rate instantly fell by 40%. So those barriers are probably saving real lives. This shows that most serious suicidal thoughts are, in fact, fleeting. If you feel overwhelmed, try a change of scenery, or get involved in something really time-consuming like a course, volunteering, work, etc, if you're feeling adrift and at a loose end. Too much time to think can be bad too.

[Kot]

Seems like throwing myself off a tall bridge is the easiest, simplest and least painful course of action for me right now.

Yeah, no, don't kill yourself because if you do I'll proably go "fuck it" and do same. If you aren't strong enough, who is, eh?

Less people do in fact kill themselves if the easy options are taken away. e.g. when Israel stopped letting militia take their guns home on weekends, the entire national suicide rate instantly fell by 40%. So those barriers are probably saving real lives. This shows that most serious suicidal thoughts are, in fact, fleeting. If you feel overwhelmed, try a change of scenery, or get involved in something really time-consuming like a course, volunteering, work, etc, if you're feeling adrift and at a loose end. Too much time to think can be bad too.

Until I seriously started considering it, I never realized how true that is. If I had access to gun (or rather - ammunition) I would blow my brains out long ago. Hanging myself takes too much, slitting my wrists or throat takes too long (and is way too edgy), jumping down the bridge is way too desperate, jumping under a car or train also, though it's more a matter of me not wanting to cause communication trouble because fuck I do know how shitty late trains are, and so on.

[Yoink]

Don't worry about me, I'm not about to off myself, not for a while yet at least. I will wait until I finally get back home and manage to relax and decompress, and then see how I feel... not that it's really much of a home. Perhaps I'll manage to improve my life someday soon, somehow.

I was simply stating that it seems to be the best/easiest option available to me. It seems it has been for a while, really... I usually think it's my stubbornness that keeps me from taking said option, but lately the thought has occurs that perhaps I'm kidding myself and am in fact just too much of a coward. :-/

On the topic of prevention, there's actually another, busier bridge down the river from that one, with a much lower railing. I'm not sure why it apparently isn't as popular for jumpers... perhaps because it's in a less depressing part of town, perhaps because it's shorter, or maybe it just isn't as far of a drop... I'm not sure, but I haven't heard of people throwing themselves off it en masse. Probably because it's in a fairly trendy area and jumping off it would be bad for a person's image.

Anyway, I ran out of data on my phone and am posting this from the wi-fi of a business near my brother's house. I've had an exceedingly shitty day to cap off an exceedingly shitty... well, amount of time I guess, and I think I'm going to go sit on a couch, listen to music and try to forget about it all.
Incidentally, Reelya, something about your post made me wonder for a moment if you might have secretly been my brother, infiltrating another of my online hangouts just like he did Neopets all those years ago.

I hope you guys have a lovely day, evening, night, or afternoon, whichever is most appropriate.

[Kot]

Don't worry about me, I'm not about to off myself, not for a while yet at least. I will wait until I finally get back home and manage to relax and decompress, and then see how I feel... not that it's really much of a home. Perhaps I'll manage to improve my life someday soon, somehow.

I was simply stating that it seems to be the best/easiest option available to me. It seems it has been for a while, really... I usually think it's my stubbornness that keeps me from taking said option, but lately the thought has occurs that perhaps I'm kidding myself and am in fact just too much of a coward. :-/

I actually understand you. I myself got a bit... weird when people started to tell me to not kill myself because I wasn't really going to do so, but... I don't know, it was a cry for help? Trying to tell world that I AM, IN FACT, NOT OKAY? Not sure, I mean why would I tell that here, but... that's complicated. But hey, apparently everyone gets those suicidal thoughts from time to time and until you actually start working towards them then it's okay.

I hope you guys have a lovely day, evening, night, or afternoon, whichever is most appropriate.

It already went horrendously shitty since it's first day of spring which tradtionally means school defection day, which also means they meet in front of my fucking face and are proably having a happy date right now. Though, granted, at least they aren't jumping at each other and they both seem a lot calmer, but that's proably not a bad sign... for them. But hey, at least I can go and get something to drink so it's not that bad, right?

[Vector]

-snip-

[Kot]

You've got to learn to ignore them and not care.

Yeeep, doesn't work.

