While they're in season. It's mostly just become a cathartic exercise to write down my chain of thought and put it somewhere at this point, I know full well how incoherent it is.
There's nothing quite like spending literally all day working, secure in the knowledge that there's gonna be just as much to do tomorrow. And the next day. And the next day. And the next day. I'm basically trading the weekdays for not free but easy, weekends, but it's still depressing. I have a feeling life after college will be more work/life balance friendly, but for now it's physically painful to see my friends (when I see them) with lighter workloads partying Thursday-Saturday, and hear them complain at me for being such a "workaholic." Some part of me knows it's silly but I really can't help but feel like I'm missing out on the "college experience" everyone natters on about with the girls and the parties and whatnot. I certainly missed the "High School experience." Drinking wouldn't be on the table either way, but even in my free time I'm often too tired to do much other than vegetate. If people look back on these times because adult life sucks even more, and it's not just the grass being greener, I may as well just cut my losses and become a woodland hermit or something. I'm halfway there already for how often I get out, or even just talk to people beyond empty small talk. I was happier working in the factory. I was good at that. I went home tired, but it was physical tiredness, far easier to deal with than this constant mental exhaustion. It was low stress, hands on, and the people there were great. But I'm in much too deep to quit now. I'd never pay off what I owe already on factory pay (and I go to a cheap university!), and even if they could afford it I could never ask my parents for that much support.
But giving up is a useless decision, isn't it? That means shaming everyone who I've relied on to get this far by jumping ship and living on the charity of whoever will put up with me, or ending it more permanently, and disgusting isn't a strong enough word for the idea of killing myself. Maybe these sort of thoughts are normal around this time and I do have a bright future with a loving family and a stable career ahead of me. For now though, the very real possibility of failure terrifies me, but I'll be paying the cost of the sacrifices I've got to make to keep that from happening for plenty long either way.
Yeah, this sort of feeling is normal. Once you get out into the workforce you stop having to cram so much stuff into your head every day and the mental exhaustion gets better. Mind, you'll still be tired a lot of the time, because life is never easy. But when you've got a stable job, a stable schedule, etc, life gets a lot less stressful. School with its rotating schedule of classes and constant pressure was way more stressful than my current job. Now, you can go to jobs that are super stressful, but if you know you don't want that look for a company that doesn't demand that and you should be good.
Your friends could easily just be bragging and really be as stressed as you are. Or they could simply find learning easier, or they could be willing to accept lower grades. Some people just choose to take hits on grades so they can party. They could also just not be as stressed for various reasons (better adjusted nervous system, better able to tolerate an unstable schedule, etc). Whatever, it's their issue. You need to take care of you.
Becoming a hermit is totally the wrong response, though. I wish I'd learned earlier than my senior year that spending time alone stressed out my monkey hindbrain, which needed to have friendly people near by. Could you have quieter get togethers like a TV-watching night or game night? If your friends aren't coming up with things you can do, perhaps inviting them over for something you like to do would work. Do you have a place you can go to just hang out?
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Topic: Things that made you sad today thread. (Read 9757004 times)