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[Frumple]

Hey, not alone, and heresy it is not. I think I finished kotor2, but I can guarantee you I didn't pay a single iota of attention to the talkybits. Planescape I've tried probably six or seven times to get into... I don't think I've managed two hours in at any point in the process, if that. Game's a bloody wall to me, and that's as someone who got pretty far into or beat at least a plurality of every other game of that general style on the PC (BG et al). LP was pretty nice, though, much nicer than actually trying to play it.

also vec, your last bit is pretty much the entire reason i mostly read fanfiction these days. shit's just hella' more consistently... not that :V

[Xantalos]

Good gods I'm weak. Not physically, but psychologically or somesuch. I don't know if it's an inherent thing or something I learned to be over time, but ... I can almost never quite escape the feeling that I'm irrelevant, or not worth consideration, or just small and insignificant. I mean, there's been some moments, few and far between, where I find myself able to think differently, and when I do karate I get better because in that I know for a certainty that I can do things not many others can do. But it doesn't apply to the rest of my life.
Namely I see, to be very good at getting ignored. This is of course only my flawed perception of events, as the people I seek attention from are busy and have other people they interact with and mountains of schoolwork and such plus I have the unfortunate habit of marginalizing myself in social situations and making myself seem fine when I'm really not, but that doesn't change the fact that I can barely get any communication in with ... well, who I consider friends. It's difficult if not outright impossible for me to make any plans that actually materialize, and when plans between friends do materialize they're almost inevitably 'go to the local bar'. I don't ... why the fuck would I want to go to the bar? Getting drunk isn't really fulfilling at all. I go along when it happens, sure, but I don't really drink, I just go because it's the only opportunity I have to talk with people outside of work. I don't like it super much, but when you're too shy to call someone without internally agonizing over it for two days beforehand and any messages you send don't get read until at least 5 days after you've sent them for the most part and any alternative plans of yours just flat out don't materialize because the other person's too busy or possibly just not interested in which case why the fuck did they even agree in the first place you take what you can get.
...
This is how I lost a friend I had for a long time, communication just stopped. But what's the point of communicating if I never get a response anyway?

And I know in my rational mind that none of this is because I'm disliked or am easily ignored or whatever, it's all due to outside factors that have nothing to do with me. But my emotions aren't rational things, and I feel ignored and dismissed even though that makes no fucking sense.

Also I realized the exact moment when I missed probably the best opportunity I could ever have had. I know when I could've done something to change what happened, or at least not have myself in this solitary little corner of myself, and I missed it for something that completely fucking underwhelmed me and that I payed too much money for. 3 crucial days and 200 dollars spent on techniques I could've picked up from a fucking Google search. I know this because immediately after I arrived home I did that and DID. Fucking pseudo-mystical non-effective bullshitassfuckkillmaimstabstrangling reiki bullshit. I'm not even mad about the money, it's not like I spend it on anything, but the fucking time cost me by that stupid fucking three-day workshop, and the fact that it happened on those three fuckijg days in particular ... I don't get mad about nearly anything. This makes me enraged because of what might have happened then. AND I WASTED IT ON FUCKING PUTTING HANDS ON PEOPLE AND PRETENDING THAT FUCKING HEALS PEOPLE FOR THREE FUCKING DAYS I HOPE THEIR PRACTICE BECOMES MARGINALIZED AND DIES FORGOTTEN BY EVERYONE COLD AND ALONE IN A REMOTE CORNER OF THE WORLD

No use looking back on what might have happened, though. Only thing to do is to move forward and hopefully past this communications block I'm faced with. Somehow.
...how though

[Xantalos]

I do, I go to a dojo three or four times a week but I live too far away from there to actually involve any of the people there in my life. More to the point, I'm horrible at making connections with new people, it took nearly two years and becoming infatuated with them for me to make a friend that I feel (well, felt, before I ran into said communications block) comfortable talking with on a daily basis. Can't really replicate that in an amount of time conducive to my continued mental health.