If they're deliberately rubbing themselves in your face and passively-aggressively sniping at you, then they're assholes

Are they? I'm not sure, they totally could appear way less often and they actually did before, but at this point I think they now belive I got over with it... or something. I mean, they don't really hunt me down or something, we just happen to live nearby and frequent similar places so...
Also, thankfully they both aren't overflooding Facebook with happy shit like some of my friends or I would have blocked the shit out of them long time ago. Thankfully I'm not the kind of person to overflood Facebook with hurt love quotes or I'd shoot myself long time ago.

(there's two ways to end a fight decisively--treat your opponent as not worth your time, or hurt them until they're never going to fight again. One of these is morally correct, the other isn't. Can you guess which ).

Problematic. If the "opponent" is her, then good fucking luck, as I belive she's worth a lifetime (doesn't mean that other people aren't, but eh), and if it's him, then... well, I barely had knowledge of his existence before and the fact he's with her is the only thing I can really connect to him... as for the morality, well... I'd shoot them both in the face if I thought I have a good reason. Never really been strong in the morality corner.

If they're just existing, then for the good of your own soul, you've got to ignore them. If you succeeded in breaking them up and getting the girl, it wouldn't be good for you. You'd know that you'd ruined somebody else's happiness, and deep down, I suspect that wouldn't feel very good to you--because you know how bad it feels.

That's the only reason I'm not doing anything about it.

This has gone on for a really long time, right? When I was in your position, I felt like, surely, if I just hurt enough, they would understand what a mistake they were making. Unfortunately, that didn't happen. I just ended up making a real ass of myself glaring daggers at people who didn't care, and although everyone else understood, I just lost face with them because I didn't know how to manage my feelings. It wasn't a good thing to have done.

Do I want them to notice? Maybe, but I don't see what that would change. Would she break up with him and go with me due to... what? Pity? Yeah, again, proably not going to happen and even if it is going to happen it's not going to happen because I don't want it to. The only real solution would be going back in time which doesn't seem more proable.

I don't mean "move on to another girl." I mean that you need to distract yourself, make some friends in real life to complain to--good friends who will make fun of them with you, distract you and give you some good times.

I'm not really sure what I would even complain about. That's the real problem, I mostly vent here, outside of doing stupid shit like punching walls but I do that when nobody important is around and people who notice the injuries usually don't say a word about it. Some know, rest doesn't care.

Make more online friends to complain to on Steam.

Complaining on Steam to someone in particular? Doesn't seem very fun. The whole reason I'm writing this shit on forum is that it's not really directed towards specific person, just somewhere into the air.

On important days like this, on the first day of spring, make sure that you have some friends to spend time with. Put a lot of energy into making a picnic together or something like that.

That would be nice, but... they mostly leave me to myself and I'm not exactly trying to change it. Most of them have plans, others aren't exactly interesting people to me, a bunch of others are busy having boyandgirlfriends. I could proably go somewhere but I'd feel intrusive as fuck and honestly, I don't feel like that's a good idea if I'm again having feelings due to them, I could say more than I want.

If you don't do something about this, it's not going to get better by itself--in this kind of situation, I usually think to myself: "Now, do I really want to be this person 5 years from now? 25? Or do I want to change?" Take care of yourself. Please.

I don't really think I'm that bad person right now. I'm having shitton of feelings but in the end there is nothing I actually regret. And do I want to be internally brooding guy (I'm already pretending to be okay externally, just like before I met her... so, it's more like I'm back into my regular state, and the time I was better was different) with unrequited love syndrome in five years from now? Well, if nothing happens in meantime that's proably how it's going to be. Dunno. I don't really care.

[TheBiggerFish]

...
*pats Kot ineffectually*

Wish I could help.

@Vector:

[Lord Shonus]

I got oral herpes, probably from a mathematician (NOT in the way you think, you pervs, she shared some dessert with me), and it's making me feel old and diseased. I'd rather have cold sores than live in fear of smooching and sharing food like I used to, and mine don't hurt at all (just sitting there being bumpy), but...

My mom's been sneering her whole life about how she doesn't have herpes, unlike the rest of the diseased population and all those loose women who need to be punished. If she knew I'd caught this, depending on her mood, she'd throw a fit and never share food with me again, because now I'm unclean. In another mood, it would be "well, you're dirty now and you obviously shouldn't have taken a bite of her food, but I love you anyway."

good old mom

Something like 90% of the US population has one form of herpes or another. Not catching it is a matter of pure luck.