[Spehss _]

Why must I be so incompetent at everything I do. Sure, I'm okay with numbers. But I'm terrible at writing, creative thinking, brainstorming, and basically anything to do with creativity. What us is it if I can do math in my head, if I can't also think of how to use them? Let alone the fact that I'm to afraid of rejection/nervous/cowardly to ask for help most of the time, and when I do I have to work up so much courage for the most trivial of things.

I recommend you listen to this talk John Cleese gives about creativity. May help.

[Descan]

KOTORII was the unfinished one. As in, literally. It was released before it was done. There's assets on the disc for stuff toward the end that is, quite literally, unfinished.

As a game that wasn't even completed before release, it probably didn't have a polish-pass to fix up the story any either

[Gunner-Chan]

You can't fix a story that was literally wrote out of disdain for the lore it's using as a backdrop in the first place.

[ChairmanPoo]

Many people actually like the patched up game, you know

[Gunner-Chan]

That's fine too. I'm just saying people that have a problem with the story wont really gain anything with the patches. Because most people who have issues with it either have a problem with the tone, or how it relates to the overall feel/environment of the star wars extended universe.

[Lord Shonus]

So, most of my life at this point is sad, so I'm going to complain about something small and stupid.

(No, I'm not posting in the other sad thread. One topic in my unread replies is enough, thank you)

Confession: I genuinely disliked and found myself uninterested in finishing both KOTORII and Planescape: Torment :I  I honestly feel kind of guilty about it. Heresy, right? They both seem really overwritten to me, though. I didn't find the characters interesting. There was too much walking and too much text, and I didn't enjoy roleplaying as the character I was given. I really dug Planescape: Torment's sheer differentness, but in the end I just didn't want to play anymore. To be fair, both games are very old, but I did enjoy Alpha Centauri pretty well the one time I played it (got the Transcendence Victory and kicked everyone's ass so far into the stone age that there wasn't a point in a second playthrough).

The same goes for virtually all Ubisoft games these days. When I play a game, I want to build myself up until I feel like a God of Smiting, not end up with an impossible grind in order to play up-to-par (I am looking at you, Child of Light, whose writing I enjoyed tremendously but I found myself uninterested in finishing). I don't have a problem with games that start off with the RNG totally hating you, I've got a problem with games that you could easily write a script to play for you; and I've got another problem with the modern "replayability" basically meaning "you can play the same story with the same shitty difficulty curve and same boring combat skills, and we'll let you get the rest of the moves you should have gotten to unlock as part of playing the main game." dude, NO. I'd rather play a game with no "replayability" than deal with that.

Replayability is important for some games, but for most of them, I feel that I'd rather have a linear story--or maybe a branching one with no expectation that I'm going to play twice in order to pick up x or y little doodad. Often it feels like the game designer is punishing completionists by adding in achievements for taking different branches on trivial choices. Achievements should be for achievements, not this bullshit.

I think I've learned something about myself, namely that I don't like playing games about real-seeming people; I don't even like reading "realistic" fiction, either. Literary fiction is great, but all of this stuff that's about the relentless, shitty grit of day-to-day life and weak people with horrible personalities disinterests me. And I'm talking as someone who likes reading Zola, Sartre, and Camus. This Chuck-Palahniuk-inspired-era of boring stories about boring people being cruel to each other because "that's just how people are" fucking pisses me off.

KOTOR II had a great engine with significant improvements on KOTOR's underpinnings, but it was literally unfinished and the story was pretty much exactly what you expect when you have somebody who hates Star Wars write a Star Wars game. Planescape Torment was too boring for me to get into in comparison to Baldur's Gate or Icewind Dale, and I didn't think it was very good either.

[ChairmanPoo]

Mind you, my biggest problem with that game is that if you went evil, whereas it was less silly than in other RPGs, it quickly led your whole crew to look like drug-addicted lepers..

[Vector]

-snip-

[Parsely]

You can be creative with math. You can make art with math.

^^This super fucking hard. Most people do not grasp how useful mathematical ideas can be when drawing.

[Rose]

I'm getting old.

[Xantalos]

gods I'm an idiot. isolating myself for no damn reason and for no benefit to anyone.

[itisnotlogical]

I find it really hard to love myself. I know my friends love me but I can't figure why. I feel like I'm pretty substandard in most respects.